Ideas on How to Evade Stupid Laws
by sapphire.gd17
Summary: First comes hate, then the arranged marriage, then comes three babies on a baby carriage. OOC/AU Dramoine Marriage Law fic *CURRENTLY ON PAUSE*
1. The New Law

My world is crashing all around me. I could not believe this is happening to us after all we've been through. I could already feel my eyes burning from the strain of reading something beyond ridiculous. Even when my eyes blurred from the effort of willing the words into something sane, it did not stop being ridiculous.

I set the letter I received this morning on top of my ruined breakfast. I didn't realize that I had, somehow, managed to blow my pecan pie around me to smithereens until after I read that joke of a letter. I even found splashes of my pumpkin juice in Harry and Ron's faces, which, to my relief, didn't even notice since they were busy looking like someone stuffed poisonous doxies down their throats. Not that I could blame them. They, too, received the blasted letter.

"This had better be a joke." Ginny said, smoke coming out of her ears, looking at Harry while stabbing at her lamb chops.

"Couldn't be. It's got the seal and everything. Bloody hell." said Harry coming out of his trance. Ron couldn't speak, yet. He was a horrible shade of puce, his left eye twitching madly. My mind was already running full throttle, you could almost see it combusting under mental strain.

The Ministry of Magic had officially gone barmy and hammered the final nail in my coffin… or their coffin when I'm through with them because I'll never let this slide. They've been changing a lot of wizarding laws after the war to accommodate the "New Era" and the possibilities it offered. The reforms were generally harmless and quite productive in terms of unity. It established the belief that muggles are to be left alone and the prejudice against the muggleborns were discouraged. They created laws aimed to prevent another war, which previously decimated almost half of the wizarding population- but they must be failing, because unless this new clause about the Marriage sodding Law is eradicated from the face of the Earth, so help me, there'd be another war. And this time, instead of a noseless Hitler-wannabe, they're gonna be dealing with a crazy muggleborn witch instead. I'd even make sure to have Harry The-Boy-Who-Killed-Noseless-Hitler-Wannabe on my side. Ron, too. And Ginny , whose bat-bogey hex and general badassedness (I know it's not a word but even my mind right now is a seething mess), can be a great force to be reckoned with. Dammit, I'd do anything to put a stop to this farce.

"Really? Arranged marriage? Is that all the solution they could think of to prevent us dying out?" Dean Thomas, a half-blood, said in exasperation, breaking my reverie. "Couldn't they just, I don't know, encourage procreation and reward people with three or more children instead?"

"Apparently, they didn't think this through. Blasted morons these ministry officials are. Poop for brains idiots. Sad clowns…" I chanted with colorful profanities and, if I do say so myself, creative expletives. Ron finally snapped from his shock and joined me in cursing the ministry, dropping f-bombs over and over. Ginny didn't take long to join in as Harry covered Luna's innocent ears while shouting obscenities himself.

"Shut up all of you!" Padma and Dean said together.

"…squashed, pimply-bummed cockroaches …"

"My ears are bleeding! Stop it!" said a random witch from the Ravenclaw table.

"… brainfarts, dimmer than Dudley's black-souled aunt…"

"Merlin's blue balls! You four could really cuss up a storm! I expected nothing less from you three but I didn't know you had it in you Hermione! Luna, I hope you don't copy their example." Neville chided us, despite his own use of swear words.

We grudgingly stopped but we we're still fuming. Harry stopped covering Luna's ears when he was sure we stopped cursing and she resumed staring at nothing, still thinking about her letter.

The majority of the students inside the Great Hall must've been anticipating a fight to break out as they looked at our table intently, probably wanting to jump in, just in case they could get in a swipe or two. At the corner of my eye, I saw Malfoy at the Slytherin table chewing his food calmly while watching us, clutching his own letter. That puke-inducing ferret. I don't care what most of the female population here at Hogwarts is saying about his oh-so-glorious hair and whatnot. He was still a prat.

"You'd be surprised how Hermione can be when she's agitated like this." Parvati scoffed at Neville. She would know since we share dormitories with three others. I gave her a warning glare.

"Don't tell me that you're okay with all this bull." I bit out. "I mean, who forces people who are NOT in-love to marry each other and practically orders them to have at least three children, THREE! They are beyond freaking mad!" I almost screamed while banging the table with my fists.

"See what I meant?" Parvati ignored me and winked at Neville.

"What?!" I fumed. "After this Marriage Law clause thing, all you could comment on is my behavior? Of course, I'm taking this very badly and as all respectable people in this flipping country, so should you!" I spouted at her. That girl is dense, I tell you. She may be twins with Padma but all the intelligence went to her sister.

"She's right Mione, you're quite scary when you're like this" Ron chimed in, his mind taking him, probably to that one time when I sent those birds after him. Funny how the story never mentioned him being attacked by a big spider and Peeves pelting him with the dungbombs I 'generously' gave. Heehee. I probably shouldn't enjoy his misery so much.

Luna patted him reassuringly in the back, then said, "At least she didn't turn you into a blast ended-skrewt then splashed you with bubotuber pus."

"She what?!" asked a horrified Lavender.

"Oh, it's nothing." I smirked. Goyle deserved it. That was a good one. I never even got caught.

"She scares me, too." Harry added looking back when she discovered Dobby's body after they apparated from the Malfoy manor and what she did to Bellatrix in retaliation during the war. Poor Bellatrix didn't stand a chance and was reduced to an insane, blubbering mess before Molly finished her

off.

Before he could turn his thoughts to Rita Skeeter, another unfortunate soul who crossed Hermione before, Dean interrupted him. "But Hermione's right to be upset, though. What gave them the right to force us into a marriage and even dictate how many children we should have?"

"Yeah, the ministry trying to repopulate the magical world like this… it's bonkers. You'd never hear something like this in the muggle world." Harry mused.

"I'm not really all that disturbed." said Padma.

Oh, great, I must've made a mistake about her intelligence. Why did she get sorted to Ravenclaw again?

She continued, "It's not really all that surprising since this happened before in the 1500's. There had been a war and it killed almost all of the wizarding population. The law enforcers panicked which led to the creation of the first Marriage Law ever passed. Can't blame them, though. After that war, only about 500 witches and wizards remained who could still procreate and they we're scared that the magical line would vanish altogether if they don't do anything about it. I mean these people could decide not to have children or whatever. We should be thankful that they reduced the required number of children that should be born per arranged couple to three."

Alright, so she's smart. Even I didn't know about that. But the question is why would they resurrect an ancient law and not try to devise a new plan to encourage baby booms instead? I wondered if it was because it was a success back then. I have got to get my hands on that info.

"Wait, what? They were required to produce how many babies exactly?" Ginny asked, incredulous.

"Five." Padma answered.

"Five, huh." Ron sniffed. "That's nothing on my family. We Weasleys are a fertile bunch."

"Eew, gross Ron," Lavender recoiled from him, repulsed. She would never want that many kids. Why, that would be disastrous for her body.

"Shut your gob, Lavender. My family's not gross, besides I'd like to have at least 7 kids" snapped Ginny. Harry spilled his pumpkin juice. Everyone in our table stared at her. She must be kidding.

"What? I love kids!" defended Ginny. Nope. Not kidding at all.

"Actually, I love the plan. I'm partnered with the delectable quidditch Keeper for the Wimbourne Wasps: Cormac McLaggen!" gushed Parvati. She must really think she's lucky. Poor girl. Ron and Harry exchanged pitying looks. After Mclaggen graduated from Hogwarts, good riddance by the way, he tried out for professional quidditch and, surprisingly he was given a spot. I think he was still sore about the fact that Ron beat him from that position for the Gryffindor team before. Egotistical and incredibly boring though he be, I'd rather have him than who I'm partnered with. Thinking about the name that the ministry paired with me, it's all I could do to keep myself from self-destructing.

"Who's gonna be the fortunate Potter-to-be, eh, Harry?" asked Parvati, suddenly intrigued. Oh, no, now everyone's eager to know the others' assigned partners. Now is probably a good time to excuse myself and plot on how to get out of this miserable mess but I'm quiet curious, too. Not that I'm hoping that they got partners as despicable as mine. No, not at all.

I could practically hear Harry groaning, " Astoria Greengrass. " I don't know why he's complaining. Green eyes, beautiful, blond, hot and curvy in all the right places, I'd say he won without even doing anything. I'm straight but I find myself fangirling over the Slytherin.

His disappointment might be because he still had feelings for Ginny but that's just my guess. After the war, they never got back together. Ginny told me that the flames died down, whatever that means.

"Who's yours Dean?"

"I got Daphne Greengrass. Hmm, I guess we'll be related somehow, Harry," Dean responded.

Another guy that got lucky. I didn't know what the ministry was thinking.

"Who is yours Ginny?" Dean proceeded to ask. He couldn't hide that he still harbored a crush on her. I'm not surprised, really. I'm certain she had a fan club.

Ginny grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Well, I am going to be a Zabini soon. Not bad. I'm gonna send flowers to whoever paired me with him. He's not bad-looking and he looks like he's intelligent, too." She flipped her hair, obviously pleased. I knew she would be. I saw her looking at him sometimes with that glint on her eyes.

Hmm. This is bad. Ginny's not upset with the Law because she likes her partner. Blimey, if this keeps up I'd have no one to start a revolt with. I have to convince everybody that this marriage law hogwash was a bad idea; that it violated our right to freedom of choice. But before I could protest, Ginny asked Neville who he's partnered with.

"Cho Chang" he responded with shoulders slumped. I don't get it. The boys got the prettiest girls in school and they're miserable. But then the more miserable they are, the more rebellious they'd be and they'd make the perfect accomplices. Down with the ministry, I say!

"I don't see why you should be all glum about it." Padma pointed out, defending her friend. "You're so lucky. Me? Not so much. I got Creevey! Dang it, I got Creevey!"

I grinned inwardly. Recruiting Padma to the No-To-The-Marriage-Crap-Law movement would be easy. Well, the name of the whole institution is still under construction. I wouldn't want to give it a crappy name. Look at where S.P.E.W. got me.

"Older Creevey or Younger Creevey?" asked Ginny trying to sound sympathetic.

"The older one." A despondent Padma answered. I pity the girl. Collin is quiet the perv. No wonder he likes clicking his camera so much. "Anyway, I'm much more interested on who the ministry partnered with Luna."

Everyone turned to look at Luna who was preoccupied at the moment with whatever's going on in her head. Her blue eyes have that hazy, dreamy look. I smiled. Look at her all peaceful-like. Leave it to her not to be fazed by something as preposterous and scandalous as the situation all 16-35 year-old students found themselves in just this morning. She's like the baby of the group and even though she talks about something absurd most of the time, we just find it adorable. Since 3rd year, we (Harry, Ron, Ginny, Dean, Neville, Lavender, the Patil twins and I ) looked after her and hexed the balls off of anybody who'd make fun of her. Suffice it to say that no one bothered her since then. Parvati gently shook her out of her bubble and asked the question again.

"Oh, I got Cedric Diggory." she said turning red.

"Oh, congratulations Luna" said Dean. "I heard he is a chaser for the Puddlemere United. Lucky bugger." Like that's the only reason why he's awesome. Boys, honestly. Cedric is ruggedly handsome with that six-pack abs and he's very smart, too. Although, he and Harry had some traumatizing time together during the Triwizard Tournament, they managed to escape together from that graveyard thanks to Cedric's quick reflexes and Harry's cunning. Winning the tournament together while defying death at the hands of Voldemort at the same time is hard to shrug off as a mere incident. So they became fast friends and are still keeping touch with each other. He is even keeping an eye on Harry in case he changed his mind about being an Auror and try out for his quidditch team instead.

"He has such great skin! And his hair is to die for" cried Parvati, bringing me back to the present.

"His eyes change colors, too. I wonder if he's a half-vampire like the rumors says." remarked Padma.

"He is so masculine! The epitome of manliness. You lucky, lucky girl!" Lavender congratulated Luna.

"He is intelligent, too. Washboard abs…yum", I added with relish and a hint of jealousy. If he got partnered with me instead…

"Oh, not you too Hermione!" complained Ron. "We get that he's a great catch, alright?"

"Yeah shut up about him already", grumbled Neville.

"Hey! He is good for Luna. At least she'll be fine if ever she married him." Harry defended Cedric.

For some reason Luna frowned at this. "I don't like him", she said. Jaws are dropping all over the floor at her remark. She is also doing that thing where she pinches her earlobes. That's not a good thing. It means that she's really annoyed and extremely pissed.

"Oh, come off it. He only teased you like that back then because he likes you", Padma explained with a smile. I remember Cedric's adorable pranks to our beloved Luna before he graduated. They were cute and harmless but she doesn't like it. He is the only one who could annoy Luna so much and he made sure that she would always notice him. I heard that after he graduated, he writes to her continuously almost every other day just to remind her of his existence and, of course, to annoy her.

Luna's mood just plummeted more and Dean, who was sitting across from her, patted her hand to soothe her. Harry who is in her right is looking uncomfortable so he asked Lavender who her partner is to direct the flow of the conversation away from Cedric.

"Well, I got Terry Boot or some such kid, I don't really know who he is", said Lavender. "Who did you get Ron?" she asked her one-time fling.

"It's Parkinson. Crap." Ron whined, remembering his situation. " Blimey, can you imagine me and her spawning little blighters, running around Diagon Alley? It scares the hell out of me." he ranted, obviously repulsed by the idea. Not that it would do him much good. I assume that pug-nosed Parkinson already read who she's been partnered with since she's looking our way. I just don't understand why she was staring at Ron like he's a meal or something. Eww. Gross.

"And she clearly doesn't mind", observed Luna. So, I wasn't the only one who noticed. Everyone looked highly disturbed by this.

Oh, no, she's coming over!

"Hello, Gryffindorks… or should I say Gryff-in-laws", Pansy drawled, shimmying at Ron's side.

We all looked at her like she's a dung-infested, pimply cow. While Ron was trying to get away from Pansy (tough luck, it looked like she didn't need a sticking charm, those arms should belong to a man), Pansy sneered at me and asked, "So, Granger, did you like your partner?"

Oh, no, she didn't. I thought they would all forget to ask me that question but the stupid bint just had to bring it up. I'm already considering employing Peeve's assistance and sneaking her a Weasley Wheezes nightmarish fart cupcakes. Oh, she'd fart all day. Hah. Evil bitch. I have to place an order tonight.

"Why so silent mud…er, Granger?" she covered her slip of the tongue with a cough. Smart girl.

"Yeah, Mione, why aren't you answering her question. The cow has a surprisingly coherent question" said Ginny. Now all of them are looking at me. Dang. Pansy didn't even bat an eye from the insult. She was enjoying this too much.

"It can't be all that bad, Mione. Come on, spill." Ron prodded. I am silently fuming now. This is bad, very bad. Harry is doing the scrutinizing-face thing again and Luna is looking at me with pity in her eyes since she already peeked at my letter earlier.

"Okay, the suspense is killing me! You better tell us already!", exclaimed Lavender. I took a deep breath. I should have bailed when I had the chance. Stupid, stupid. Let's just get this out in the open and get it over with.

I took a deep breath, but before I could utter a word, someone stood behind me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Why, are you ashamed to tell your friends about me?" Malfoy butted in, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. I jumped, startled, and looked at him. Stars above, he is smirking! I want to wipe off that smug look in his face and hex it to oblivion.

Nothing could ever compare to the cursing that followed. Yours truly swearing the loudest of all. Poor Luna had to join in on the riot for solidarity and all.


	2. Plot Number 1

**Updated!**

Okay, so, after the embarrassing display at the Great Hall yesterday, we landed on another nightmare: Detention. That's right. The Brightest Witch of her Age got detention last night! This is the worst day of the year so far.

After the War, Ginny and I were determined to go back to school and restart our lives to get the normalcy we thought we could finally have. I missed school and I fantasized about poring over books that I've ignored before. In fact, I want the title of The First Witch Who Finished Reading All the Books in the Hogwarts Library, in Like, Ever. Another crappy name, I know. Harry and Ron didn't actually plan on going back to school because they were so eager to be a part of the Auror department and catch more action and probably get to be the hero again when they catch the fleeing Death Eaters. And they did help, for a while. But then, it turns out that they needed to finish school for them to become official Aurors. Yup, even the Chosen One and his Sidekick don't get special treatment when it comes to education and face it; it doesn't look good when you claim to have vanquished the Dark Lord without a diploma. When I mentioned that thought to Harry, he made a 'what-the-heck?' face at me and Ron, who was eavesdropping, heard me too and he cast a Silencing Spell on me. The nerve.

So when Hogwarts reopened, we were excited to be back just studying and be like normal teenagers without the world weighing on our shoulders. For a while, we enjoyed the simple life- pranking Goyle, sneaking to the Forbidden Forest, getting Grawp to let us ride on his shoulders, trying to hook Mrs. Norris with Fluffy the three-headed dog, learning Mermish... good times. We were so happy. It is good to mingle with the other students and catch up, but it's also sad how few of us remained.

It didn't mean that they could just shove this Marriage Law thing on our laps and expect us to be eager to go along with it. They have the audacity to demand that we get hitched with our designated partners within the year after graduation, get impregnated at the span of two years after marriage and have at least two more every after three or less years thereafter! Lunatic, all those law-makers are! Divorce is not an option since they "value" the sanctity of marriage and don't want to encourage the "disintegration of families", oh no. They just want to deprive us of our freedom, our right to choose a spouse for ourselves (in my case, a right not to marry at all) and to control us. Yes! They're trying to control us! Oh, stars, my brain is in danger of falling out of my head.

Moving on…

The initial shock we felt yesterday is waning and the bad thing is, a few people are actually making an effort to accept it. This is not good. I need to do something to stir some sort of mutiny. So I made a list last night about how I could evade the stupid law.

Number one on my plan is: starting a protest. I mean, I'm good at this. I even have an experience starting a strike against houself slavery and a resistance against the Dark Lord. Alright, so S.P.E.W. is a total failure (I haven't given up on that one, though) but Dumbledore's Army is a smashing success. Yeah, yeah, so Harry and Ron co-founded it with me, whoopee doo, yadda, yadda, yadda.

First, I need to make people aware that there is a splendidly awesome champion among them that would bring hope to those who fell into the shadowy depths of the ministry's evil schemes and unite them to accomplish a common goal: trashing the ministry enough that they would abolish said law. So I made posters about my campaign and glued them all over strategic places inside and outside the castle that would magically draw the attention of students and repel the notice of professors- since I purposely didn't get a permit. I also handed out flyers that would magically erase themselves if the professors found or confiscated one.

I was busy gluing a poster near the Slytherin dorms when someone made his presence known.

I didn't have to look at my shoulders to see who it is. I know his God-awful scent that makes me heady most of the time. I mean that in a firmly negative way.

"Join us, blah, blah, fighting back, blah, blah, no to the marriage law, blah, blah... make love, not forced union, what the heck Granger? Can't your brain cook up another slogan that's not as lame as this?" his ferrety highness said reading the poster over my shoulders.

"You're welcome to come, Malfoy." I said calmly.

"You know, you could get caught." he said in that patented bored tone of his.

Why, oh, why is this poster not sticking well?

"Why, are you concerned about me?" I asked in a mocking tone. "Wouldn't want the mudblood to get in trouble now, would you?" I continued, slapping the dang poster flat.

"You know, we don't believe in discriminating people based on blood purity anymore right?"

"Riiight..." just one more side of this freaking paper to stick.. there, finished!

"So, you're going to orchestrate a demonstration against the law... brilliant but futile. We are not above the law, Granger" he mused, ignoring me.

"So, would you rather have them force us, us two, to marry?! Marry, Malfoy! Marry! You know, a lifetime of bloody commitment between the two most contradicting people in the whole blooming world" I said facing him.

"I am perfectly capable of understanding what you just said without you saying it over and over, Granger. Hmm, you are right. We have to do something about it. I mean, I wouldn't mind having you as my wife, darling, but I'd rather not be tied with a prissy, boring, absolutely abhorrent, and dear Lord!, a bush-head like you ever in this life or the next, no offense. "

"I'd have punched you, but that would be animal abuse" I retorted trying not to focus on not falling into that surprisingly deep pools of grey. "Well, darling, if you don't want a catastrophic relationship with the ah-mazing lady, right here, yeah you heard me right, you'd at least come with some of your more handsome and delightful friends over to the Room of Requirement at exactly 5 pm to discuss how we could sabotage their stupid plans. I, for your information, am doing this because they are actually thick-headed enough to have me paired up with an egotistical prat. So naturally, I'd have to go on a strike."

"And, naturally, I would have to help."

* * *

It's quarter to five already and I am dragging my friends to the Room of Requirement with me. I'm excited that I'm finally setting things in motion. I hope some students show up. I didn't post all those posters for nothing.

"Oh, no" complained Ginny, "This better not be the meeting to rouse anarchy!"

"You know it isn't, Ginny. Didn't I give you a flyer? It says nothing about anarchy."

"You shoved a bunch of flyers at me!"

"Great, then you read it, right?"

"I did! Doesn't mean that I actually want to participate!"

"Just go along with it Ginny, It's pointless arguing when she's all wound up like this."

"But, Padma! She wants us to go rogue on the ministry! We might as well just land ourselves a spot in Azkaban!"

"You're exaggerating Parvati. It's just a harmless demonstration."

"Yup, completely harmless and, hopefully, an eye-opening success." I said positively.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Hermione" said Harry.

"I missed hanging out here!" exclaimed Lavender when we arrived at the place while Dean seated himself in an armchair munching chocolate frogs.

I waited for them to settle themselves around the cozy room and beamed.

"I hope a lot of people will join us in this momentous..."

"Brain-deadening, completely hopeless..." interrupted Blaise Zabini as he entered the room.

"...utterly kooky, absolutely pointless... " Theo Nott pitched in.

"thoroughly predictable, mortifying..." a smirking Draco Malfoy continued.

"insane idea that would totally embarrass me if this ever failed, Granger." finished Pansy glaring at me. "Why am I here again?" among them trailed a few Hufflepuffs. No Ravenclaws except Padma, I see.

"Uh, erm..."

"Oh, yes, Weaslebee here promised to do something for me in return, isn't that right, honeybunch?"

"Ron did what?" asked Dean.

"You just entered a bargain with the evil witch." said Padma, shaking her head at the red-head's stupidity.

"Well, desperate times calls for desperate measures, I guess." said Ron, going red in the face. He must really be dead set against marrying her.

"Hey! And what kind of food did you shove at my throat last Monday, Granger? I was sick all day!"

"Yeah, Pansy polluted the Slytherin dungeons with her, uh, toxic gases." complained Nott.

"It was absolutely genius thing to do, Hermione, Can I call you Hermione?"

"No, you can't Blaise." I teased while using his first name myself.

"Thanks, Hermione. Anyway she was farting like those motorcycle-thing you muggles use, it was hilarious!" he laughed. Oh, yay me! Hopefully, that would be the last time she ever irritate the hell out of me.

"What is Malfoy doing here?" cried Neville.

"Well, I'd like to express my heartfelt support to whatever insane idea my frizzy haired _fiancée_ might have… and see the exquisite look on her face when she fails miserably."

"Really? It doesn't have anything to do with the picture of a certain frizzy haired witch on your room?" said Theo in an aside.

"Shut up, Nott. That was a collectible troll doll picture , you ponce!" Malfoy answered, trying to compose his face.

"Or the fact that a certain pointy-faced, pale wizard, wants to see her fail and claim the delightful prize?" continued Blaise grinning suggestively.

"Alright, alright, settle down morons and let the Queen speak." said Ginny, irritated.

So I delivered a fiery speech that would move mountains, set fire to the hardest of hearts and it would have inflamed everybody... that is if they have no problems concentrating on what I'm saying.

… What the hell?! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING!?" I bellowed.

Padma promptly closed the book she's reading, Luna snapped out of her usual funk, the rest is trying to hide the fact that they've just been playing Exploding Snap.

"Ouch, Mione! The entire London probably heard you screaming like a banshee!" Ron complained, rubbing his ears.

"Mione, you really have to lay back a little bit. You're too worked up right now"

"Dean's right Mione. How about we get together tonight, have a girl's night and sleep it off, eh?" coaxed Parvati.

My eyes are bulging out of their sockets, trying dang hard not to roll over the floor with all the glaring I'm doing.

"A girl's night?! What, are you mad?! We have more pressing things to attend to! I am trying to organize a strike here!" fire flaring out of my nostrils.

"I'm out", Neville said, making a quick escape. Tail tucked between his legs. The other students have already fled.

"No! Neville come back, I can give you an upgraded remembrall! Hey, hey!... and he's gone. You better not leave as well Harry, I can see you inching towards the door, you know!"

"Er…"

"Uh, Mione dear…"

"Don't 'Mione dear' me Ginny!"

"Alright, alright. I just wanna say that, er, this Marriage Law might be, you know, an okay thing to happen, cause, like, we can help rebuild the lost population and all…"

"By forcing us to be married against our will! "

"She's not talking about the 'how', Mione, she's talking about the positive effect it could deliver once you get past all the, um, guidelines." Padma articulated, trying not to sound awkward.

"Besides, the law's already in place. The law is law, you know?"

"As Lavender so eloquently put it, what can you do? We know we're all war heroes here, but even we can't veto a law. To them, we're just young brilliant students who were useful tools during the bloody War and now that everything's finally settling down, we're useless to them. They are in power so, we, as the loyal citizens of magical England are obligated to observe the Law accordingly." Harry said and I can't deny his logic there. I miss the old times when I was the rational one. He makes me feel like I'm maturing backwards when he gets all-knowing on me.

While the gang is busy looking at him admiringly, awestruck that he's capable in spouting such fancy sensible words, Luna spoke up for the first time.

"I'll help you, Hermione."

"No, no, Luna, you can't be serious," said Lavender eyeing her pleadingly.

"You can't be swayed in joining her disastrous plans! I won't let you protest. I won't," said Parvati with Dean nodding in agreement.

"You could get hurt, Luna, dear", said Ginny, concerned. "Besides, think of the delectable hotties we're paired up with!" she added, winking at Blaise who smiled widely at this.

"I'll help, too" said Ron determinedly. "Anything to get out of a marriage with… ugh, just thinking about it gives me the creeps! You are protesting with me Parkinson."

"Yeah, yeah. You owe me big time."

"Alrighty then!" I said, ecstatic to have at least a few accomplices. "I'll have the things we need ready by tomorrow. Please meet me after school hours on Wednesday at the Great Hall."

And with that said, I was already dashing out the door to busy myself with my brilliant plan.

I didn't hear the collective groan that emanated from the room I just left, no, l really didn't.

* * *

I spotted Luna waiting for me at the entrance of the Great Hall. A little later came Ron dragging a reluctant Parkinson who is dragging an extremely pissed Malfoy. My smile grew wider. The more, the merrier.

"Let's get this over with Granger" growled Malfoy "I'm only doing this because I don't want to be tied to a lunatic like you. I am seriously doubting that this demonstration would have any effect at all but what the hell, I'm trying just in case."

"Same here, ferret-face," I smiled sweetly.

"So, what now Granger?" asked Pansy. "I don't have all day."

I made them wear a band around their heads and painted their faces like in the movies for a greater effect. Now we really looked like pro protesters. Then I have them hold signs with varying messages of No-To-Marriage-Law phrases.

"Okay so here's the script." I handed out the parchment to each of them. I spied Neville and Lavender in the hallway so I coerced them to join us, too. Oh, yes, I have dirt on them. Besides, Neville should be punished for walking out on me during the meeting.

When the Great Hall is already full of hungry students, we started protesting at the top of our voices:

"No to forced marriage! We will not let our right to choose be taken away from us! No to the marriage law!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, trying to look intimidating.

"Abolish marriage law! No to the law, " my co-protesters chorused. They have an amazing set of lungs. Even the reluctant Neville started shouting with vigor when we chanted our outcries again and again. Some students actually shouted along with us and we felt so empowered.

The feeling of empowerment stopped short when the professors entered the Great Hall after their monthly meetings. Turns out that the Minister of Magic is among them, trying to discuss the same thing that we are protesting. When they looked at our direction to see what the commotion was all about, they we're outraged, some of them signalling me to stop the protest right away, looking at the Minister shamefaced. My fellow rebels began to turn tail one by one like the spineless ninnies they are.

The first one to be ripped from my resistance is, surprisingly, Luna Lovegood who was the only one who really supported me. Turns out that Parvati and Dean told Cedric about Luna's involvement with my 'deranged plan', those sniveling snitches, and he came in like a knight in shining armor ready to burn his way to 'rescue' Luna from my evil clutches. The Great Hall fell silent when he opened the door dramatically with a bang, strode towards us, glared at me with his fierce blazing eyes, literally swept Luna off her feet, carried her bridal style towards the Keep or to where ever he's taking her and out the door. All throughout the ordeal, Luna was so shocked she didn't get to react dramatically at all.

After that 'heroic' deed, the resistance fell apart.

Parkinson dragged a still protesting Ron away from the scene, probably to look for a broom closet to 'escape' the searing glares of Professor McGonagall. Those cowards! May the stars above save their babies from ugliness, ginger hair and pug noses. (My brain is starting to deconstruct at a rapid rate much like this rebellion).

Malfoy used his superior reflexes to run from it all, dodging a student here and there, finally making his way to the Slytherin table and trying to blend in the crowd, like he wasn't a part of it.

Poor Neville peed on his pants from too much fright that Harry and Dean have to help extricate him from where he's standing and led him to the loo.

Lavender panicked and tried to magic her way out by apparating, then remembered that we cannot apparate inside Hogwarts. She tried again using a Disillusionment spell but she was not focused so she ended up splashing herself with cold water from her wand. She is not to be daunted by her mistakes though and tried transforming herself into an animagus but because she was in a hurry, she was only able to transform her ears into a rabbit's. Ashamed and thoroughly defeated, she slapped her own rapidly reddening face with her palms and resorted in simply walking out of the crime scene.

And I was left alone shouting stubbornly all the time even during the chaos.

"No to the stinking stupid law!" I shouted on the professors' and the Minister of Magic's stupid faces. "No to the bloody marriage farce! No to the crappy, preposterous child-making demand! No to the freaking, fu-… Oww, Ow.. hey! Ahh! AWWWOOOCH! "

I didn't even get to finish my brilliant final line about the blasted, moronic Minister of Magic! Madam Hooch had me by the ear, dragging me towards the furious professors and one amused, damn him to hell, Minister of Magic.

* * *

So, my plan about the rebellion failed spectacularly. I got one week suspension, the horror! Nobody is even allowed to give me any kind of notes or revisions! They are evil pricks sent from hell designed to torture me! My hopes of restoring the protest was crushed by the cruel Professor Dumbledore when he said that next time I do anything like that, I'd be thrown into the deepest pit of my horrifying nightmare: gulp, gulp again - expulsion… EXPULSION! I'd rather die! Hmm… that's one way to evade the law.

The fight isn't over. I have other plans up my sleeve. Insert deranged evil laugh.


	3. Stupefied

I am currently sprawled on my four-poster bed with all of the curtains closed, sullenly brooding on another failed attempt to make the world a dang better place to live in than the 1500's. It's just been two days and I'm already going crazy from so much boredom. There's nothing to do. My clothes are impeccably organized; my homework and projects were finished 2 months ago; the room is sparkling clean and I've read all of the books in my trunk. Hell, I even scrubbed the common room spotless… I just forgot to take the house elves into consideration because they got furious and started trashing the common room just so they could clean it up again themselves. Now, I don't have anything better to do than to stew on my frustrations cause, clearly, it'll take an incredible amount of patience, cunning and hard work to finally bring about the eradication of that stupid law or else I'll find myself one day giving birth to a dozen of the ugliest albino ferrets ever. How dare the professors suspend me, a heroine from the Golden Trio, the bane of Death Eaters! Worse of all, I am banned from going to the library, my personal haven, all throughout the duration of my suspension! They must be trying to kill me through book deprivation.

Just when my mind was about to take me to my vengeful daydreams of being a frizzy haired version of Galadriel with my mighty lightsaber cutting through the blue-skinned Rufus Scrimgeour (in place of Thanos, may he rot in the Marvel universe's version of hell) who is bent on destroying the world with his evil, tyrannical, marriage law; Ginny, Lavender and Parvati came bursting inside the room, excitedly brushing my curtains aside and started chattering immediately.

"You wouldn't believe what's featured in Witch Weekly!" announced Lavender, eager to share the news of the day.

"Oh, no, did it say anything about the brightest witch of our age getting suspended?" I asked, suddenly worried about my reputation and the impact it might have on my future career prospects.

Ginny rolled her eyes at me and said, "No, silly! Whoever gossips about anybody getting suspended and lands an article about it, honestly!"

"It's about Cedric's actions the other day when you were all gung-ho about vainly protesting a non-negotiable issue… "

"Hey!"

"… and his 'rescue' of Luna from a 'disturbed, unfashionable student', not my words 'Mione, it's what the article says," Parvati said, quick to defend herself. "Apparently, girls all over England are swooning over his protectiveness for Luna."

"…disturbed and unfashionable, huh?..." I muttered to myself. "I can't believe it. There we were, doing something for a good cause and all they have to say about it was some bloody insignificant detail that is completely irrelevant to the event? Not even one mention of our outcries against the confounded law?" I asked. I am beyond dumbfounded at this. The magazine missed the point entirely. Cedric be damned, he just ruined my demonstration.

"Yep, the nerve of them, right?" said Ginny, sarcasm plastered in her face. I wanna slap it with dung.

"They are even writing a fictional story about them that will be available to read at the features section next week. According to the preview, they will be portraying Cedric as a caped man with fangs that changes eye-color according to his mood and Luna will be someone clueless and clumsy. If Luna reads Witch Weekly like all normal witches do, she might find it interesting," she continued already anticipating the next issue.

"Or she might blast the writer off the face of the earth," retorted Parvati and she might not be wrong. She'd rather hunt for the imaginary crumple-horned snorkack than to pay attention to some gossip mag. "The story they're going to publish reminds me of the romance novel you lent me, Mione"

"Twilight? You actually read it?"

"Yes, Twilight. I do read stuff that doesn't include boring lectures, you know. I like that book. Especially Edward, dreamy, sparkling Edward!" sighed Parvati. Yep, she's all about shiny things. Boy, just look at her gold tooth; it's enough to make anyone go blind.

"I'm already fangirling over Lunadric hard!" swooned Lavender.

"Lunadric?" my hearing must be impaired or *gasp* is it a new word that I don't know about? Why do I have to be banned from the library at a time like this?!

"Oh, it is what I call Cedric and Luna's ship name." Oh… she must be so darn proud. She knows how to string two names together, yippee!

"That's ridiculous! It sounds like 'lunatic'!"

"Well, it's better than Diggorylove or Lovedig or Diggood or Ludric or Luced, and I mean, Lovediggoodorry sounds like a factory for dumb hair products!" she said seriously. She obviously put a lot of thought in this oh-so-important matter.

"How about naming them Cena?" asked Ginny, intrigued. Okay, this conversation is starting to get weird fast.

"Oh, psshh, too short. Lunadric for fantastic!" Does she even know what she's saying anymore?

"You know, they're not the only ones mentioned in the articles. There's more juicy stuff!" said Parvati, making a face at Lavender, slightly resenting the fact that she hadn't thought about it first. You can count on them one-upping each other in the most absurd pursuits. "Apparently, they have indirectly witnessed Ron and Pansy going at it like trolls in heat on a secluded corner. The press went delirious when someone sent a picture of them snogging, (*cough* Collin, that perverted bastard *cough*), and turned it into a phenomenal scoop." Ooh, now that's something!

"I have got to get my hands on that one!" I said grinning, planning on having it framed. So, Parkinson gives him the creeps, huh? Good to know he's having a good time being 'creeped out'. If Ron isn't at quidditch practice with Harry right now, I would have teased him mercilessly about it. But then again, this might be the bargain she was referring to. No wonder she was all about protesting the other day.

"Mom is going to kill him. She reminded him again and again that he should mind his actions in public because people recognize him now. Then he goes and does this! Ugh, he is thinking through his dick otherwise he would have found a better hiding place than that."

"Parsley!" Lavender suddenly interjected, interrupting Ginny's rants. We all looked at her, confused.

"What about parsley? You hungry or something?"

"No, Parkinson and Weasley, Parsley!" she said with that proud look again. Ginny was about to say something but she cut her off saying, "Don't you even dare suggest Ronsy or Panron or Weaskinson cause that is just dumb." I'm having trouble deciding what's dumb. I suppose that everyone is entitled to be stupid once in a while, but she abuses it sometimes.

"What is it with you and mashed-up names?" I asked.

"I actually have a ship name for everyone in our group with their respected ministry-appointed partners. Like Harry and Astoria Greengrass. I call them Astorry."

"Ooh, that's actually good!" Parvati exclaimed. "But Potgrass or Greenpot sounds good, too!"

"Potgrass, hahaha! Sounds like a couple on drugs!" laughed Ginny. "Oh, do go on. I, surprisingly, am loving this."

"Well Dean and Daphne could be, I don't know, Deandaph?"

"or Thomgreen, Deangrass or Greenmas?" Parvati supplied trying really hard to come up with something decent.

"Nah, that's lame." I said, getting hooked myself.

"Yeah, their names are boring anyway, not to mention that the bitch is still openly going out with Theo Nott even if they are not meant together. Now, Lavender and Terry could be Terrynder or Laverry" said Parvati.

"Well, they could be called Brownboot or Lavenderboot" said Ginny, laughing now.

"I personally like Laverry." replied Lavender, ignoring the red head. "Well, Parvati, you and Cormac McLaggen have difficult names to mash. How about Corvati? Er, Parmac?" asked Lavender, not sure. Parvati looks like she's thinking hard. Too hard. Why is she's so serious about it?

"There's McPatil and Patlaggen" I said, not sure either while Ginny laughs harder.

"Well, you sleep on that one for now. I just thought of a good name for Padma and Collin Creevey," said Ginny wiping her tears from laughing so hard. "We can call them Coma, even Creeptil! Hahaha!"

Creeptil, hmmm, an apt name… Why don't they just go ahead and name them Creepy? I have a feeling that this couple would be the creepiest of all since I accidentally saw Padma sensuously posing for Collin's camera yesterday after being kicked out from the library and she loved every second of it! Sadly, I cannot unsee the highly disturbing sight. How Creevey got her to pose like that, I wouldn't know… unless Padma's a closet exhibitionist. Ugh… if that's the case, she had us all fooled, yapping about how she dislikes Collin when, upon reconsideration, they are most definitely perfect for each other.

"That's nothing on Cho Longbottom! Get it? Cho long, Bottom!" Parvati said suddenly laughing hysterically, thankfully snapping me out of my thoughts. "And the sad part is, that's going to be her official name once they're married!" she continued.

"C'mon, there's some possibility of a decent mash-up name for them. Take Choville or Chobottom!" I can't help myself from adding. This is getting fun!

"Or Changville, Changbottom, Longchang, the possibilities are endless!" said Ginny grinning. "I wonder what my mash-up name with Blaise will sound like."

"Oh, please, you already have one. Your official ship name is Blinny; Dramione for Mione and Draco Malfoy. Witches go on , too, you know," said Lavender knowingly.

"I, what?! There is a Dramione fanfiction?" I asked, incredulous.

"Yep. We just have this thing about love/hate relationships. There's something oddly titillating about it" she responded with a dreamy look on her face.

"Well, I'll make sure it won't turn into a reality." I declared determinedly. Pigs would fly and Neville would spawn toads before that horror comes to pass.

"Well, as a matter of fact, you would go well together," said Parvati earnestly. Ginny and Lavender are nodding thoughtfully at this and are looking at me as if to make me confirm the preposterous thought.

"You better add 'just kidding', cause that's going to cost you dearly if you didn't." I threatened her all the while wondering where I could get my hands on a Pimple Breakout Cream.

"Just kidding", she says sarcastically. "Seriously, though, you could be a power couple and ,frankly, I don't see the problem with getting married to a handsome, rich, and charming guy like him." Wow, she even doesn't sense how close I am to jinxing her and making her nostril hair grow longer... and shiny just like her golden tooth.

"And it's not like you could escape getting hitched to him in the end, knowing that you failed in getting the authorities to scrap the marriage law." Said Ginny. Well that just hurts my pride.

She's right, though. I'll have to plan something drastic because, obviously, the voice of the minority would always end up falling on deaf ears. To be heard seriously, I have to accumulate some sort of influence over the majority. I could practically feel the wheels on my head turning feverishly.

"I'm thinking about going for another strategy." I said slowly. When I am certain that I have their curiosity piqued, I told them my, hopefully, feasible plan."What do you guys think about overthrowing the current Minister of Magic and me running for the position instead?"

Man, they reacted very fast I had whiplash.

I was suddenly jerked away from my bed with Ginny and Lavender manhandling me out of the dorm.

"Mayday! Mayday! Hermione's gone berserk! Emergency meeting, room of requirement, stat!" commanded an alarmed Parvati while conjuring a Patronus and sent the message to the rest of our friends.

I was about to protest, my hands inching for my wand but Ginny was too fast. She stupefied me! She freaking stupefied ME!

"This is for your own good Hermione" murmured Ginny just before I drift into unconsciousness.

* * *

I woke up, in a surprisingly comfortable loveseat, hearing voices somewhere on my right. I'm still a bit disoriented and I'm trying to remember how I ended up here in this room. Then the memories came rushing back to me and I'm starting to feel very petulant about how they treated me back there. I mean, Ginny stupefied me! She never even hesitated about it! Oh, I'm so going to get her. They don't know that I'm awake yet. I could get her with a Twitchy-Ears Hex or a Toenail-growing hex…

"You can't be serious…" I heard Harry say, clearly worried. Oh, my, I must have missed something important. What could have worried Harry this way?

"I am, Harry. You know how she makes that look when she's cooking up something awful, like torching Bellatrix alive? That look, Harry, that same look."

They are talking about me… hmm. What have I done now? They are all awfully solemn about the issue like we're at the middle of a courtroom.

"Ugh," Harry shuddered from the memory. He managed to calm Hermione that time, so no harm done, but that look suggests that she means business. "Okay, Ginny, what did she say exactly?"

"She said, and I quote, 'What do you guys think about overthrowing the current Minister of Magic and me running for the position instead?' " Ginny said in a ridiculous voice in a poor imitation of me.

"Wow, you sound just like her!" said Dean. Well, I never!

"Hermione is really going through a tough time, I mean she got suspended and she isn't even allowed in the library, that's enough to make her go crazy", Ron said flatly. Nice to know that he's got my back. Crazy, indeed!

"Not to mention that she will still have to marry the amazing bouncing ferret…" added Padma.

"You guys, she's awake" Luna told them, glancing at my direction.

In the blink of an eye, I sat upright and did the first thing I wanted to do: hex Ginny.

"Oy!" the gang cried at the same time while Luna prevented Ginny from falling over with a surprisingly quick reflex.

"I guess I deserved that" smiled Ginny ruefully, ears twitching uncontrollably.

"Mischief managed" I said, looking smug. I can't stay mad at her for too long. Not that I'd perform the counter-spell. Let it run its course!

"Hermione, dear, please tell us that you were just pulling our legs with the 'running for the Minister of Magic post' bit" pleaded Parvati. Oops.

"Uh…" was my brilliant reply while I was gathering my wits to make a proper response. I'm still coming up blank.

"Oh, no. That right there, means trouble. Hermione get back to your senses!" said Ron, shaking me.

"Hey! Get your hands of me!" I swat his hands away before my teeth falls off. "I was just thinking, you know, about the different strategies on how I could crush the law with my bare hands and chuck it to hell…" I explained, getting a bit incensed.

"Hmm, I see what you mean, Ginny", said the annoying Potter. Pottgrass! Greenpot! Haha… Oh, jeepers, I'm losing it.

"And to think, with all her efforts and heroism in the war, she would be the first one to sacrifice herself for the greater good, even if it means abiding by the marriage law… but no, sir! She'd actually plan on assassinating the Minister and assume his place, sowing chaos…"

"I didn't say anything about assassination, Lavender! Honestly, where'd you get that from?!"

"I'm getting nervous. With a brain like yours Hermione, you could actually act on it and some might just follow you. I'm afraid we'll have another, more terrifying Voldemort and there'll be another freaking war with the Death Grangers laying waste to the land…" Lavender stopped Neville's mind from leaping to his wild imaginations and put a calming hand on his shoulders. Merlin's pants, did he just have a panic attack? She's telling him to breathe slowly while he looks at me fearfully.

"Oh, c'mon guys! Did you really have to call an emergency meeting about what I said? I was just thinking loudly, is all." I reassured them, but I am still hoping…

"It's just, well, it's you, Hermione. We never really know if you're serious or not! I mean, I thought you were kidding about SPEW but you weren't…" said Ginny.

"Hell, I thought she was kidding about stuffing Rita Skeeter in an unbreakable jar but she wasn't! She wasn't even kidding when she stole some ingredients from Snape's cupboard and brewed some illegal potion with it! Snape's friggin' cupboard!" exclaimed Ron. Pffft... who's afraid of Snape when we got past Fluffy, the gigantic three-headed freaking dog?! Not to mention creepy Voldy...

"I thought she was kidding about building Dumbledore's Army, but she wasn't. I thought she was kidding about riding the Gringgot's dragon to escape some Death Eaters, given her fear of heights, but she wasn't" thought Harry aloud.

"I thought she was kidding about the protest, but she wasn't…" added Padma in an aside.

"I thought she was kidding about giving Pansy fart cupcakes, but boy did she do it." finished Lavender like it's some horrible thing to do…

"So, you think I could run for the Minister of Magic if I wanted to?" I asked, looking all innocent. I'm already fantasizing about the first order of business that I would implement if I really became the Minister. Abolishing the stupid marriage law first is a no brainer. Next would be deporting a certain albino ferret to the Amazon rainforest. Then I could finally create a SPEW branch in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. I might even get to declare a Muggles Day! Just imagine the wizards on long, breezy dusters riding the rollercoaster while trying to eat French-fries!

"You could in the future, you know. Absolutely not in this decade, but you totally could", contemplated Luna in all seriousness.

"No, I think she could do it, even now, I mean she has a lot of fans here in England…" mused Padma. Interesting, I didn't know that I have fans.

"But she's underage!" countered Dean.

"She's the brightest witch of her age", argued Parvati.

"She doesn't know anything about laws, does she?" asked Lavender.

"Well, she defended Buckbeak…" said Harry.

"But she failed", replied Ron.

"But she found a way to break him out of a death sentence along with Sirius Black, then known as a fugitive of the law. Do you see how formidable she can be?" Ginny countered.

"Hmm, I didn't know that I have such stout supporters. I wonder…"

"Don't even think about it Hermione." Harry firmly told me off. "You lot are right to be concerned about this. She is dangerous. She's gone right of the bend, you'd think that she'll be stronger than this since she survived a blasted war…"

"Hey, I'm standing right here you know!" I said. I don't know if I should be proud because they think that I'm a genuine threat to the ministry or act all sulky because they don't support me on this. My face must be weird-looking right now because they are all looking at me with confusion. I opted for the sulky look.

"Well, if you don't want me to be the Minister that much, I say we overthrow the ministry and put Harry on the throne! No one would dispute that, I mean, he is the Boy-Who-Lived-And-Toasted-Voldemort's-Ass! Then we could abolish the marriage law and no one would be able to stand in our way! Who's with me?" I asked half-jokingly.

They didn't get the humor. They gaped at me like I'm some special kind of deranged. I'm getting a bit uneasy here. I feel responsible in breaking the ice, so I joked, "Well, Neville, how would you like to be the first ever Death Granger? Huh?" I chuckled feebly.

Neville bolted from the room so fast, he must've broken a record.

I was stupefied again- twice now in one freaking day!

When I awoke from my stupor, I found myself dumped in Dumbledore's office this time. Some friends, they are.

"Ah, you're finally awake, Miss Granger", said an amused Dumbledore. "Your friends came in here with you in tow and said that you're having some serious psychological issues. You should have seen their faces while they're trying to explain what happened. I gather that you are still hesitant about the marriage law?"

"I am not hesitant at all, Headmaster, I am adamant that the law be revoked cause I won't stand for it", I said defiantly.

"Ever the bold one, you are. While I admire that trait in you, I am surprised that you would go to great lengths as to plot an assassination…"

"That Lavender, honestly! I never said anything about killing anyone, sir!" I defended myself. I mean, I came close to considering it but my conscience won't let me stoop that low… I'll just sneak him some U-No-Poo potion when an opportunity presents itself because I'm rapidly nursing a grudge on that wacked-up Scrimgeour… maybe that would do him in...

"Alright, but why would you contemplate on overthrowing the Minister of Magic? That is not something I would expect from you, young lady. You know better than the students in here that doing so would result in catastrophic public disarray! I wouldn't put it past you to do something of this magnitude, since you pulled an illegal demonstration before, so I must be assured that I have your word not to do or think something as reckless as this again"

Oh, great. He believes I'd do it, too. Well, I'd totally do it if they just support me this once, but I know already that they won't so no use crying over spilt milk. These people are really taking my words way too seriously. Surely, I'm not all that scary, am I?

"You know, I could have you thrown in Azkaban for insubordination and treason." He threatened when I didn't answer.

"You don't know how tempting that sounds like right now…"

"You must be so dead set against tying the knot with Mr. Malfoy if you're willing to be thrown in Azkaban", he observed with a twinkle in his eyes.

Oh, shit. I must've said my thoughts aloud.

"Uh, yes. I mean, I don't like Malfoy. Could you at least switch my intended partner instead? I promise not to trouble you anymore if you did. I'd even take Peeves!" I compromised, a little desperate.

Dumbledore actually laughed at me! He IS barmy! Now, I'm placing him on my list of people I need to get payback from. Maybe sneak it in his Bertie Bot's Every Flavored Beans…

"Oh, Ms. Granger, is that the only problem you have with the marriage law?" he guffawed quiet loudly. My face must've affirmed his question somehow because he grew solemn again, sighed and said, "I cannot undo what is done already. The Department of Mysteries was responsible for pairing you up and they are quiet good at what they do. They determined your compatibility, your intellectual capacity and emotional range and they declared you completely suited for each other. As a matter of fact I don't know why you haven't fallen for each other already seeing as sparks fly whenever you two are within a foot of each other."

Sparks fly, indeed. More like scorching flames and flying pitchforks with all the scathing barbs we hurl at each other. If insults could kill, I would be dead a thousand times over, and him, a million times over. That's how awesome I am.

He is still lecturing me about the importance of unity, admonishing me for being childish, and OMG how does he go on and on and on!… oh, no… he's starting to sing a song now! Morgana's sagging behind! Is that even a human singing?! I'd have to cut my ears off and regrow new ones that haven't heard this terrible caterwauling!

After a very looong time (as you can imagine, I am already the embodiment of a stewing cauldron brimming with fury), he extorted a promise from me to never ever start killing officials for my selfish reasons and to never annihilate the ministry (that paranoid old bat) then sent me away to dinner. I hurriedly showed myself out.

As the door opened, I saw my dear, precious friends standing outside the office, waiting for me anxiously. Oh, the poor idiots. They should never have waited for me…

Summoning all the wild birds I could think of, I unleashed a force of feathers and claws and have it chase them all to their doom. Screams and shouts of indignation followed it's wake.

Priceless.


	4. Revenge

While Hermione is taking her sweet time walking towards the Great Hall, whistling to the tune of Christina Warbeck's "Run, Fools, Run!", the rest of our frazzled gang are still screaming at the top of their lungs, still being relentlessly chased by those nasty, screeching birds. They found out to their dismay, that using a vanishing spell will just multiply its number and what's more appalling is it grew larger and those newly evolved abominations started popping and dropping rotten eggs at them with pinpoint accuracy. They still have to go through a long abandoned corridor, 3 flights of stairs and another hallway to finally reach the Great Hall and, hopefully, get some help. The people they encountered on the way were no help at all. As soon as they saw the birds, they tried vanishing them, too, and poof! The birds got bigger and bigger, not to mention that they are now pelting bigger and more putrid eggs at them. Those useless idiots have no choice but to join them on their flight, yelling profanities and trying to outrun the other students. Poor Neville really needs more exercise or he wouldn't be lagging behind, getting most of the birds' wrath.

Finally, the ragtag group reached the last step of the third stair and relief spread towards them as they dashed through the long hallway, opened the doors to the Great Hall and shouted for help with the storm of feathers trailing on their heels, swiftly gaining ground. The professors, who were already eating at the staff table, heard their cries of help, quickly stood as one and mightily brandished their wands towards the vicious birds (which now came to the size of a full grown Doberman Pinscher) and together shouted the resounding words: "Evanesco!" to the horrified yells of "No!", or "Not the Vanishing spell again!".

Luckily, Professor McGonagall, who was late for dinner, happened to come at the right time and fixed the problem with a short incantation before the situation got anymore worse. The whole student body, who were preparing themselves for a potentially disastrous dinner, collectively sighed in relief and then one by one applauded the professor who successfully rid the Hall of those evil creatures. Harry and the rest of his friends clapped each other on the back to congratulate themselves for surviving another one of Hermione's brutal retaliation. It would take a long while before they dare to get on her bad side again.

When the students finally settled down, we could find the gang scourgifying themselves to remove the stains from their robes at the Gryffindor table. They could do nothing about their torn clothes, though, and the stench until they take a bath.

"Ugh, Hermione really knows how to whip up some revolting hexes," said a very disgusted Parvati. "Look at me, I'm a bloody mess!" Her hair was windswept and she has a few scratches on her arms.

"We all look like a bunch of rags right now, not to mention stinky as hell, dammit! ", moaned Ginny who was unlucky enough to be pelted by two or more eggs. For all her athletic prowess, she is still sporting torn sleeves from when she was snatched by a particularly vicious eagle and was almost lifted to the roof if it wasn't for Dean who stupefied the bird. Well, he couldn't prevent it from laying one last humongous egg straight towards Ginny's head before it exploded… into another cavalry of birds.

"Come here, Luna. You've got something on your hair," Lavender, who was finished grooming herself to the best of her abilities (she could not mend her shirt which was torn, exposing her midriff, and maybe she doesn't want to), proceeded to fuss on the Ravenclaw's hair with Parvati's help. She somehow got a lot of feathers stuck on her long silvery hair and some landed on her clothes.

"Ugh! This is hopeless", exclaimed a very angry Padma, "My hair, my clothes, ugh… Wow, I smell like the blasted sewers!" She marched toward the Ravenclaw's table and ate, planning to hog an entire bathroom to herself later. She won't eat at the Gryffindor table this time because when Hermione comes in, she might not be able to restrain herself from retaliating with a tooth-enlarging spell. She knows all too well that it will begin another cycle of hexing and the poor castle might just give up trying to stand on its own and collapse. Collin joined her to her delight (even when he conjured a bubble to encase his head to keep the smell out), discussing very discreetly a new 'photography project' involving some steamy cosplays.

"Yeah, we stink but I wouldn't go to the baths yet. I am starving like crazy after running around like that", said Dean to anybody who'd listen, shrugging. He didn't even bother to tend to his injuries after scourgifying himself. He's got Harry for that. Harry doesn't eat before he mends everyone's scratches and bruises. Harry shared the healing salve he always keeps on his person since he doesn't seem to run out of injuries even after the war. He blames quidditch, testosterone and Hermione for that. If he has some pills to cure crazy, he would risk his life again to shove it down her gullet.

"Amen to that, Dean" Said Ron who was already stuffing himself with chicken while Ginny turns her attention to him and started plucking feathers stuck in his back. Pansy, seeing this opportunity to practice becoming a loving wife, marches from the Slytherin table, shoves Ginny aside and began to conjure various tools to help make Ron presentable. In no time, Ron's spot transformed into a mini salon. While Pansy blow dries his hair, Ron reaches out to give her a spoonful of cake to eat while working. She smiles gratefully and chewed on her cake, vigorously working on his hair. Ginny shoots her a dirty look, shrugs and goes to the Slytherin table instead, finds Blaise and makes him fuss over her while she eats daintily. The Slytherin students can be seen unmoving, food halfway toward their mouths, agape in shock and confusion, not knowing what to do at times like this when a Gryffindor (and a Weasley at that!) sits at their table like nothing's amiss. They've been like that for a while now and Draco Malfoy, who wasn't at all disturbed, looks casually around the Hall to see if he has someone to clean up, too, doesn't find any bedraggled Grangers about, to his (secret!) disappointment, glares at his frozen housemates and tells them to eat their dang food already and that Weasleys aren't poisonous when they aren't added to soup anyhow.

Dean looks up from his food and checks to see if Ginny is alright among the snakes and was relieved when they didn't appear to be throwing hexes at her. His eyes accidentally lands on Daphne and she met his gaze, challenging him to dare her to come over like those lovesick fools but he clearly doesn't care whatever she does and goes about eating his food with relish. Daphne was clearly stunned that she misconstrued the look in his eyes and belatedly realized that he wasn't even intending to stare at her. Worst of all, he was indifferent. That stung. She knows that she is with Theo despite the marriage law but their relationship wouldn't last long anyway because, unlike Hermione, she doesn't actually have the guts to defy the law. Besides, she already accepted the fact that she would end up being married to Dean Thomas. Her relationship with Theo had already fizzled to smoke months ago at any rate and they are just taking their time to fool around for a few days more because they wouldn't have that luxury again in a few months' time. Sulking, she pushed her plate away and nursed her deflated ego.

Meanwhile at the Lion's table, the others who take hygiene very seriously are still trying to make themselves more presentable before touching their food. Cedric Diggory, who was at the staff table, spotted a disheveled Luna (fussed over by Lavender and Parvati), hurries over to their table and took charge in taking care of her. He remained in Hogwarts because he is worried about his intended since she is still associating with the frizzy-haired trouble-maker, so he took a leave of absence from the quidditch team and becomes the assistant flying coach for the time being. Parvati and Lavender sighs at the display of affection while Luna keeps trying to tell him that she's fine and to go away but he ignores her and continue fixing her hair.

"Aww… They're so adorable!" swooned Parvati, eyes glued at the lovebirds while bumping her way to her spot on the dining table, picks a sandwich, still looking at the couple. Lavender joins her, suddenly feeling ravenous.

"If I am not so hungry, *munch* I would've conjured a parchment and quill *munch* to write a play by play account of their movements *munch munch* right now for reference. *gulps juice* My fanfic should be at least realistic… *wipes mouth* then, maybe, *nom nom* I could even have it published on Witch Weekly!", said Lavender, tearing at her pork ribs. "Look at me! I'm reduced to eating like a bloody savage because of Ms. Wackadoodle! Oh, I'm so famished, I could eat England…" she continued with her mouth full while memorizing Lunadric's movements. Talking, eating, and spinning a story in her head all at the same time? Parvati is almost proud of her. Who would've thought that she's capable of multi-tasking?

Cedric is now becoming overbearingly motherish as he shoves more food into Luna's plate thinking about how she must be so traumatized. I mean, birds the size of an elephant, itchy feathers and sharp beaks! She needs more food to settle her obviously queasy stomach and oh, dear, he spotted another tuft of feather on her nape… that sweet, smooth nape, wondering what it's gonna be like when he finally gets the chance to kiss it… Luna smacks his wandering hands and elbows him hard in the stomach. She must be weak or he has an incredibly hard stomach because he doesn't move an inch and only smirks to hide his impish thoughts.

"Stop giving me more food! I can't eat all that… and Blibbering Humdingers! There is no feather left on my collar, shove off!" cried Luna who was perfectly fine till he came lumbering towards her in what she thinks is an unnecessary concern. Honestly, she could take care of herself! She didn't survive the war for nothing and honestly, her friends are protective enough.

"But my lovely poochy pie, I'm just taking care of you!" he said in that cheesy baritone of his while wiggling his eyebrows. He is doing it out of real concern but he can't help trying to fluster her anyway. Oh no, she stops eating! He picked up her spoon and coaxed her to eat another bite. Luna bites his hand instead.

While Cedric is trying not to scream like a girl in front of the woman who is currently trying to severe his hand from his wrist, Harry is looking at a very uncomfortable Neville while eating his pumpkin pie. The poor bloke is trying to mend his tattered clothes. Neville seems to have taken the most damage in terms of clothing. The others sported slightly ripped clothes, a missing collar here, a lost sleeve there, but he looks like he was homeless his entire life. His robe was discarded somewhere and his shirt is frayed beyond recognition. His pants have a lot of holes in it, too. Harry wants to help but he is too exhausted and needs to replenish his strength with food. He doesn't even bother with spoon and just used wandless magic to put food in his mouth.

Now, Neville, frustrated that his mending spells doesn't seem to work, manages to vanish his shirt completely. "Oh, Merlin!", he shouted in anger, not noticing the appreciative stares he got from the girls (and some boys) directed in his unexpectedly toned body. How did they miss such a delightful spectacle before? He is still seething from his lost shirt but he still can't eat. He is itching to mend his pants like the clean freak he is. He is trying to ignore his compulsion to do anything about it because it might suffer the same fate as his shirt but he can't seem to take his eyes off the holes and tattered pieces of cloth hanging around its edges and, oh, he can't take it anymore, so he tries mending it reluctantly with his eyes closed, wishing for Pete's sake that he wouldn't find it vanished to oblivion. After he swished his wand this way and that in what he thinks is the right way to restore his pants to its former glory, he carefully opened an eye and takes a look at his handiwork. Bloody simpering gargoyles! Would the humiliation never end? In place of pants, a tattered skirt appeared somehow, and cripes! Its breezy down there. In fact, it's too breezy… He prayed very hard to all the gods that it isn't what he thinks it is, then surreptitiously pulled at the waistband to peek inside, and lo and behold! His undergarments are gone! He seriously considered fainting.

"Umm, do you need help? You look like you need it right now."

Neville glanced at his savior, trying really hard not to burst into tears and saw a very red Cho Chang who was looking at her fingernails while sneakily peeking at his abs and biceps now and then. Neville just nods, feeling that words aren't needed much at this point.

"Here you go", said Cho Chang handing him a shirt she transfigured from her hankie. The Ravenclaw is quiet brilliant with transfiguration.

"Thanks", mumbled Neville who took it eagerly and wore it. It's a bit tight but he'll take anything. Cho is still there, waiting for Neville to ask her help in transfiguring his skirt back to pants when a gust of wind blew his short skirts enough for Cho to witness something she shouldn't. She panicked, pointed her wand at his skirts, chanting the spell that would make him decent again but she was too distracted and poof! There goes his skirt… with no replacement this time.

Cho was tremendously mortified at her blunder and quick as a flash, tries very hard to block Neville's privates becoming very public knowledge because, dammit, it's hers for the taking according to the law and oh, how thankful she is towards that blessed law. Dean, who was enjoying Neville's predicament, determined that the poor guy is embarrassed enough so he silently took off his robes, gave it to Cho who frantically wrapped it around his waist. They are attracting more attention now and she can't stop hugging his waist to keep the robe in place because Neville seems to be petrified, his eyes lost focus from too much shock and he can't seem to make his limbs move so he could flee the country.

"Er… you better take him to the dorms, Cho Chang", said a very impressed Lavender. Who knew that Neville is keeping such a BIG secret? Luna walked over to them, tapped Neville with her wand and cast a Disillusionment Charm on him (so no one will see him in all his naked glory) and went back to her seat with dreamy eyes. No mistaking her brain taking her to a LONG disturbing path. Cedric promptly tugged her hair to take her back to the present, looking very annoyed, seriously thinking about flashing her so she would forget about Neville's goodies. His was better anyway, his male pride sang.

Cho Chang didn't waste time and ushered him to the Gryffindor tower despite Harry's offer to escort Neville himself. They didn't return to eat dinner that night.

* * *

Hermione entered the Great Hall smiling, feeling smug. She went to the Gryffindor table to eat as if nothing happened. Every one of her friends directed nasty looks at her direction, including those who defected to other tables, but she just shrugged it off and reached for her plate and proceeded to stuff it with anything she could get her hands on.

"Oh, my, do go on and don't mind the reek coming from us poor creatures and have a nice meal won't you? Turn a blind eye on our tattered clothes like the peasants we are and gorge yourself fat!" seethed Parvati. For someone who just did something nasty, she sure looks anything but remorseful.

Hermione just smirks feeling very proud of herself.

"Yeah, why don't you choke on that pumpkin juice? After you half-massacred your friends who was only trying to help you get professional diagnosis on your mental health, you just sit there as if it's a perfectly splendid day to eat roast mutton!" Wow, Lavender is on a roll today. What else would she accuse Hermione of doing? Set the school on fire? Enslave mankind? Pfftt. Someone should really remind her that when the birds were sent loose, she was at the very front of the fleeing students, jinxing those gaining on her to keep her place at the fore, only thinking about herself and how she would sacrifice her entire friends just to keep them between her and the savage birds. Ron, one her victims, rolled his eyes at her.

"Massacre, Lavender? Really?" Hermione chortled.

"Or would you prefer attempted mass murder?" asked Harry, very put off. Hermione made a face at him. Lavender must be rubbing off on him.

"Why can't you just use normal magic like normal wizards do? Why do you have to tweak spells and make it difficult trying to get rid of it? How can birds be that huge?!" moaned Ron who was developing another phobia aside from spiders. Pansy who was finished grooming him and is now eating primly (a stark contrast from her husband-to-be), is trying not to gape at Hermione in amazement, realizing the source of the commotion earlier, and throws her a dirty look to support Ron's side.

"Nice touch making those birds drop rancid eggs. Mind teaching me that spell? I'm itching to try it on someone else", remarked a nonchalant Dean, though battered from the experience, is still very impressed by her alteration to the Impugno spell.

"Oh, God, no… not another super-villain in the making!" said Lavender, theatrically massaging her temples. Dean pointedly looks at her, trying to make her realize that he meant to target her. After Lavender all but thrown him to the sharks earlier, it's quite a feat how he's not yet hexing her.

"Sure. I can even teach you how to make it according to your specifications, instead of dropping eggbombs, you can make their feathers sharp…" replied Hermione, no doubt already working through another alteration of the spell on her mind.

"Cause nothing makes it better than adding personal touches… brilliant as always", Cedric commented drily. He is still at the Gryffindor table annoying Luna. "But you're crazy. An absolute lunatic."

Hermione snorted at that remembering Lavender's name for the couple.

"Stop snorting like a pig. And stay away from Luna. You're obviously a bad influence", he finished, protectively putting an arm (the one with the teeth marks) around Luna's shoulders which she slaps away.

"You don't get to tell me what to do. And I like Hermione. If it wasn't for this stupid law, I would've married her instead!" cried an indignant Luna. Ron's got that scandalized look on his face while Lavender just got an idea for her fanfic involving a weird love triangle. The rest snickered at Cedric's offended expression.

"Tell me, do I have to be worried about girls, too? And here I thought I'd guard you from guys who might hit on my bride to be! You have got to get used to the idea that we belong together." said Cedric in all seriousness, dramatic as always. Hermione wonders what kind of film he is watching because he's kind of a sap. Not to mention that his timing is way off. Discussing his future with Luna, who still reeks of rancid eggs after being chased by wild bird, tsk… really romantic. Why don't he give her a bouquet of dead fish to cap it off?

Harry coughed loudly, trying to break the suddenly awkward atmosphere. "So, Hermione, how was your visit to Dumbledore's office?"

"Horrible. He sang!" Hermione said, remembering her counseling with Dumbledore. That got their attention.

"Ugh", they all grimaced.

That was enough for her friends to forgive her and call it even. All of them have the terrible experience of having heard the Headmaster singing. You usually get nightmares afterwards. And they did stupefy Hermione twice this day after all.

Dispelling the thought and the events that just happened, they tuck in for second helpings, thirds in Dean's case and fourths in Ron's, because nothing could make the stomach emptier than being chased by wild birds.

After they finished eating, the group walked towards the hallway (Padma passed by them, pointedly ignoring Hermione, with Collin in tow) looking forward to a long, nice bath to scrub the stench out, burn their clothes and get some much-needed sleep. Alas, to their dismay comes the Slytherin prince and his posse (with Ginny, who is wearing a green tie, walking hand in hand with Blaise, who is- surprise, surprise!- wearing a red tie).

"I was wondering who the hell reeks like the gutters, but, turns out, I didn't really need to guess that it's you Gryffindorks.", remarked Draco Malfoy, covering his nose in mock contempt.

"Sod off, Malfoy", said an irritated Ron. It's been a long day and he just wants to rest.

"Leave him alone. It's bad enough that you are barring our way."

"Pansy, dear, that's not the way to the dungeons. We go the other way, remember?" said Daphne condescendingly. It's disconcerting for her to see Pansy tagging along with the Golden trio.

"Hmm, funny thing is, I'm taking a side trip… if you know what I mean", Pansy winked at her, smiling at the thought of helping a certain red head scrub his, um, his back. Yeah, just his back. Daphne got the idea and shook her head. Sometimes Pansy could be so aggressive. Heh, who the hell is she kidding? Pansy is always aggressive.

"Ooh… looks like someone is getting lucky tonight... Do learn from your parent's mistake, Weasley, and use birth control." Theo teased Ron who is turning pink from embarrassment, he didn't even notice the insult at the thought of Pansy scrubbing his, um, his back. Right. Now, he's trying to keep from drooling.

"Quit nosing on someone else's business, dickhead. Ginny, you coming? ", Lavender defended Ron.

"Er, not yet."

"Ugh, are you taking a side trip, too?" asked a disgusted Dean.

"Why, you jealous?" asked Blaise in return, a bit threateningly while Daphne narrows her eyes at him. Ginny rolled her eyes. Boys.

"What's it to you if I am?" bristled Dean, assuming the usual defense position. One by one the gang lined up to face the Snakes, forming the infamous Ring of Verbal Combat (so named by the students of Hogwarts who're used to the sight and yet can't get enough of) where they exchange barbs and expletives without physically injuring each other, er, at least, not too badly.

And so the hallway rang with insults traded from both sides, as per tradition. Cedric, Luna, Harry and Ginny stayed out of it, preferring to watch at the sidelines. It's like a bad sitcom on repeat but still fascinating to watch because of the colorful words they used, though they feel like washing their ears with acid afterwards.

After all the usual insults and mandatory comebacks were said, the participants of the banter were waiting for Harry The Peacemaker to intervene already because they're running out of swearwords to use. Harry waited for a few minutes more to make sure that they're squeezed out of words before he stepped up and stood in the middle.

"Okay, that's enough mockery. You are slimy gits, we're awesome twits, blah, blah, blah, now get out of our sight and go on your merry way." Harry said, feeling a headache coming on. He's already itching to get a hot shower. Literally itching.

The rest of the students subtly sighed in relief that it is over and done with for the day. They noted that they'd need more research to widen their offensive vocabulary if Harry took that long to break up the fight for them again the next time they face-off.

"Fine, fine. You losers need to get out of my space so I could breathe clean air again, anyway," said Draco, wanting to say the last words.

"At least they can scrub the reek off of them after showering. Can't say the same to a certain slimy git…", Hermione retaliated, determined to be the one to put in the last word since it indicates winning in her book.

Harry and the rest (Slytherin and Gryffindors alike) looked at each other groaning, already predicting what's coming next. Sure enough, Draco and Hermione continued the battle of wits, since their cohorts were all knackered-out, still aflame with stinging invectives. Would this day never end? Sometimes there are a lot of setbacks in having such a brainy friend. They never run out of things to say.

"Hah! That slimy git you're talking about happens to be the one you'll marry in the future, bush-head, so go suck on that!"

"Well, if not for the law, I wouldn't have to and I've just failed to 'assasinate' the Minister of Magic…"

"Hah! I knew it!" exclaimed Lavender. The Slytherins, ears perking up, began to take interest.

"Sarcasm, Lavender. And, anyway, I don't see you try anything to escape the appalling fate…"

"You tried to kill the Minister?" interrupted Draco, feeling very insulted. She seemed to take great lengths just so she could avoid getting married to him.

"Of course I didn't. I was just thinking of replacing him with someone more sympathetic to my plight… I'm not that heartless you know." Explained Hermione. Like that makes it better.

"Not that heartless, my ass. You tried to kill me third year!" accused Draco, remembering the time when Hermione socked him in the face. Nobody seemed to remember that she hexed him that same night and he ended up throwing up slugs in the infirmary… she also gave him rat ears, which refused to be restored to normal for weeks. Now the Gryffindors and Luna began paying attention, too. Cedric is just too busy looking at Luna to bother with childish fights.

"Oh, would you shut up about that already, you crybaby… That was years and years ago!"

"Crybaby?! Well, you're a prissy, barbed wires for hair, know-it-all!"

"I'm sorry, should I be offended? Keep recycling old insults that have ceased to mean anything anymore, why don't you?"

"I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you!"

"Well, you're doing such a banged up job at that. Congratulations! Pity, I don't really care."

"Really? Oh, yes, you only care about your boring books and that squashed-face, ugly cat who is the only one willing enough to sleep with you!"

The Gryffindors grew very still at that comment. This is very bad. You don't insult Crookshanks in Hermione's face. Especially if said cat is already dead.

Hermione whips her wand really fast, her eyes flashing, yelling, "Not my Crookshanks!, Not Crookshanks!". She was about to utter a spell (to Draco's horror) when fast as a snitch came the savior Harry with his robes billowing around him like a cape, snatching Hermione's wand hand. His eyes where terrible to behold and you can sense the terrible storm brewing ahead, flashes of lightning were actually sighted around him.

"Enough!", he declared in his booming voice.

Well, it has gone long enough so the kids and the busybodies scattered like the wind, fleeing for their lives lest they got caught in the fray, no one wants that, of course, he slew Voldy after all. Hermione and Harry were the only ones who remained in the hallway. Malfoy was already gone, out of her reach. Wise move.

"You can drop my hand now, Harry" Hermione said quietly, weighing his mood. She is afraid of the Chosen One sometimes, especially when he cannot tolerate her behavior anymore.

Harry sighs and says, "Well, you have done enough mischief for one day, Hermione. Plotting to overthrow the Minister, terrorizing your own friends… I mean, I don't really object you trashing Malfoy but for God's sake, do it where no one actually witnesses it! I'd hate for you to be expelled and let loose hail and brimstones all over Hogwarts. "

Hermione exhaled, relieved that Harry is still on her side. They leave the hall together arm in arm towards the Gryffindor tower laughing about the day's events, not noticing a hidden Astoria Greengrass, eyes full of wonder for the Boy-Who-Lived who just displayed such authority and oozed with manliness. She vowed that very day to stop following Draco Malfoy around and start taking the marriage law seriously.

* * *

That same night, Hermione brewed her latest scheme: upgrading extremely fetid dungbombs to their most petrifying power… Morning came and with it, a very disheveled Malfoy, who was running with all of his might as he was thoroughly hassled by Peeves, who was chasing and pelting him with some very familiar dungbombs. It took five tries until he hit the mark. Then out from the ashes rose a livid Malfoy, foul odor clinging to him like someone from the dead , who was raised… and killed a second time, then a third, for that is the only explanation one could think of about the stench profaning the air. Peeves cackled ruthlessly while everyone could not go far enough away to avoid him. He himself is horrified and dashed to the Prefect's bathroom and proceeded to wash himself thoroughly. He won't be going out for a very long time.

At the same time, at a different tower, a certain Head master choked on a poo-flavored bean and the Minister of Magic, who was having tea with him, suddenly had a very strong urge to excuse himself, went straight to the loo and emitted the same fetid stench that Malfoy is struggling with.

Somewhere in the Gryffindor tower, a very satisfied witch, empty U-No-Poo potion and Bertie Bot's every Flavored bean lying about her room, slept on peacefully.


	5. Introductions

I'm now fighting to save myself. I'm on my own.

Okay, that sounds a tad dramatic but I am running out of ideas on how to evade the stupid law. I don't care anymore about the salvation of the other students. They are already ensnared by the evil ministry. They don't even care for my heroic attempts at defying it. In fact, in light of the Parsley scandal (hurrah to Lavender who made Ron and Pansy's ship name known to the press), the Marriage Law is being accepted left and right and has gained a positive effect on the major populace. The Daily Prophet lauded the Department of Mysteries for making such "exceptional" pairings. ' _Who knew that a former Death Eater would be such a great match with one of the Golden Trio?_ '. The thing is, another "exceptional pairing" would grace the bloody front page if I don't do something about it.

But I can't plot in peace since I'm being monitored closely by my pro-marriage law friends (all except Dean and Luna, I hope). If I say or even act a wee bit differently, they are on to me faster than Neville being chased by his overly obsessed fans. Oh, yes, Neville became an overnight celebrity after accidentally revealing too much of himself. I'm still regretting not being there to see it. Rumor has it that, in an attempt to see a repeat performance, Millicent Bulstrode, head of his fanclub, and a few other hardcore fans stalked him everywhere. That's why Cho Chang have her hands full as Neville's self-appointed bodyguard. A very jealous bodyguard.

After the Bird Incident, Harry made me apologize to every single student and professor that I "damaged". I couldn't say no especially when he's got that fiery gaze directed at me, daring me to defy him. Seriously, major goosebumps. And just when I thought that I was fully "exonerated" from my "crimes" (Lavender has got to stop with the hyperboles), I was locked in an abandoned classroom for one mind-numbing hour- a punishment from my friends so that I would be forced to reflect on my behavior. They freaking took it in their hands to "straighten Hermione out", like I'm some kind of delinquent! They even made me face the wall! Like a kid on a time-out! If I don't love them, I'd have switched Houses and organize an audition for the replacement best friends spot.

When they finally found it in their vicious hearts to truly forgive me, they celebrated my freedom by arranging a nice picnic for me near the edge of the Forbidden forest. My suspension is already lifted (they added another week to my suspension after the Bird Incident, and another horrifying lecture with the Headmaster; I'm going to kill the person who invented singing!) and I'm free! Sweet freedom! We don't have classes since it is a weekend… the only total letdown to this almost perfect day. Here I am free at last and instead of hearing the heavenly lectures and starting on my revisions for all my missed classes, I while my time away eating and having a good time. I'm losing my touch. I need to study more! Blasted law making me all sidetracked. My poor grades must be suffering. I hate getting E's on my report card.

"Oh, would you please just relax? I really hope you're not thinking about studying or I'll smack your head off. I didn't arrange this lovely picnic so you could just ditch it like the effing bookworm you are," said an annoyed Ginny.

I snapped out of my thoughts.

"Are you doing Legilimiens on me? Cause if you are…"

"She doesn't need to, Hermione. You're scratching the mat with your fingers like you're dying to write stuff in it. I can literally see it smoking", said Parvati, amused. I stopped writing the arithmancy formula I was solving, smiling sheepishly.

"Oy! Weaselbee! Pass the quaffle to me, don't hog it all to yourself!" Somewhere in the quidditch pitch, I heard Blaise shouting impatiently to a sweat-drenched Ron. They are playing quidditch along with Harry, Neville, Dean, Cedric, Collin, and Pansy- who doesn't like letting Ron out of her sight.

I still can't get over the fact that our group is growing to include people we've never hung out before, even people we've despised before. In the beginning, there we're just the three of us. Harry, Ron and I. Then without even really noticing it, we've come to add more people in our group. Then, some more. These people became very dear to us, we were inseparable. But then another change is happening. Our circle of friends is getting bigger. Again. Now I can almost always see Pansy dragging Ron to any enclosed space she sees, Cedric hovering around an irritated Luna, Collin whispering naughty things to a coy Padma (only we could hear him quite clearly, making us a bit uncomfortable), Cho Chang jealously fending off Neville's stalkers, even Blaise occasionally hangs with us when he isn't out terrorizing the first years with Malfoy. What's more irritating is that, once in a while, Malfoy comes to chat (with Blaise and Pansy, mostly) but that almost always ends up in a fight since I won't have his presence tainting our group. It's like an ominous sign. It's like he's easing himself to be a part of our group inch by inch. It's like we are all surrendering to the inevitable. Just because it is the law, it doesn't mean we have to obey it, right? Or am I just deluding myself and it is all going to happen whether I like it or not?

"It's really weird seeing Blaise and Ron all chummy," I mused. "Normally, they would be on opposite sides in the Ring of Verbal Combat, tearing at each other."

"They are still on opposite sides. But outside the Ring, they are actually... becoming friends. Yeah, it's weird. I thought Ron would go ballistic when he heard about us dating, but he didn't say anything at all," said Ginny with faraway look. "I even gave him hell before when he seemed to like Pansy more and more."

"So, you're officially an item now?" asked Parvati.

"Yep!" she grinned happily. "I know it's inevitable and all but it was really romantic of him to ask me out all the same." Inevitable. I'm starting to hate that word.

"How did he ask you out? Tell!" demanded a squealing Lavender. Parvati, Cho Chang, even Luna and Padma are listening attentively making me really curious.

"He wrote me a letter telling me to go to the Astronomy Tower... at midnight."

Sighs can be heard all around, except for Parvati who is grinning really wide, revealing her golden tooth.

"So I went up… found him pacing nervously with a bunch of flowers, it was so adorable! Rose petals strewn all over the floor, real fairies (the only source of light) dancing and singing in the air, it was magical!" Ginny reminisced, eyes glazed.

"And... ?" Cho prodded.

"And, when he saw me by the door, he gave me the flowers, told me how beautiful I am even though I was feeling very much underdressed and he asked to be my boyfriend while we were dancing. So I said yes then he kissed me really lightly on my cheeks, I didn't even feel it properly so I frenched him… and, er, one thing led to another…"

"So you literally raped him in the end!" gasped Lavender, frenzied.

"Spot on, Lav. As always," I said sardonically.

"No, Lavender! There was no raping involved, however, er, passionate it was… Didn't your parents tell you that when two people, you know, mutually consented to having… "

"Lalalala… Stop, I don't wanna hear it Ginny! Its bad enough that my dad was the one who gave me The Talk…"

"Mione dear, my prissy, prissy friend, we're all grown-ups here. It's not like we're your parents…"

"Yeah, and besides, we wanna talk about it now and then," Padma said. "You know, compare notes and all…" Oho, the closer her relationship with Collin progresses, the more she reveals her fascination with the topic. Compare notes, indeed! What? Does she have a clipboard and pen ready while they're at it? I made a face. It is possible. That Creepy couple is into role-playing after all. Okay, I need to get that image out of my head!

"My, my! And here I thought you are still a virgin… Padma, you sly fox!" exclaimed Ginny. "I thought it's just me Lav, Parvati and Cho here who popped the cherry years ago…"

"Years ago? You've got to be kidding me!" I screeched, scandalized.

"Really, 'Mione?" Luna asked drily. "You popped yours a year earlier than mine," she added casually. My mouth closed shut with an audible pop, my ears turning red. Luna seemed to realize what she just said and slapped her mouth closed.

The screams of outrage and betrayal were astounding.

"When did this happen? We've been calling her a prude all this time and you're telling me…"

"Luna, baby, are you sure you did it? I mean do you even know how it's done?!"

"Hermione?! Really?! The Hermione?!"

"Luna, I think you're mistaking a kiss as the act of …"

"Why the hell didn't I know this?! This momentous day when 'Mione ceased to be the epitome of pure virtue…"

"I mean, did you even put it in, you know, er…"

"She had us all fooled! Fooled, I say!"

I've had enough.

"Yes, yes, we've all done the hanky panky, bumped nasties, reached cloud nine… get over it!" I rolled my eyes. I don't really see how it's anyone's business.

Ginny is looking really hurt, eyes already misting. "I tell you everything, Mione. I thought we were best friends…"

"Ginny…"

"Our baby, our poor baby… all grown up. An innocent no more." Lav and Parvati choked. Ah, the dramatic ones. There's always one in a group. Cho and Padma are still looking at me and Luna like they're seeing us for the first time.

"You guys…" said Luna looking uncomfortable. I bet she's regretting her words. She should be.

"Luna, why did you have to tell them that?" I asked exasperated. And here I thought I was really proud of myself from keeping it a secret for so long! Here at Hogwarts I have a reputation to maintain. Of course when I am in the muggle world, all of those things are thrown out the window, but still…

"I thought they knew," she blushed. Aww, I can't stay mad at her. She's got this adorable guilty face. It's one of the reasons why I told her about it. If it was Parvati who blabbed, I wouldn't hesitate jinxing her.

"Well, it's out in the open. It happened 5th year. Happy?" I said to placate Ginny. I'm afraid she'll start bawling her eyes out.

"Earlier than me! Oh the scandal!" exclaimed Lavender. She suddenly whipped out a parchment that she's always keeping close in case of plot bunnies and she was scribbling at it furiously. "Are you happy now, Mione? You just ruined my fanfiction!" she said angrily.

"Isn't writing whatever you want the point of fanfiction?" asked Padma.

"Yeah, but my fanfictions are exaggerations of real life stories based on you guys!" she said while writing in record speed. Yup, she is the source of all the rumors in Hogwarts. I'm dead.

"And you, Luna, did it 6th year?" asked Cho, not letting Luna avoid the topic.

"6th year," she confirmed in a resigned voice.

"With who?" probed Parvati.

"It doesn't matter who did it with whom, the point is we're not virgins anymore, alright?" I said, hoping to close the matter.

"Why didn't you tell us?" asked Ginny.

"Because, we don't feel like talking about it and, besides, all of you are the worst gossip in school!" Lavender may be the rumor-maker and the gossip-inflator but Ginny and Parvati (I'm suspicious of Padma, too) are like the mouthpiece. Very loud mouthpieces, might I add.

"…and I don't like discussing my private life. It's uncomfortable and very embarrassing," added Luna.

"Says the girl who just talked about our private lives." I said wryly.

"This is not over yets, 'Mione," Ginny threatened me. Ookay, so she's really worked up over this. I'd have to avoid being alone with her for the next five years, maybe longer.

"So, I heard Cho and Neville are getting along well…" I started, trying to divert the attention from us. It worked.

Cho blushed crimson. "Well, we're going on a date tomorrow at Hogsmeade."

"Oooh…"

I lost my interest in the conversation. Law or not, Cho and Neville will become a couple. Based on Cho's possessiveness, it is already a certainty. Lucky Neville. Poor Neville.

As my friends talked, I kept thinking about my dilemma. I'm aware that our growing number is due to the fact that they're slowly pairing up, which is exactly what the ministry wants. If this madness continues, we'd all be sitting with Malfoy in the Slytherin dungeons, all chummy-like, playing pin the tail on the ferret. I shuddered. I've got to find a way out of this law. Anything short of murdering him and killing myself. Wait, is there a law banning me from killing him? Oh, yeah, there is. Bummer. Unless… is there a law banning me from killing a ferret? Is there? Hmm, I can't help but be intrigued by the idea. But that would be my back-up plan. As for a solution I'd actually do, (because despite my crazy ideas I am NOT a murderer) I'm still grasping at straws.

* * *

I was fast walking through the hallway with Harry and Ron, determined not to be late on my first Transfiguration class in weeks. Today is going to be epic! Weekdays are my favorite days: great classes by day and awesome books in the library by night; a little goofing off with friends and my day is complete!

"You seem to be in a good mood, Mione" remarked Harry, smiling at me.

"Of course she is, mate. She's dying to go all-out nerdy again." Ron said, rolling his eyes, but happy to see me happy, nonetheless.

I just stuck my tongue out at him but I couldn't disguise my impatience to learn how to transfigure a worm into a tent, which I read all about in the Wizard Survival 101, edition IV. I heard that Professor McGonagall is including it in today's curriculum. Of course I already tried it successfully. I just want to compare it with her technique.

We turned around the corner and noticed students milling around the Great Hall, looking at a parchment taped on the notice board. I'm wondering why the Professors are just letting them loiter like that when Ginny came running towards us.

"Classes are canceled!" she crowed, high-fiving Harry and Ron. I frowned. It can't be. There better be some valid explanation to this shameful disregard to education on a Monday!

I marched toward the notice board to investigate. Pinned to it in an expensive looking parchment were the words:

 _Classes are suspended today for 6_ _th_ _year students and above in compliance to Ministry-mandated seminar regarding the Marriage Law. Please proceed to the Glass Hall in the West Wing of the castle with your appointed partners for further instructions._

My euphoria earlier this morning vanished. I'm staring stupidly at the most offensive paper I've ever read, which is saying something since I've read almost every offensive book in existence to arm myself during our verbal spats with the enemy.

So this is it. The ministry is already on the move! So the question is: fight or flight? Oh, I have got to think fast because I refuse to be subjected to this atrocity!

In my periphery, I saw the crowd of students edging away from me, fingering their wands in case they needed to subdue me. I felt Harry and Ron on my sides touching my shoulders with a calming yet firm grip. I blinked. They must be so scared of my ill temper, I thought wryly. They know all too well my aversion to the law.

I took a calming breath. "I'm okay, you guys. No need to prepare for battle," I said in my best nonchalant voice. They are so overreacting. I'm not that irrational, duh. I just feel like tearing the paper to pieces… and maybe setting it on fire… along with the notice board… and, maybe, the official who wrote this piece of crap.

Harry and Ron, released me looking sheepish but still wary.

"No don't let go of her, are you crazy? She might torch the hall!" squealed Lavender. Now I'm wondering if I could pull that off, too.

"Relax, Lav", Ginny said, "We got it under control."

I can see what she means. Blending in the crowd are our friends in a loose formation around me with wands at the ready. Paranoid much? I can't help myself. I laughed.

"Seriously? Guys, come on! You're having way too much fun with this." Still, I'm impressed. They are so prepared. Dang it!

"I told you, it IS too much", mumbled Neville to Dean somewhere on my back, lowering his wand.

Thankfully, Professor McGonagall chose to appear at that moment to shoo us out of the Great Hall towards the second biggest hall in the castle.

"Time is ticking, people. To the Glass Hall! Get a move on now." she said over the loud sighs of relief. The students who were old enough to be included in the Marriage Law followed her, with me trailing slowly behind them. My friends, thinking that I am calm for the moment, went ahead, discussing with themselves.

I think I got a little bit crazy with all the mess I made these past few weeks that my classmates grew wary of me. I totally need a new strategy with my vendetta against the Marriage Law. I tried speaking up and facing it like a raging bull but it failed. Maybe it's time to get sneaky.

When we were nearly at the Glass Hall, I paused midstride, suddenly feeling reluctant. The other students passed by me, giggling and shoving each other inside the room but I was frozen by the feeling of finality that is starting to creep up on me. I mean, this might change things! This is huge! The ministry is already trying to formalize the Law through this seminar and I might find no way out! It was hard enough being lifted from suspension on a weekend without any hope of a lecture, now I have to grit my teeth and get a hold of my rising temper as classes are canceled for this nightmare. My brain is currently going haywire as I search my options for bailing out of this seminar. I was halfway through weighing the pros and cons about faking some sort of life-threatening disease when McGonagall told me quite sternly that this seminar is being graded. That is hardly fair, she knows me too much! I never remembered being so torn between my rebelling self and the studious perfectionist in me. I guess the latter won the argument (and a great deal of glaring on Professor McGonagall's part) as I stepped towards my doom.

I entered the double doors with great apprehension. I didn't know what I was expecting but I definitely never expected the hall to look like a wedding reception. There were round tables with four nameplates per table. Of course, my name is next to Draco sodding Malfoy.

' _Think of something happy and nice, Mione! Like, a unicorn. Yes, a unicorn!_ ' I braced myself and strode towards my chair. ' _Don't look to your right'_ , I muttered to myself. ' _Unicorns are happy creatures, granting wishes to whoever caught them then released them. Oh, what I would do to get a wish…'_ I heard the chair to my right scrape the floor and knew he is there. _'Unicorns are like shiny, silvery horses with horns'_ but I suddenly remembered who has shiny, silvery hair. Ugh. _'Unicorns mate for life but then they have the freedom to choose whichever unicorn suits their taste cause I don't see them in a riot, charging the enemy with a very handy horn, stabbing the…'_

I heard something faintly resembling a whimper. Directly across from me sat Neville, looking at me nervously.

"Hermione, stop muttering like that! You're scaring my Nevy!" said Cho Chang on my left. Oh, great. I'm in a table with the happy couple.

"I'm not muttering, Cho."

"Yes, you are", said a voice in my right and I resisted the urge to even look at him. I can feel him smirking, making my skin crawl.

"So, what up with the 'horns' and 'stabbing'? I think you also mentioned 'shiny'," said Cho. Neville is still looking at me and he's getting on my nerves.

"Nothing." I said, "and, Nevy," I quoted Cho's nickname for him, "stop staring at me. I'm not gonna eat you. But I am going to jinx you cross-eyed if you don't stop."

Needless to say, he looked the other way. I paid closer attention to my surroundings, contemplating exit points. The other students are still looking for their seats and I saw some other people who don't attend at our school and some alumni like McLaggen and Jordan. Must be those who are paired to students currently attending here. I feel sorry for the girl who has to marry the balding man with the hairy mole.

"Settle down, students," said Professor McGonagall. She waited till they all found their seats and continued.

"As you well know we are here for an introductory seminar regarding the Marriage Law. You might think you know all there is to it but we want to lay it all out to you so you could better understand the how's and why's of the law. Mr. Pockard, if you please?"

Turns out, Mr. Pockard is the balding man with the hairy mole. Would it kill him to pluck those tiny hairs?

"Hello, students! My name is Larry Pockard, counselor and an officer at the Minstry's statistics branch. I am here to provide the more exhaustive version of the Marriage Law. I am also going to be setting up an office here at Hogwarts as long as I am needed to provide counseling for couples."

Whoa. Now, they're invading the school, too? They are planting a spy! Counseling? What total hogwash.

"Its just been a month since the marriage law was passed and I hope all of you have already come to terms with it. We wouldn't have conducted the seminar this early … actually, the seminar and the counseling was planned to be held after the winter hols to give you more time to think and accept the Marriage Law since I know this will affect your futures in a huge way, but your Headmaster pushed for its early implementation. He was rather insistent with it." I swear his eyes zeroed in on me at that last part, a beat longer than necessary. I rolled my eyes.

So the crazy, old bat is in cahoots with the ministry. Oh, I am severely regretting naming our renegade band the Dumbledore's army back then. I wonder if naming it Granger's army makes me entitled to mobilize it in times like this.

"Okay, so, let's start by introducing yourselves to your classmates… as a couple. That way, people would recognize who's partnered with whom. Let's start with you Mr. Boot and your lovely partner."

It was fun seeing Terry Boot and Lavender awkwardly stand up together in front of everyone and introduce themselves despite my ire.

"I'm Terry Boot…"

"…and I am Lavender Brown"

Turning towards Lavender he said, "I believe this is our first meeting, nice to finally meet you, er, officially."

"Nice to see you don't have webbed feet," was her reply and she is looking desperately at Parvati, no doubt asking her silently to shoot her in the mouth cause that's what she just did. Not to mention that Boot is wearing closed shoes.

Terry doesn't know how to reply to that so he shook her hand instead and they awkwardly sat back down. They are in classes together but it's the first time they actually talked to each other. I smirked. Seems like the ministry has a lot of work to do. I start to feel a little bit positive.

"Alright… next couple, introduce yourselves please!"

"I'm Dean Thomas." Silence.

"I am Daphne Greengrass."

They sat back down without further words.

Oh, I am loving this! Take that Pockard!

Couples after couples introduced themselves but I only paid attention to my friends.

"I'm Harry Potter and this is Astoria Greengrass…"

"Wedding of the century in the bag, my friends! You are all invited!" interrupted Astoria, way too excited. She took Harry's hand in hers and pranced back to their seats where she didn't waste time squeezing herself to Harry's side. Harry is trying to be a gentleman about it but there's only so much he could do when she is so clingy. This past week was weird for him because he gets love notes daily from Astoria. We didn't know why there was this sudden change in her and this is the first time we saw her get physical with him (it was the first time they are within a foot of each other,too) and apparently, she's going straight for the kill.

"Hi. I am Ron Weasely…" I snapped my thoughts back on track. But Ron didn't get to finish his line.

"We are the Parsley team and we are in love. I don't think we'd ever need counseling." Oh, great. Now Pansy is referring to them as one. As a team. As Parsley. Lavender has to pay for inventing that mashed-name thing. I completely forgot what I was supposed to get Lavender for because Pansy suddenly grabbed Ron and demonstrated said love with so much passion in front of everybody that the speaker have to separate them forcefully. Professor McGonagall is frowning in the background, shocked at the lack of decency. I could see the Daily Prophet's latest scoop on my mind. ' _Parsley re-enacted scandal amid Marriage Law seminar. Witnesses swear to have retched convulsively.'_

"Hello, everyone! I'm Cedric Diggory and this is my lovely goddess, my beloved, my dear doe-eyed… "

"… I'm Luna Lovegood and someone better get his hands off my waist…"

" I promise to love you and cherish you in sickness and in health, till…"

"Cedric!"

"Till death do us part." He finished, all the while looking at her intensely while Luna covers her red face with her hands.

"You can go back to your seats now", said Mr. Pockard, sparing Luna from more embarrassment because Cedric was about to talk again. Cedric abruptly shut his mouth and followed Luna off the podium.

"Yo! I am Cormac McLaggen, quidditch Keeper for the Wimbourne Wasps. Yeah, its me, baby! If you want autographs…"

"Ehem."

"Oh, and by the way, the lucky winner who'll get to enjoy my charms is none other than Perry.."

"Parvati!"

"Uh, Parvati Perry"

"Parvati Patil!" she all but screamed. Poor girl.

"Uh, so, yeah! Sorry girls, but I'm taken! But don't be too disappointed! I'm sure your partners are nice enough… though they can't compare to me!" What a narcissistic ass.

"Ookay that's enough!" cried Parvati. " Let's sit, you arrogant son of a… " Of what exactly, I didn't get to hear since Mr. Pockard suddenly had the urge to bang the table real loud. I'm guessing that he is regretting his brilliant plan of introductions because it is taking up most of the hour.

Yet, the introductions continued, to my utmost pleasure. Maybe it'd take all day.

"I am Blaise Zabini, the luckiest guy on the planet and this is Ginevra, I mean, Ginny Weasley." Boy is he nervous!

He turned to her and continued, "Ginny, I know that we are a couple and we are already predetermined to be married but I want to do this right and…" Oh, Merlin! He kneels on the floor! Gasps are heard all around. He took out a small velvet box…

Ginny was pleasantly surprised, tears brimming in her lids. "Oh, Blaise!" More than half of the girls in the room are eyeing the ring, that giant diamond ring, with envy.

"I know that you might feel that we only got together because of the law but I confess to looking at you from a distance since fourth year, seeing a beautiful girl who gracefully blossomed into a woman. And though I was coward enough to wait till an opportunity…." Blah, blah, blah… This is making me sick! I could feel my face curdling. A proposal? At a seminar, really? I saw Mr. Pockard nod in approval at how the day is progressing. The buffoon!

Ginny says yes and hugs him. Applause all around. I rolled my eyes. I am happy for Ginny, seriously. But their actions are helping the ministry! Now I could see females looking at their partners wistfully. With the exception of one or two others who are glaring at their man for not thinking about it first.

"Well, we can't top that! Hardly fair for those of us left to introduce ourselves!" yelled someone.

"Next!" called Mr. Pockard, smiling. Oh, isn't he a smug one?

Padma and Collin didn't want to lose to the proposal intro so they introduced themselves wearing slinky Batman and Catgirl costumes. How they changed their school uniforms to those tight leather, I wouldn't know. I also didn't know that Batman can be cosplayed with so much missing parts resulting in one of the most revolting costumes ever. It's more like a black bathing suit with a cape worn by a boy with skin problems. Good thing Professor McGonagall is not here or she'll pass out. Oh wait. I think that's her on the floor.

After a proper scolding from the speaker, the creepy couple went back to their seats unperturbed. In fact, they are quite proud of themselves. I don't have the time to dwell on that since our tablemates Neville and Cho are going to the podium for their turn. Oh, no. Time is running out for me!

"Hi. Erm, uh, I am Neville Longbottom?" he fiddled nervously.

Thankfully, Cho is there for the save. "Oh, baby, here, let me do it." They stood side by side, Cho locking her fingers with his and in a confident tone announced: "I am Cho Chang and this is my soon-to-be husband Neville Longbottom, so back off bitches, he's mine!" Looking meaningfully at the non-paired girls peeping at the door with _'Neville is a rockstar'_ shirts on. Mr. Pockard sent them away back to their classes.

And then it is our turn. Time's up. The room went dead quiet, anticipating who knows what. It was unnerving to go in front and see their faces on the way and its like they are waiting for something to explode. I followed Malfoy toward the front, steeling my resolve and telling myself that this is what I must do for the love of perfect grades. It doesn't mean that we're declaring ourselves. It doesn't mean anything. I could still get out of it and still snag a perfect grade.

"I am Hermione Granger."

"I am Draco Malfoy."

Oh, I couldn't help myself so I started to say, "I declare war on this stupid…" but he cut me off rather rudely.

"and we're done. Come on, Mrs. Malfoy." He dragged me back to our seat. I was too stunned to retaliate. Mrs… I stopped myself. I don't wanna think about it. I must be hallucinating but I swear he is chuckling.

"Ooh, the possibilities!" cried Hannah Abbot, looking at us in a weird way.

The others were slack-jawed. They didn't anticipate him calling me a Mrs. You-know-what within hearing range of the fifty nine couples crowding this room and I sure as hell didn't see it coming. I won't let him get to me next time.

"Mrs. Malfoy?" Cho asked the git.

"Well, I have to do something so she won't do something stupid," replied Malfoy, basking on his brilliant plan on shutting me up.

"Well played, ferret. Well played." Dean commented from the side.

"Must've felt nice saying it, eh, Draco?" Blasie teased him. Malfoy and I glared daggers at him.

Ten more couple introductions and we're done. I hope this is the end of the seminar for today. It took two long hours because of Blaise's stupid proposal and the other couples' introductions that got more and more creative thereafter, not wanting to lose.

"Okay, I guess that's everyone." Mr. Pockard said mopping his forehead. "Next time we will be doing couple sessions with ten couples instead of everyone. Anyway, I didn't do much yet but I am completely exhausted."

Maybe he'd call it a day and send us back to our classes. Hope surged through me like helium to a balloon.

"We'll take a short break and meet back here at exactly fifteen minutes."

And that balloon popped with a loud bang. Kill me now.


	6. Details

After fifteen minutes of eating pastries and drinking tea, the seminar on the most absurd law ever created restarted. He glossed over the things that we already know, like, we have to get married within a year after graduation, have three kids and, basically, live together till we both shall die.

It has been an hour now of embarrassing lecture about the Marriage Law and it gets more absurd as time passes by.

"Contraceptives are discouraged. We are trying to repopulate here people!" Mr. Pockard said. We stared at him, incredulous. This must be the first time an adult told us not to follow protocol about safe sex.

"But you have to get married first before you try anything", he said with a stern expression. We exhaled. The ministry isn't totally nuts yet. Yet.

"We have to stick to our moral code," he preached. But in an aside he said, "…though, no one can blame students at their hormonal age. I mean, it can't be helped if you conceived little whelps early. In fact, we'll be lenient and understanding. We'll just have to move your wedding dates up to ensure bride's shapely form at her big day without sporting an obvious baby bump… remember three's the number but the more the better!"

And there goes my last ounce of respect for this man.

I should have known better than to think that the ministry is still sane. This is an outrageously abnormal counseling. Weirdest seminar ever. I should have replaced Scrimgeour, the Minister of Magic, sooner!

I looked around and saw Blaise glancing at Ginny nervously. He had a good reason to because Ginny looked really eager to start making babies, a glaring contrast to Lavender who is sitting next to her with a horrified expression. That must be what I look like right now. I saw Professor McGonagall trying to compose her expression but she just comes off as constipated.

"What if a couple suffers from infertility?" Luna asked Mr. Pockard.

She is a genius! I must look for a book on how to brew a potion that could make me temporarily sterile. Maybe that would work to my advantage! Er, not that I'd thought about doing it with…ew! Gross, gross, gross!

"Fertile or not, I'd still love you, Luna" Cedric's voice rang loud and clear. He really looks like Edward Cullen from the movie Twilight, although he doesn't sparkle, thank God for that or Parvati would have to be restrained permanently. Anyway, the intense way he declares his love for Luna isn't like the movies at all. Without the background music, the right angle and the special effects, it looks pretty much lame. Real life sucks.

"Oh, I'm not talking about me," she replied, smiling innocently at him. Cedric blanched.

"We don't have that kind of problem in our family, I assure you," he said while looking at her warily. I'd be very put off with Luna if she poisons him or something. Not Cedric, please. His progeny needs to live on and on forever. Okay, I have a bit of crush on him but I won't ruin it for Luna. I don't really get why she's not yet head over heels for him. I mean, he makes me wanna puke sometimes but his looks are enough for me to overlook it. Pity I'm not paired with him. Pity he hates me.

"We have the best remedies for such cases but the Department of Mysteries had already addressed that possibility. We are meticulous in our work so we considered every angle. We also determined that every single one of you is definitely fertile. I guarantee that our system is impeccable and without fault so if anyone tries to escape the law by making themselves barren on purpose will be punished accordingly," he said with authority, looking at me dead-on. I stared right back like I wasn't contemplating to do exactly that. Malfoy snorted at me.

"Well, dammit!" Lavender yelled. " I don't want kids!". Terry looked disappointed. Lavender must've noticed because she added, "Though, I'd totally marry you, hotshot!" Then she slapped her forehead, mortified at her words.

I laughed. She really needs to stop talking.

"I bet we could make much more than three babies…" Malfoy teased me, eyebrows wiggling, purposely trying to get a rise out of me. I shuddered at the picture of three ferrets with Malfoy-heads and Hermione-hair running around London, wrecking everything within sight. Oh the nightmare!

"Don't piss me off today. I'm running out of places to hide bodies," I retorted. Now it's his turn to shudder. Nice to know that my research on offensive language is working. Ha!

"Oh, c'mon, 'Mione," Cho said dreamily. "… you'd have absolutely beautiful babies!"

I stared at her like she's crazy, which, she absolutely is.

"Do you see how big-headed he is?" I screeched. "Can you imagine big-headed babies coming out of this body?"

"I don't have a big head!" Malfoy protested. "You should be worried about your babies trying not to rip you apart with their frizzy, sharp, pointy hair!"

"Enough!" shouted Mr. Pockard. "I have a strong feeling that both of you are gonna be difficult but I really hope you'd settle your differences before you get married."

"Good luck with that," chortled Ron. He was laughing with Harry. In fact, everyone's laughing with them.

"Oh, laugh away. You see, we did our jobs thoroughly that we are certain that even if you hate your assigned partners right now, you'd eventually succumb to the undeniable attraction you feel for each other."

"Oh, please…" I heard Dean mutter.

" You'd start to think that, maybe, just maybe, there is something there because you would certainly not be paired up if there was no chance at all that you'd be perfect for each other." Mr. Pockard continued like he didn't hear anything. Really, me and Malfoy, perfect for each other? I snorted.

"Riiiight…" said some random Hufflepuff sarcastically.

"One of the methods we used to ascertain the pairings was the Soul-Matching Method, developed by Saul Hawking in the 1500's. It is one of the major reasons why the Marriage Law was so successful the first time it was implemented. I am certain that ALL of you are going to live a passionate love life even if you can't picture it yet. I see that some of you are already there," he said while winking at Blaise and Ginny.

Ron and Pansy nodded in agreement, clasping hands.

"What if we are still in love with other people? " asked Millicent Bulstrode, eyeing Neville. She is the president of his fan club.

"Millicent, you are in love with Neville's body, not Neville himself, though, we ran a test about that, too. We estimated that there are five people here who haven't broken up with their non-appointed partner yet. But we aren't really worried about that because what they have isn't really love. One of them," he said while looking at someone in the back, "is really just for the sake of having a girlfriend. Three of them are really just about lust" he said looking at Daphne and two other guys, "… and the last one," he said while looking at me, I flinched, "just forgot to break-up with him."

I felt every stare in the room directed at me. Oh no, I have forgotten about Jake. After all the happiness I felt at being back here at Hogwarts and the plotting I did against the law, I have forgotten to send him a break-up letter. I was going to tell him face to face but Mr. Weasley suddenly decided to invite me to the Burrow for the remainder of my summer break. Oops. I totally forgot about telling him about that, too. See, Jake is a muggle. He doesn't know about the wizarding world. He was just a fling for the summer. Anyway, he isn't that into me that much either. I just wanted him because his name is Bella's nickname for Jacob Black. He is also have this sexy dark skin and yummy six-packed abs…

Now, Ginny is stung by what she perceived as another betrayal. She looked at me with anger in her eyes and screeched, "Do I really have to know all about this stuff from other people?"

"Ginny. I didn't think it was important." I said, defending myself. This is embarrassing. Why do we have to have this conversation in front of everybody? Why? I felt my ears growing hot. I need to direct the flow of conversation away from me before my reputation take any more hits. "Were you spying on us, Mr. Pockard?! Were you stalking us?!"

"Not important? NOT IMPORTANT?" she yelled. _Let it go, Ginny_. I pleaded her with my eyes…

"We actually OBSERVED, not stalked, you people for only three days, which is enough for us to get the details of your mundane life. Well, a few aren't as mundane as the rest… If we had told you that we'd OBSERVE you, you would have been prepared and our data wouldn't be as accurate now, would it?"

"You perverts! I'm going to get a lawyer! What did you see you sick turd?!" Lavender shouted hysterically. Hmm. I wonder if she's one of those few who aren't mundane.

"Hermione is NOT a virgin anymore!" shouted Ginny, still enraged.

The world stopped rotating for ten long seconds. Then the pandemonium kicked in.

Oh, will the torture never end? I wonder why am I still calm amid this situation when half the class are shouting at Mr. Pockard to explain himself and the other half gossiping about the _'latest news about the Golden Girl'_ (cause, yeah, I'm quite the troublemaker). I wonder if it's because of the chaos that I inadvertently created in this seminar, making it more difficult for that officer (who by the way, explained that they went about the OBSERVATION in a very dignified and professional manner and that, by no means did they violate any rules of decency or disrespected our privacy) to finish his Marriage Law gabfest.

When Blaise got Ginny to calm down and when the students, with Professor McGonagall (who was called to witness for Mr. Pockard's behalf), were all satisfied with his explanation, he continued to drone on like it's a perfectly normal thing to do. Unbelievable!

"Hold up, Mr. Pockard, we'd like to know that the ministry would never interfere with our private lives anymore. " Harry interrupted him. People can't possibly place him in higher regard than that moment. I almost fell for him… almost.

"Hurrah for Potter!" cried Jordan.

"Hurrah!"

"Kazzah!"

"So, Mr. Pockard? Do we have your word?" he asked again. I wanna kiss him!

"Actually…" Mr. Pockard started to say.

Oh, no,no,no,no… I have a bad feeling about this.

"… the ministry would monitor your progress closely," he said nervously, " …though, you have our word not to be invasive about it," he added hastily after glancing at Harry.

" Unless… ", he paused as if thinking how to go about phrasing his words without being mobbed. I am already sharpening my imaginary pitchfork. I look really impressive and totally intimidating while doing it, too.

"Unless what, Pockard?! Unless what?! The suspense is killing me!" roared Lavender, unable to not be dramatic about it, Terry or no.

"Unless you are uncooperative and, uh, troublesome."

"So you'd force us to cooperate with you?! Dude, you're not the ones being shipped off to Monogamy Land!" protested McLaggen, not noticing Parvati glaring at him. Poor girl.

"I thought you were confident that it would all go well! What are you so afraid of?" asked Astoria, tightening her grip on Harry like he'd bolt out of the room the moment she lets go.

"Loosen up, woman! My arm's dying!" Harry complained. Well, there is no reasoning with her without a reply from Mr. Pockard so Harry's arm is likely to fall off.

"Yeah! Why the law enforcers?" asked Cho Chang.

"Chaperones, not law enforcers. They are to ensure peace and stability because we have heard of disturbing news of mutiny here at Hogwarts. We are given the assumption, nay, the confirmation that a certain rebel is planning to eradicate the ministry's…"

"LIES! LAVENDER FED YOU LIES, IDIOTS! I AM NOT GUILTY OF ANYTHING!" I shouted. Oops. Did I just panic and say something stupid?

"Hey! I didn't say anything!" Lavender swore loudly. All eyes were on me again. Now I'm imagining the pitchfork poised to impale me instead.

"I mean, you know, hehe, I swear I don't plan on killing anybody, least of all, the Minister, uh…"

Surprisingly, Malfoy was the one who made me stop from babbling like an idiot, although, I wish he didn't cover my mouth with his sweaty palm and dumped me on my seat rather forcefully. Because he missed the chair and my butt made contact with the hard floor. I scowled at him but he was smirking again. It wouldn't take a genius to guess that he purposefully dumped me on the floor.

"We know, Ms. Granger, calm down. I'm sorry… poor choice of words. Didn't know it would set you off, though. Anyway, we were notified by the Headmaster that we would encounter people who are so against the Marriage Law that they'd do anything to get out of it. Hence, the law enforcers… er, I mean, the chaperones."

"Oh, great. Thanks 'Mione", said Ginny. Okay, so maybe I inspired the need for cautionary personnel. She doesn't need to be so pissed about it.

"Bloody hell, Mione! You brought the feds down on us!" said Ron. Well, now I feel the repercussions of a reckless act. I really need to be sneaky this time around.

"Okay, so if we refuse to cooperate? What then? Are you gonna lock us up in Azkaban?" asked Malfoy. Nice question. I really wanna know if it is worth being punished for. Not that I'd applaud the git. So he asked a good question, big deal.

"Nothing like that, of course. " said Mr. Pockard. "Though they would get really invasive. If you aren't compliant, like, when we give you some free time to date and get to know each other during sessions and Couple's day, they wouldn't hesitate to do everything in their power to make your relationship work."

"There is a Couple's Day?" asked Cho dreamily. I echoed the question in outrage.

"Is that on a weekday? Cause that would be totally awesome", said Dean, happy to get any excuse to avoid classes.

"Wait, what do you mean 'do everything in their power to make your relationship work?'" asked Padma.

"Yeah, if there is no punishment, how would you make someone like, I don't know, like *cough* Hermione *cough*, date Malfoy?" said Daphne.

"Hey, I don't wanna date her either!" protested Malfoy. I sniffed. Good to know.

"Yeah, yeah, you don't want to" replied Theo condescendingly.

"Well, the Aurors that will be dispatched next week are the special kind of wizards. They are annoyingly persistent, the kind you'd normally see on a stake-out. It is within their power to set up romantic ambush dates in any time of the day…or night and you cannot go back to what you were doing if you didn't finish it. And I warn you: It's going to be really embarrassing", answered Mr. Pockard.

Ambush dates? Who planned these things? I wanna clobber him/her to death!

"That's nuts", Astoria commented. "But I can see it working. Not on Hermione, though."

"If that didn't work, they will start using spells that would compel you to 'accidentally' bump on your partner thereby giving you quality time to spend with each other however short it would be. But remember, the more they use it, the more you will be compelled to spend more and more time finding each other, seemingly unconscious in your part", he continued.

"That will be most irritating, what if you want to eat then suddenly you find yourself going the opposite direction from the dining table?" asked someone.

"Why, you'd starve but you get to feast your eyes on your partners instead", he responded, unconcerned.

"You devils!" I exclaimed. What if I feast on your mole instead, you pockmarked Pockard?! Ookay~, what the hell? Did I just think of that? Hmm, it does look like an uneven, round chocolate… with hair. Yuck.

"And if the spells won't work, they would improvise. I can guarantee that they'll be very crafty in your 'punishment' but it will be for your own good." Mr. Pockard droned on.

"And if all their meddling won't work and they are getting closer to the marriage deadline?" asked Pansy, looking at me sideways.

"Oh, they'd be given clearance to use love potions, which will be in effect for 12 hours. But it isn't some potion that will make you all go mushy and suddenly lovey-dovey. No, you will be forced to come to terms with your own emotions. You will understand why your partner is good for you, notice some deeply buried attraction you have for them, you will also be thinking about him, not all lusty-like, but with a rational mind, without your prejudice clouding your judgement. Your partner is all you'd ever think about in those hours and if you are within a foot of each other when the potion is administered, you will see your partner's soul laid bare to you. I heard it was quite the eye-opener."

"And if that didn't work?" I asked defiantly.

"Well, the couple will get married anyway because it is the law and there is no getting out of it, no exceptions. But we will be posting Aurors around the couple to prevent runaway bride/groom situations."

He said this words all the while looking at me, like these words are only for me. Not that he's the only one. I could feel every single stare in the room in my direction. I was too distracted by a new plan forming in my mind to notice them much but I do wish they'd stare at somebody else. I'm not the only one who is against this crap, I'm sure. He might not see it but he just gave me my most brilliant plan yet. Something about love potions and some other things. Oh, he shouldn't really give me so much ideas but I thank him nonetheless. I grinned.

"Every Monday from here on out will be a Couple's Day and you will be given tasks that will strengthen your bond as a couple. You will meet me in my office one by one or with your partner ,depending on the task, at the end of the day to discuss the progress in your relationships. Remember, we are trying our best to ease you all for this big transition in your life and make you comfortable in this seemingly extreme solution to our declining population. We are doing what we can to help you build a strong foundation in your relationship so that you could lead a happy life even in an arranged marriage. Some of you might not like how the ministry is interfering with your personal lives but we must do some drastic measures to ensure the survival of magic. Magic, as you well know is interconnected to all living things and if we fail, the world fails. You might think that our dilemma is petty, but you can never be more wrong. It might be our biggest hurdle yet" he finished in a serious tone.

The room is in silent contemplation. We are becoming more aware of the problem at hand and it seems that everyone is re-evaluating the gravity of our situation. Worse, they're making it damn hard for me to subvert this stupid law. Not only are our relationships being graded, they made it look like some life and death sort of thing. Well, maybe it is but I'm not yielding that easily. I looked at Malfoy, praying that he isn't fooled into thinking that we have no other option, but I was disappointed. He looks like he is seriously rethinking things and no, we don't want that so I did what I could think of in that short time. I kicked his shins hard. He howled really loud and the brooding atmosphere in the room was broken to my satisfaction.


	7. The Dumbest Genius

Ladies and gentlemen, I just bottled mayhem.

It took me three days to concoct this love potion. The effects would last for only ten hours, I'm sad to say, but since I had to do a lot of shortcuts to save time, it is the best I could do. It might be the last time I could pull off such major school-wide bedlam before the "chaperones" arrive so I have to enjoy as much as I can. I cackled. Today, they will taste my version of match-making very differently.

I know my plan is a bit petty, it wouldn't even destroy the stupid law. It's just I couldn't be anything else right now but be rebellious. I wanna rebel at the ministry for making the greatest decision of my life for me, at Mr. Pockard because he is representing the ministry with too much fervor; I wanna protest for the days we will spend in the company of Aurors ("chaperones"), at my professors for allowing this to happen; and get payback at them all for spurning my efforts at protesting the outrageous law. Especially, revenge at Ginny for not keeping her stupid mouth shut. My reputation is ruined. Now, innuendos are hounding me everywhere.

The door suddenly cracked open.

"Oh, it's you, 'Mione. I thought someone crazy is in here with all the cackles I heard." Luna was at the door, halfway opened, with her hand at the door knob. "What are you doing? Did the Cracked Plumpies get you? They make people's head go silly, you know."

Oh, shoot! Someone discovered my private lair! Yes, I have a private lair- like all superheroes do. Bat cave's got nothing on mine. I designed it personally, I'm quite proud of it. Oh, wait. What did she ask me again?

"Where is this place? It's like a Troll lives in this, this severely mismatched room! *Gasp* Is that a love potion?"

Double oops! Wait, did she just bash my lair?!

"Er, this is some abandoned hidden room or something, hehe…" Stupid girl doesn't know the value of design! A checked yellow and pink linoleum in a red, blue and green wall is the best color combination of all! Did I mismatch this exquisite grey leather sofa with the red wooden office table? Obviously, the answer is a big fat NO. Merlin, is she blind?!

"Hermione, what are you doing? That's obviously a love potion. Are you gonna do something terrible again?" she asked again, suspicious now.

"I was just doing this potion for extra credit, you know, to , er… to assess the effect of a, um, a phenomenon triggered by some chemical imbalance, imbued to a beverage that when, uh, imbibed by the unsuspecting masses, would produce quite the satisfying spectacle. "

"So, you're going to spike the pumpkin juice with love potion and make everyone drink it, thereby causing a massive commotion." Luna deduced, quiet sure of herself. Ravenclaws, ugh! Why do they have to be so smart? I have to research more complicated scientific-sounding words if I have to deceive Ravenclaws again.

"I haven't really thought about what to spike it with yet but, hey, let's go with pumpkin juice!" I said, slightly guilty at being so easily caught.

"Great, let's go to the kitchens. Dobby will help us," she said like she's talking about the weather. For a thousandth time, I wonder what's going on inside her head.

"What? So, you're not gonna rat me out? No, 'Hermione-you're-being-stupid,-let-me-stupefy-you-for-a-bit-so-I-could-haul-your-butt-off-to-see-some-shrink', crap?" I asked her, incredulity coloring my tone.

"No. I'm gonna help you… but I have a condition, of course," she smiled conspiratorially.

Of course. Luna, thou art devious! Couple that with adorable, innocent-looking eyes and you get double the trouble.

"Okay… What condition? You aren't going to drag me to a Crumple-horned snorckack hunting, are you?"

"No, but if you want to, we could launch an expedi…"

"Hey, don't get off topic. What's the condition?" I asked before she changes her train of thought. I really shouldn't go talking about something like snorckack hunting. The girl is obsessed about it.

"So your love potions, are they for a specific set of people like, just the Slytherins or…"

"No, they are for everyone. Students, Ginny, professors, ministry-appointed officer, Ginny… everyone. The more the better!" I replied.

"Professors, too? Huh… Okay, so who will they fall in love with after they drink it?" she asked.

"The first person they see." I thought about having them fall in love with a specific person but it's too much work and it would take me a month to make it. So I stuck with the generic stuff.

"Alright then. Help me stupefy Cedric, force him to drink the potion and leave him somewhere he could wake up in front of other people," she said seriously.

"Seriously? Why?"

"Well, it would be nice if he just leaves me alone even just for a day. You know, he's getting too mushy and irritating. Yesterday, he challenged five guys to a duel just because they looked at me funny! Finding you this early in the morning, obviously plotting something sinister, is the best thing that happened to me this month. Will you help me? I swear I will tell nobody and I will help you with everything else you need for today." Poor girl. She must have had it with Cedric's over-protectiveness. I don't really want to do it but I need an ally and she will be less likely to be suspected.

"Deal! Oh, Luna, I'm so glad that I have you at least. You know, I used to have everyone to play with but, now, they are all just butt-kissing ministry stuck-ups! "

"Oh, c'mon 'Mione, they just want to have peace. Anyway, we'll never let them be." She smiled radiantly. If you aren't paying close enough attention to her face, you would not see her eyes take on a roguish gleam. I really shouldn't corrupt this girl so much. But since I don't have that many allies, I guess she'd have to do.

"Right you are. To the kitchens!"

* * *

"Are you sure that Cedric will be fine near the lake?" I asked, worried that he will roll off towards the water.

"I'm sure, don't worry. I wish some mermaid finds him and bam! Instant connection. Maybe they'll make him a merman and make him live underwater forever." Luna said dreamily. She is feeling very happy already. I am not. I prefer Cedric to live in my world. I mean, our world. Ehem. Stupid biceps making me all confused.

"He doesn't have gills, Luna. He'll die."

"But he is a wizard, Mione. He'll survive. He was one of the Triwizard champions before, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah… Alright then, let's go eat breakfast!" We looked at each other meaningfully and grinned. I'm already forgetting that somewhere near the lake, we dumped Cedric's stupefied body (and force-fed with some spiked juice by a very determined Luna) to send him pining after the rescuer that woke him up.

Everything is so beautiful this fine morning! The sky is grey with clouds. The sun won't be showing its face today but everything seems so bright. The lightning looks so regal and its accompanying thunder's like music to my ears!

I sat at the Gryffindor table while Luna went off to her own table. I looked around the Great Hall deeply satisfied. Okay, I might have let out an evil laugh.

All of the professors are enjoying their pumpkin juice; the students are drinking it, too. I steered clear of the blasted thing but enjoyed my morning coffee and French toast. I was halfway through sawing a strip of rubbery lamb fillet when I realized how flawed my plan was. (Our plan. I have to remember that Luna is in on it, too, so if I got into trouble, I wouldn't be alone.) I realized that not all students like pumpkin juice. I can see Daphne picking on her food, not really eating, her glass of water left untouched. I can't see Blaise or Pansy anywhere! I glanced at the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. They don't get on with their day without eating breakfast but five of them aren't drinking the spiked juice. I looked at Luna and she is looking at them, too, frowning. Then she muttered something then smiled. She felt my eyes on her and she winked at me. Well, I guess, I wouldn't have to worry about them much. I smiled at her gratefully.

I monitored my own table. My heart almost stopped when I realized that Harry and Ron aren't even here! Where are Harry and Ron? Shoot! Haven't I waked them up an hour ago? Have I? Oh, no. I forgot to wake them! For the past years I have never forgotten my job as their human alarm clock! Stupid, stupid! I was so pre-occupied, I forgot to spike the ones who were closest to me. And why is Dean not here? Shoot! I forgot to take into account that he sometimes skips breakfast to sleep in. Oh, crap, the ones that matters are the ones who have the knack in avoiding things like this! I turned to check if all my other friends are present.

I can see Padma talking to Terry Boot, her hands resting on his shoulders… then caressing it a bit sensuously. The potion is already working! The effect was subtle at first but I could see it spreading like the plague already.

Showtime.

Terry is a bit uncomfortable as her hands are slowly going south. Next to him is an untouched glass of pumpkin juice. He is one of the Ravenclaws that Luna spotted drinking coffee and had switched it to pumpkin juice with a small spell. Of course, switching it is a great tactic but it won't do much if the subject doesn't friggin' drink it!

Terry looked at Lavender, maybe to see if she finds anything odd going on with Padma's suddenly touchy-feely hands but he was disappointed to see her launching herself off of her seat to throw her arms around Blaise, who just appeared with a bouquet of flowers, presumably for Ginny. Poor Blaise was so confused and a bit frightened as he wrestled against someone who could possibly pass as a constricting python. Ginny, to my utmost delight, sipped her pumpkin juice and noticed something different from its taste. She looked up and sees McLaggen, who was busy cooing at his reflection on the mirror (no surprise there, really), and started stalking him like a jungle cat locking on its prey. Collin, on the other hand is taking pictures of Cho Chang, very much love-stricken. Cho barely looks at him because… uh, oh. She is gazing at me! She blew a kiss at my direction. I cringed.

I am seriously doubting my abilities as the most brilliant witch in this generation right now when I heard the double doors swing wide, Harry and Ron coming inside wet from head to foot. Harry is carrying two broomsticks and Ron had Cedric slung over his shoulders, still passed out. Merlin's behind! Would somebody shoot me already? The plan is falling apart! Cedric isn't supposed to be here! They strode towards me, taking their places beside me. I saw Luna frowning on our direction, clearly debating whether to come over or leave it alone.

"What in the blazes is going on? We saw Cedric passed out near the lake, and then we come inside the castle to see Neville chasing Mrs. Norris in the hallway! He was saying something about how love can transcend the boundaries or some such thing…" said a confused Ron, looking at Professor Dumbledore who is currently reciting some nauseating rhymes in front of the Bloody Baron who looked a tad revolted. If the ghost could hurl, he would.

I looked at Ron as if I'm weirded out, too. "Uh, I don't know…" I lied. "Everyone was acting normally this morning, it turned weird just now. Where were you and why is Cedric like that?"

Ron tore his gaze from the Headmaster and dumped Cedric next to him, poking him as if to see what's wrong with him.

"We had to practice for the quidditch match next month so we woke up earlier than usual, but after it started raining heavily, we gave it up. On our way back, we saw Cedric lying there all drenched. We went to the infirmary but Madam Pomfrey isn't there, we figured she'll be eating breakfast here…"Harry trailed off, looking at the staff table with disgust "Why is Professor Snape dancing with Professor Trelawney?! That, that's just …ugh!" he said, finding no words to describe the scene.

"Oh, that is just disturbing!" They're like puppets stringed to the most untalented puppeteer ever with all the flailing limbs. Professor Snape looked especially creepy with wide, excited eyes.

"Well, Madam Pomfrey seems to take a liking to Professor Flitwick… ew! Does she have to do that?!" I said, a bit distracted.

My plan is off to a spectacular start. Almost everyone is already under the influence of my brilliant potion. I just have to take care of minor things like Harry freaking Potter. He is my best friend and I do love him but I love him a lot less right now because he is already on investigation mode. I have to sidetrack him, somehow. I coughed to get his attention. "Anyway, what do we do with Cedric?" I asked. I could revive him with a simple Ennervate spell but that would be suspicious. I saw Luna walking over to our table and I exhaled shakily. She must have some sort of solution to this.

"I don't know. I mean he is breathing and all but he seems to be stupefied." Harry observed. I fidgeted.

"Should we ennervate him, then?" asked Ron. We shrugged so he did it.

As Cedric began stirring, Luna, who was almost on our table, saw what Ron was doing and suddenly turned back to her place in a hurry. But it was too late. Cedric saw her first as he was facing her when he woke up. He jumped up, his eyes following her every move. Then off he went like the wind, chasing Luna and singing an obviously self-composed song about love, Nargles and the moon. My image of him is ruined forever.

Okay, I don't think I could count on Luna for help anymore. In fact, I might have to distance myself from her for the rest of the term. Why does that part of the plan have to go wrong? I might really have to go snorckack-hunting with her just so I could appease her! My temples are starting to throb.

"Hmm, glazed eyes, drooling, stupid smiles and declarations of love. Someone spiked the food with love potion!" realization dawned on Harry's face.

My throat ran dry. I snatched the first thing my hands landed on and shoved it down my throat. Wrong move. I was horror-struck as I tasted the pumpkin juice on my tongue. I spluttered but I was too late, I can already feel the hazy after-effects of the potion. I closed my eyes, fearing the person I would have to fall in love with at first sight. If I have to go blind for the rest of the day, I would or else I'd go making a fool of myself!

At the background, I could hear the singing, the dancing and the declarations of love as everybody- aside from Harry, Ron, Terry, Blaise, Pansy and Dean (who hasn't shown up yet), Daphne (who hasn't touched her food), and maybe a couple of other students- are chasing their objects of affection.

I felt Cho Chang sidle to my side and begun touching my hair while saying, "Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back " and "That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?". Leaping fried squid tentacles! Did she just feel me up? I swatted her hand. She wasn't discouraged.

I was still clinging to my rational self when I heard something really good.

"Hey, Harry! Look at Malfoy chasing Peeves!" said Ron in amusement. Ugh, I'd really want to see that but I refused to open my eyes. "Maybe this thing isn't so bad. You know, we could leave it alone for a while… Apparently, classes are cancelled and we get entertainment instead!"

Oh, I am such a stupid knob! Classes! Why didn't I take that into account? Cho is still whispering in my ear… and blowing on my neck. I shivered… and accidentally swatted her face. Nope, it wasn't an accident at all. Stupid potion!

"Ron, listen to yourself! Do you really want your sister kissing McLaggens earlobes?" said a very rational Harry. It's like we switched roles. I was supposed to be the rational one. He is so stealing my thunder.

"Well, no, but I really like seeing Mr. Pockmark trying to kiss the Fat Lady and chasing her from painting to painting!" said Ron, a bit torn. "But, okay, let's do something about that. Pansy just walked in and I don't want her panting for other guys… or girls, Oy, Cho Chang! Unhand Hermione! " yelled Ron.

I felt him restrain Cho Chang and I hurriedly re-buttoned the ones she managed to undo in my shirt. She is one scary woman! Cho Chang protested quite violently because she accidentally kicked me in my stomach and I fell off the floor. My eyes flew wide open. Crap.

The first thing I saw was an astounded Astoria, looking so absolutely breathtaking, deciding whether or not she should walk through the double doors.

I would do everything, anything, just to make her mine.

* * *

I woke from my stupor after what seemed like an eternity. I still felt a little blank, my mind still working a bit slow, and I just felt like staring at the wall.

"'Mione, you okay now? Do you feel like yourself again?" someone asked. I was a bit confused. Why is she talking to me?

"Do you still feel like jumping Astoria?" she mocked me.

Oh… Oh! Potion! I looked around and found the voice. Pansy. Huh.

"Where are Harry and Ron? What time is it? What happened to Luna?" I slurred a bit.

"They are still giving antidotes to other students. Their hands are full at the moment what with the chasing and the restraining and whatnot. You are the first one we gave it to after they got the antidote right. The first one exploded like you wouldn't believe. Honestly, what could they do without you?" she said looking at me thoughtfully.

I groaned. It's all coming back to me now. I drank the spiked pumpkin juice like the moron I am! I remember feeling… oh, God no.

"Where is Astoria?"

"She is helping Harry and Ron. I was assigned to watch you and tell you to get off your ass as soon as possible and go help." She said, remembering her job.

So off we went and found them chasing Neville who's got claw marks all over his face. I felt really guilty looking at him, clothes all torn up (again), running after the nimble Mrs. Norris, promising to catch lots of rats for the cat to eat if it just gave him one kiss. After he was cured, he went looking for Cho Chang immediately, taking some antidote phials with him. I went red, remembering her hands on my hair. I slapped my face to shake the memories off my mind.

We were kept very busy so, thankfully, there wasn't any time to think about it yet. I learned from Harry that after they saw me drink the pumpkin juice and throw myself at Astoria (she's still not looking at me), they figured that the love potion was mixed with the pumpkin juice so they vanished all of it. Of course it wouldn't do any good since almost everybody drank from it and was already affected. It took them until noon to search the library for a book that will show them how to brew the antidote, another thirty minutes to gather the ingredients, three hours trying to get it right when Blaise found the antidote for love potions in Snape's office. They gathered what few students they could that haven't drank the pumpkin juice and went straight to business. I was the first one they gave it to. Now I feel really guilty for not telling them that the potion will pretty much lose its potency around an hour and a half.

"I guess that's everyone", said Ron, wiping his forehead tiredly after an hour of work. The more students got cured, the faster we were able to get to the others.

"You mean every student. We still have the professors and Mr. Pockard to attend to" said Harry wearily.

"Why didn't you get them first?", I asked. "They would have helped a great deal and the job would have been done faster."

"Yeah? Try pointing your wand at them and they'd stupefy you faster than you can say ' we are giving you antidote!'", said a very grumpy Dean. They dragged him from his sleep this morning and even though he enjoyed the scene at first, it got pretty old fast when Dennis Creevey started making kissy-noises at him. Needless to say, he knocked him unconscious and gave him the antidote.

"We saved them for last because we'll need all the help we could to get them to stop chasing the object of their affection. The students were tough enough to handle. We tried restraining Professor McGonagall after we tricked you to drinking the antidote and it did not go well", said Terry, rubbing his bum with a shaggy tail attached to it.

"Tricked me how?" I asked, miffed that I'd be so easily fooled even if I was under the influence.

"Well, you were actually very difficult to distract since, uhm, you were… attaching yourself to Astoria's mouth over there," explained Pansy while Astoria blushed crimson." Harry tried everything but whenever he used force to separate you from her, you started hexing everybody and boy, was it destructive. You just blasted the double doors from the Great Hall, by the way."

"Tricked me how?" I asked again. "You didn't really answer my question, you know." I was trying to sidetrack myself from thinking that I kissed Astoria and that I was quite pleased with myself.

"Okay, okay, it helped that Astoria overslept and was late for breakfast, she didn't get to eat or drink at all. So I had this brilliant idea to use her as bait. She just had to say ,'Granger, drink this and I will kiss you again.' And you came running," Pansy grinned.

"Where can I find a sewing kit? I wanna sew Pansy's mouth shut." I said, resorting to saying mean things to cover my embarrassment. I looked at Astoria briefly and she must've been staring at me cause I saw her quickly look away.

"Okay, 'Mione. Enough making eyes at her.", Harry said, a bit irritated. Now that's interesting. "Let us gang up and cure the Professors."

We summoned the rest of the students, minus the freshmen and the sophomores who were sent back to their dormitories led by the prefects, and divided into groups while Harry assigned a Professor to each group. Our group (the extended one plus Malfoy, the git) got the most dangerous ones: Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape. The last two were easy enough to subdue with twenty students surrounding them. It was all unnecessary, of course, but Luna and I agreed to never divulge that at less than half an hour later, the spell will be lifted, unless we want to get caught. It was especially frustrating when we have to face the Headmaster who was so hell-bent on pursuing the Bloody Baron, that when we interrupted just a tiny bit, he gave us a hell lot of trouble, even with Professor McGonagall's help. The Bloody Baron was too focused on fleeing, he didn't even hear us beg him to trick the Headmaster like Astoria did to me. Professor Snape just upped and left when someone told him what had happened and probably went in some dark pit, burning in shame.

Sometime in the ensuing tussle with the stubborn Headmaster (5 minutes till the spell would have been lifted, dang it all to hell), he managed to burn Pansy's hair, to my delight (I laughed unabashedly) but it was her turn to laugh when he turned my skin deep blue. I looked like the darker cousin of the smurfs! At long, weary, last, we managed to body bind him (it took a lot of diversion, the mad genius made it tough) and I have to force his mouth open with a spell for us to get a drop of antidote into his system.

After that, everything went smoothly.

As I contemplated the pros and cons of the love potions' after effects, I came to the conclusion that it was a very, very bad idea because it seems that there is a lot more weight on the cons list.

Pro: After investigating a bit, nobody found out who had instigated the whole thing even after inquiring the house elves at the kitchens. It was a good thing we bound Dobby with the secret oath and he was only too happy to have been in cahoots with us. He has such great appreciation for such "fun".

Con: Harry is looking at me weirdly, as if he wanted to accuse me outright, probably already connecting the dots and tracing it back to me. He would be dead-on, of course, but one would do well to remember that I don't talk even under torture. Which leads me to…

Pro: I am awesome. With the help of Luna and Dobby, I just pulled off a massive commotion and even made the grown-ups dance to the tune of their shame. But then…

Con: I danced to the same tune and am still sporting a deep blue skin. I can hear my friends snickering behind my back. Oh, well I guess I deserved it.

Pro: I got back at Ginny, albeit indirectly, and it felt good. I also heard about Mr. Pockard's mortified shrieks of: "You heard 'em, Filch! It was the bloody potion!... No, I don't really love you!... Get off me!... Son of a b****!"

Con: I felt bad. Really bad, especially after looking at the Bloody Baron, who was still traumatized, and he really doesn't deserve it when he already died. I felt bad for my friends who felt really guilty towards their lovers as if they betrayed their trust. I felt bad about the students, especially those who were my juniors because I neglected to specify 'humans only' in the love-potions' spell-casting.

But I stopped feeling bad when a strange thing happened.

Con: There are no more pros as the students from the 6th year above started having sickly sweet moments with their ministry-appointed partners!

I could see Blaise, trying to console and tell Ginny that everything's okay as she tried to cover her shame-filled face with the same hands that touched McLaggen. I could see Terry taking a shy step towards Lavender, Neville smashing Collin's camera (filled with pictures of Cho), Collin looking terrified and fleeing towards Padma. Harry, Ron, Dean, Daphne, Astoria and Pansy, celebrating a job well done, were having a moment with themselves.

Cho came up to me and said, "I'm so sorry about this morning, er, I hope I didn't scare you too much."

"There's nothing to forgive, Cho. We're fine", I said, trying not to take a step back. She did freak me out. I had fantasies about girl on girl romance, mostly with Astoria, but I realized right then and there that I am totally straight. "Excuse me, I have to apologize to Astoria," I told Cho, who smiled graciously and went back to Neville.

I approached Astoria and I could see her blushing again as I got closer. "Um, uh, Greengrass, I am so sorry about this morning, er…" I don't know what to say anymore. I can't find anything to excuse myself from the incident with her because I can't really tell her that I was the one who went about spiking everybody's drink with love potion. I am not afraid of her per se, but I am worried about what Harry might do to me if he found out.

"Cat got your tongue Granger?" Pansy teased. Ron laughed outright but Harry didn't even smile. He's clearly bothered about the incident.

"Shut up, Pansy. You just got lucky." I retorted. I faced Astoria again, silently pleading for her forgiveness.

"Well, uh, I liked it…" she started saying and Harry started choking. "What I mean is that it was okay!" she amended loudly. Wow, I kissed a girl and she liked it. I liked it, too, but even then I felt weird. It was like kissing a close relative. Fantasy officially over.

"You better phrase it the right way or Potter would explode, whoa there…" said Pansy, raising her hands palm up, as if to ward herself from him. Hmm, Harry is starting to like Astoria. Ron thought so to, because he's got his sly smile on.

"Er, I forgive you Hermione." Said Astoria, looking at me sincerely. "It wasn't you, it was the dang potion's fault."

"Thanks, er, Astoria." We hugged it out but we separated quickly because Harry seems to be choking again.

I wandered around and saw most of the couples get stronger from what they experienced today. Some looked like they realized something about their partners after they snapped out of their love-potion funk and was making an effort to get to know about them more. I cursed inwardly. Of course there are still other couples like Luna & Cedric, Dean & Daphne, Parvati & McLaggen and few others who aren't affected too much by what happened. But I am beating myself up over the fact that I unintentionally created this strange atmosphere. I'm afraid that I just made them take a step forward on building a strong foundation for their arranged relationship. I can see the adults looking at us with pride at the positive turn-out of this chaotic day. I even saw Malfoy, contemplating about approaching me but I hurriedly raced to the dorms.

I had planned for this day to make a statement. To proclaim the message that a forced marriage is like spiking us with some love potion. That it is coercive and just plain wrong. But they seemed to have received it backwards! Ugh!

The next day, another 'con' piled itself on top of my list. The Aurors (the so-called chaperones; match-makers, more like) arrived two days earlier than planned. The school board felt the need to employ them immediately before yesterday's event made a repeat performance.

I must really be the dumbest genius alive.


	8. Couples Day

The dreaded day came, even if I was trying very hard to slow the hours with the sheer force of my will.

I thought of all the possibilities that would prevent it from coming, like, freezing time like they do in the movies. I'm still working on that (and boy is it difficult trying to even just comprehend the time and space continuum concept, genius though I am). I thought about taking the Resurrection Stone, in an unconventional way of trying to repopulate the wizarding world again. I guess it was a good thing Harry lost it somewhere or Diagon Alley will be brimming over with the undead. Not to mention Harry would be breathing down my neck, and my friends would probably make me face the wall again. I thought about vanishing Mondays from the face of the calendar (I totally get Garfield now), about why the apocalypse isn't approaching fast enough, and the general daydream about an asteroid hitting wizarding London (or just Mr. Pockard, really).

Sadly, the days have come and gone in a flash. The Couple's Day has come.

Is it too late to ask Superman the favor of flying around the globe in reverse and send us back a couple of years? Because I had lots of history to rewrite... and erase.

I sighed. This will be a long afternoon.

I trudged alongside Harry and Padma towards the Glass Hall with a heavy heart. The others already went through the sessions this morning and were free to do whatever they wished for the rest of the day. I don't know what I would have preferred: seeing Malfoy first thing in the morning or going through couple-y sessions with him in the afternoon. Either way, I know it'll suck big time. It doesn't help that my skin is still a dark shade of blue. I had a sneaking suspicion that the Headmaster pretended to ignore my current predicament because he blames me for the Love-Potion Incident and he can't prove it. I can't get rid of the blasted curse and I had privileges in the Restricted Section of the library! I seek him out to get him to put me to rights again but he avoids me like the plague! Ooh, what I would do when I catch him…

"Calm down 'Mione. The sessions would be bearable, I promise," Padma attempted to console me, mistaking my thoughts. Fat good it did since it reopened new agitating ones. "Ginny told me that they had a wonderful session this morning."

"Of course she'd say that. She wants to make it work with Blaise!" I snapped.

"You aren't still mad at her, are you? She did apologize to you yesterday", she asked, concerned.

"Took her long enough. She can't take back what she revealed about me in front of everyone, though." I sniffed.

"Ah, the not-virgin-anymore thing," snickered Harry. "I was really shocked about that 'Mione. But then again, I never really got to see you in your summer wildness. Hmmm… in fact, we've never seen how you are when you go back to the muggle world. "

"Of course you don't and I'll keep it that way. I wouldn't want you to be too traumatized. You've been through enough already," I teased him.

He looked at me oddly so I added, "I'm just kidding, keep your hair on. If you want, you can accompany me during the winter hols and see how I muggle things up. I'm a straight up normal citizen, you'll see."

"Ooh, that's gonna be interesting. I wonder if Ron could come, too."

"Hey, the gang could all go!" I said excitedly, already planning ahead. I wonder how I could take away all of their wands to make them do everything muggle style.

"That's great, but I can't go. I promised Collin that I'd be spending Christmas with him. In fact, our families are gonna get together for the whole winter vacation. We're gonna go on a trip to Brazil! I can't wait!" said Padma. It seems like things are getting pretty serious between them.

"Wow, already?" I asked, surprised.

"'Mione, you know we'll have to do it eventually. So, why delay the introductions to our future in-laws? They already know about the whole Marriage Law anyway. So I'll just go ahead and work on getting them to like me, which they will because I am quite the catch," Padma said with too much confidence. I let Harry make fun of her statement because I am too busy panicking. I've never told my parents about it yet! Why did I ever restore their memories again?

"Hey, Granger, why so blue this fine morning?" asked Dean, laughing at his oh-so-brilliant double entendre, scattering my thoughts. He appeared from somewhere and joined our group. I am so going to catch Dumbledore.

"Hey, Thomas, why a dick this fine morning?" I asked him back.

"Ooh, somebody's grumpy", he teased me in a singsong voice. "somebody needs to get laid…" I smacked his arms. I still can't get used to people teasing me about my private life. They never made innuendos about me before. I am practically a living saint before Ginny dropped the bomb that killed my reputation.

"You're also scheduled for this afternoon?" Harry asked him, after snickering at me himself.

"Yeah, ugh, I'd rather be attending classes than go to these couple sessions with Dr. Love," he replied, rubbing his arms absently. Harry nodded in agreement.

"Well that's a first," I muttered. "I can't believe they told us we didn't need to study Divination anymore to make way for this crap. Preposterous! People here don't know how vital it is for students to learn the mystic arts…"

"Who are you and what have you done to Hermione?" asked Dean, faking some sort of heart-attack. I'm thinking whether I should help him make it more believable.

"The Hermione we know hates divination and would have done anything, anything just to stop taking that class!" exclaimed Harry, feigning shock.

"Have you finally opened your Eyes to the mystery that is beyond the present?" Padma asked me eagerly. Well, isn't she nuts for that stupid subject…

"Well it's definitely preferable than what were about to do" I said looking at the looming doors toward the Glass Hall. I sighed heavily.

We went inside the hall. Most of the students are already there, waiting for Mr. Pockard.

"Oh, goody, I get to sit with Malfoy, again", I grumbled as I made my way to the chair with my name plate engraved on top of the table next to it. I spotted Malfoy already seated with an air of arrogance, looking for all the world like he owned the place.

"Good luck, 'Mione, and try not to kill anybody this time," Harry told me meaningfully while he went to sit beside Astoria. She immediately hugged him but she was staring at… my lips. I smirked. Looks like somebody can't stop thinking about me. Padma saw the whole thing and started whispering gossip in Collin's ears. I rolled my eyes at her.

"Well, well, well… the brightest witch of our age can't get rid of her wee blue skin," Malfoy mocked me in a childish tone.

"Well, well, well… the dumbest wizard of our age doesn't get that he'll be clobbered if he doesn't shut it," I threatened him and sat down. He was about to say something else when Mr. Pockard strode towards the podium and began the session. Is it just me or he looks really haggard today? I looked at the door in time to see Filch passing by. Well, that explains a lot.

"Pardon me if I'm late. I just had to take care of a few things." Mr. Pockard looked surreptitiously toward the doors and wiped his forehead then exhaled loudly in relief. Filch is already gone, then. "Alright," he said in a more stable voice, " Welcome to your first ever Couple's Day where we're going to prepare you for a healthy married life. I will help you get started every step of the way until I deem it unnecessary. Okay, first, to start a healthy relationship with your partner, you have to get to know each other personally. I am going to give you some time to converse with your partners and find out anything about each other. I think you all know how to do it so chop, chop!" He made us face each other (there were ten other couples present) and told us to start talking.

I didn't know what I'm supposed to expect but I'm disappointed at the lack of creativity. I knew just from looking at him the first time that Mr. Pockard is kind of dumb. Did he actually expect me and What's-His-Face to have a perfectly normal conversation about ourselves?

I looked around us. Harry and Astoria are having a serious conversation. Padma and Collin are flirting back and forth. Dean and Daphne are a bit cold around each other, but they are trying to converse. Theo, (now Daphne's ex, apparently they had a talk and mutually agreed to break things off) was talking animatedly with his partner from Hufflepuff. All the other couples were all chatting and laughing and flirting. Ugh. Looks like its just me and Malfoy who are keeping our silence.

"Granger…"

…or not. Ugh, I thought we had a mutual agreement that we would stay silent? Man, this telepathy thing doesn't work!

"Granger, you heard Pockard. Maybe we should do it, too. I mean, the others are talking…" Malfoy trailed off, looking very uncomfortable. How cute. He is trying. Too bad I hate him.

"What is there to talk about?" I asked. "I already know things about you. You are a pureblood, you are stinking rich, your family likes to experiment with the Dark arts, you live in a Manor, which, by the way, I had spent lovely hours in being tortured by your extremely unstable aunt. So, aside from the Blacks, have I missed any crazy relatives that I should know about?" Whoa, were did that come from? And what happened to not talking? Me and my stupid mouth.

"Hey now, you missed the part where we joined the Order of the Phoenix shortly after your escape from the Manor, how we apologized to everybody in a public press conference, how we donated most of our money to rebuild wizarding London after the War… need I go on?" he said defensively. Ah, of course I knew all that. It was on every freaking paper _. 'Most stout supporters of You-Know-Who converted to the Light, instrumental in bringing about the Dark Lord's downfall'._ That doesn't mean it absolves them of every crime they commited. I don't see Lucius Malfoy rotting in Azkaban. Community service, my ass. There's too much politics going on.

"Oh, do go on. What else should I know about?" I asked him condescendingly. I don't expect him to reply but he seems to be extra talkative today. I saw Mr. Pockard in my periphery, obviously scrutinizing my every move. I'm gonna have to do something about him. He's too nosy and he seems hell-bent on focusing on me, only me. I know I am awesome but he doesn't have to give me special attention, its hardly fair for those other students.

"Well, aside from the Blacks, we are related to the Parkinsons, the Notts and the Weasleys, however distant. " he said, answering my previous question, determined to keep the conversation on lighter topics.

"Parkinsons? I thought you and Pansy were a thing before the Marriage Law?" I asked, a bit surprised.

"Yeah, I don't know why there are rumors about us dating. She's my second cousin. Must be because were close, like you are with Potter and Weasley. You guys having threesomes or what?" he teased me.

"Ew, no. Get your head out of your ass. Okay so we covered relatives. Can we move on to hobbies? How many dark spells have you used yet?" I asked mockingly.

"Oh, please, like you haven't tried any yourself," he retorted. He's right, of course, but he doesn't need to know that.

"I know about you, too," he continued like he's determined to keep talking. "You are a muggleborn,…"

"and I expect you have something to say about that?" I asked, cutting him off. If he just say something incriminating about me, I'd bludgeon him till next week.

"Actually, I don't think there is anything wrong about being a muggleborn. There's no difference, really." He said earnestly.

Is he trying to be funny?

"No, no. Go on, mock away! It's not like you haven't done it before!" I nearly yelled. No bloody way he'd just be okay with that. He called me mudblood enough times for me to be insecure about myself. In fact, his crazy aunt had it tattooed in my forearm. It already faded, but the scars run deeper than that.

"What? I was just saying I don't have a problem with you being a muggleborn!" he protested.

"Well, that's just spiffing, isn't it?" I mocked. " _Reformed_ Death Eater, willing to marry a muggleborn to prove a point! Why, that would up the Malfoy reputation to a gazillion points!"

"Oh, if were bringing the past so much then what about you? You tried very hard to give the ministry and the school so much trouble after they created the Law! For the first time in my life, I want to abide by the law and you're doing the opposite! Plotting against the ministry, unleashing wild birds and the love potion! "

"Don't you accuse me of that! I have nothing to do with the love potion!" I lied. I don't like where this is going. Now some of my classmates are staring at me and one of them kept saying, 'Bloody hell? I kissed Goyles' filthy shoe repeatedly that day!' in a very loud voice and looking at me dirty.

"Oh, don't deny it. You are the only one capable of doing so much damage." Malfoy continued accusing me. Now, I don't know if I should take it as an insult or as a compliment.

"You have no proof!" I yelled as Harry looks at me with that piercing gaze, working out the patterns of my facial muscles to see if I'm telling the truth. I tried to work on my non-guilty look.

"Uh, let me see: powerful potion, meticulous planning and covered tracks? It has you written all over it!" he yelled back.

"Oh, yeah? I think you did it and you're just trying to frame me!" Awesome, Hermione. Turn it around. Turn it back around. I'm giving myself an imaginary pat in the back.

"What?! No, I think you are trying to turn it back on me so people will be confused and think I did it when you did it!" Nice try, buddy. I ain't losing.

"No, you did it but you tell them I did it when you did it!" I all but shouted. I think I am beginning to believe it, too.

"No, I didn't do it, you know you did it but you tell them I did it when in fact you did it, you liar!" he screamed back.

"No, you're a liar! Glad to know I'm getting to know you better but, wait, I already know that about you!"

"No, you don't know me at all! You think you know everything? Because I'm dying to ask…"

"I hope you just stopped at 'I'm dying' then maybe I wouldn't have to get rid of you myself!"

"Stop it, both of you!" Mr. Pockard scolded us.

I started. I forgot we were in a room with nine other couples, in the Glass Hall, attending the Couple's Day sessions. We both jumped in surprise as we realized that he and I were too close for comfort. I didn't even remember getting up from my seat!

"I told you to converse with your partner and get to know them. I didn't tell you to start yelling at each other!" yelled Mr. Pockard. "You two are giving me a head ache. I can feel my hair thinning!" Like he isn't bald already. " I thought you were capable of diffusing the fight on your own, but no!" He sighed while massaging his temples. He must've given up for now because he said, "Now, I will go over there and see how the other couples are doing. I suppose I could leave you two alone for a bit without you getting in each other's throats?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I didn't say anything. Neither did Malfoy. Finally, we are agreeing about the silent thing.

"I hope you'd at least tell the other of one thing that you still didn't know about each other but I guess that would be difficult. But I am warning you, there's gonna be a pop quiz later." He finished and strode off towards a couple of Ravenclaws.

Now, I'm getting nervous. A pop quiz! I've never gotten zilch on a quiz before but I have a feeling I'd be getting one right now and I am too proud to ask Malfoy anything personal after our little tiff. Should I ask him if mental instability runs in their family? Or should I ask something basic like his favorite pastime? I have a feeling that he won't provide me with answers because I could feel his anger radiating off me. So I just endured the suffocating silence and see how the others are getting on.

They are getting on splendidly. Aside from me and Malfoy, and Dean and Daphne, who appeared to be bored and disinterested, the other couples are nauseatingly all excitement and giggles. I could literally feel my eyes getting tired of all the eye-rolls I'm doing today.

After the getting-to-know part of the session, we were tasked to do a simple trust exercise. The girls will be blindfolded while the males will guide us with their voices towards the end of the room. Athough I am in no mood to participate, I still got up and accepted the blindfold without protest. Okay, that was laughable. I meant, Mr. Pockard dragged me towards the starting line (even when I tried scratching out his face, man, is he persistent!) and all but squeezed my eyes out with the too tightly-bound blindfold, I can feel my skull constricting. I heard Malfoy laughing at me. No way am I following that voice! For all I know, he'll make me jump out the window!

"The first couple to cross the finish line will get a free dinner at the luxurious Ritz Hotel down at Piccadilly," he said proudly. The Ritz! Wow, I can feel myself getting competitive. I've only ever dined there once but it wouldn't hurt to go there a second time. I heard Malfoy scoff. The git. He probably dined there a thousand times before and he's not impressed. I sighed. Seems like I won't be getting free dinner at the very best hotel ever.

"On my mark, go!" Mr. Pockard whistled, signaling us to start.

I heard the boys shouting at the top of their lungs, giving directions to their partners. I heard Malfoy, too, and he seems to be enjoying himself.

"Granger, go right! No, go left! Actually, go ahead and step backwards and bang yourself on the wall!"

"Haha. Funny." I seethed. I'm never gonna move from my spot.

Somewhere to my left, I heard Daphne cursing Dean. It appears that she crashed on a table. I heard Dean apologize half-heartedly and say, "Oh, yeah, watch out for the table." Merlin, he could be a jerk sometimes.

"Granger! Did you hear me? I said roll forward, crawl ten steps, turn around, do the hula dance and fall down the stairs!" Malfoy can't keep himself from laughing. I huffed.

"Ms. Granger, why aren't you moving?" asked Mr. Pockard testily.

"Because Malfoy is an idiot and I don't trust him!" I yelled at him but I took a step forward to keep him off my back.

Theo suddenly cheered and I knew that his partner already reached the finish line. Game over. I was about to rip my blindfold apart when dear mole-y, balding Pockard ordered us to finish the race and that whoever gets in last will have to grant the winner's wish.

My competitive spirit reignited. I have never been last on anything before and I cringe at granting Theo's wish because he is a Slytherin and there is no way I'd ever humiliate myself like that. Screw Malfoy's voice, I'll find my own way!

With my arms splayed out in a cautious manner, I trudged my way to the finish line in a brisk pace. I fell a couple of times and banged my head in what I could only suspect to be a board that Malfoy purposely placed in front of my face ( I could hear his muffled sniggers). I'm thoroughly incensed but I made it through the finish line with Malfoy actually helping me near the end (cause, apparently I was moving in the wrong direction) because he doesn't want to lose as well and didn't want to give Theo the time of day, lording a wish over him. We finished third from last to my surprise. How suckish could the other couples be when they don't have a Malfoy to deal with?

It was my turn to laugh when the situation reversed. This time the men will be blindfolded while the girls take their hand and lead them towards the finish line. I was more determined this time because the reward for the winner will be plus points on our grades. At the sound of Pockard's whistle, I dragged a protesting Malfoy with all my might (and made sure to trip him and bang his head on as many obstacles I could find. I was pretty sure I kicked him a couple times when I didn't think he didn't get hit enough) and made it to the finish line, second. Oh, well. I laughed as Malfoy threw his blindfold towards me, no doubt imagining it to be something more heavy.

The session finally ended, to my intense relief, though I am still sulking about the pop quiz that made me feel like an idiot. I only got 2 out of the ten questions, I mean, who wouldn't? It looks like I have limited knowledge about the ferret and, honestly, I'm not at all interested about his favorite color or what kind of pasta he likes. Malfoy, surprisingly, got 7 out of ten and I am asking myself if I am too predictable. And what kind of subject is this anyway? It is ridiculous! I feel like I'm studying Malfoy.

I was about to get out of the bloody hall when Mr. Pockard called me.

"Granger, Malfoy, Daphne Greengrass and Thomas, please see me before you go." He said, while talking to other couples on their way out, giving last minute counsel to those who ask for it.

Uh-oh, what now? The four of us looked at each other and I edged myself towards Dean. I'm glad that I have him at least because Harry left the hall with Astoria, with his curious eyes cautioning me to behave myself.

"What do you think he wants us for?" asked Dean.

"I don't know. Maybe we are in trouble. Malfoy and I got into another fight. You didn't fight with Daphne, did you?" I asked him.

"No, er, yes, I don't know. I just hope he hurries up, I have plans to play quidditch with Harry," he answered apathetically. He looked at me and he must've seen something in my face cause he said, "Don't worry 'Mione, if they gang up on us, we'll give them something to think about." I smiled gratefully.

"Sit down. I won't take long, I promise." Mr. Pockard said.

We sat down on the chairs closest to the podium, with Dean and I to the left side and the other two to our right, three seats away from us.

"See? You are already dividing yourselves!" said Mr. Pockard, disappointment printed all over his face, pointing on our sitting arrangements. "This type of behavior just won't do. Almost all the other couples are getting on very well or at the very least trying to, but a few of you clearly needs to get special attention. From now on, you will meet with me every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8:00 pm in my office. I will give you extra counseling sessions until you resolve whatever disagreements you have with your partners."

"What?!" complained Daphne. "Extra sessions? Do we have to attend Couples Day too?"

"Of course. Couples Day is mandatory."

"This is ridiculous, we fight once and you subject us to this!?" I asked while gritting my teeth. Actually, it was more than once but no one's getting specific, so let's leave it at that.

"Do you promise to make-up with Mr. Malfoy if I didn't?" he asked slyly.

I stewed silently on my seat, imagining myself commanding the Hulk to smash him repeatedly like a rag doll. I really do watch too many movies.

"I'd take that as a no, so you will have to comply with this new stipulation or else."

"Or else what?" challenged Dean.

"I suppose we could get the chaperones involved this early. They are itching to get started." He smiled widely.

We blanched at this. So far, the "chaperones" are keeping to the shadows, no doubt stalking all of us.

We were all dismissed, with Pockard feeling triumphant and contented. Not for long, I hope. But I have to deal with someone else first before I get to him.

Speaking of, I see the Headmaster's white long beard, retreating off the corner, no doubt sensing me around, and off I went like a rampaging rhino. But not before I saw Malfoy look at me angrily, bruises already forming near his jaw.

My, this day isn't a total flop after all. It did have its endearing moments.


	9. Busted

My palms are sweaty. I am trying to breathe evenly to slow my heartbeat because they are staring at me very seriously. This is ridiculous! Lavender is going to pay dearly her children's children will feel it. The Headmaster finished reading the journal with my handwriting on it and set it down the table grimly. My parents, Malfoy, Lavender and a Mediwitch turned to look at him with tense anticipation, waiting for the verdict.

"That was… disturbing." The Headmaster said, brows furrowed in deep thought. Oh, come on! Nobody died!

"So, tell me Ms. Granger, do I need to make you see a specialist in addition to your couple sessions? Or shall we just skip all that and put you straight to our excellent mental health facility? We do have the best accommodations for people who suffer from your type of, er, condition."

"Professor, I swear I didn't write that!" I lied. Lying is all I ever do lately. "And I am not mental, thank you very much."

"Nice try. See, it has your name written at the back." Malfoy said accusingly as he went to retrieve the piece of incriminating crap (but a very imaginative piece of crap which I have to, regrettably, burn later) from Dumbledore's desk and showed me the last page, dangling it in front of my face. "See? _'Property of Hermione Jean Granger. Beware the possessor's wrath: Touch it and be wary; read it, you'll be sorry'._ Now, isn't that just like you!"

"Umm, somebody forged it?" I asked lamely, feeling stupid for not coming up with a more believable excuse. Remind me next time to never label my journal entries. Jeez, I just get so possessive sometimes.

"Oh, Hermione. Don't even bother getting yourself out of this one. You know you wrote it," my mom said wryly. Aren't moms supposed to cover for their daughters? So much for family sticking for each other. I glared at my mom. She just shrugged. So typical of her. And why the hell are they here? I still haven't told them about the freaking law!

"Hermione, darling, what did you do this time? I mean, I thought you didn't get caught, I mean, you're a bright witch, don't you know how to avoid suspicion … Ow! Woman, stop pinching my ear!" My mom had my dad by the ear and is lecturing him about how he shouldn't condone my actions and that he should set an example for his daughter. I rolled my eyes. I didn't get this mean streak from my father.

The Headmaster is busy looking for scissors because his ears are sprouting long, glittering, silver hair- a curse triggered by the unauthorized touching of the journal (The old coot forgot to use a wand). The curse for those who read it will take a while to fully emerge. I can't wait to see it on him. Malfoy, who was still holding the journal, dropped it immediately, but it wasn't before his eyebrows grew inches longer.

The Mediwitch looked at me curiously and asked, "What happened for you to write such things? Based on Albus' assessment, you must've written something troubling. We can help you if you're having issues, we're here to listen."

I exhaled loudly. Here goes the thinly veiled interrogations. Is she insane? Just depressed? Teenage angst? Totally psychotic, lying piece of turd, spawn of evil?

"Start from the beginning, missy and don't leave out anything."

"I reserve the right to keep my silence… " I said stubbornly.

"Oh, please. I'll tell you people what happened." Lavender said, a bit annoyed at how slow the things are going. "It started one afternoon…"

* * *

 **Lavender's POV:**

Why do I have to do this? I mean, we have all those blasted "chaperones" lying around but I still have to spy on someone, a hotheaded someone, dear Lord help us!, just so I could contribute for the 'greater good' (meaning stop whatever madness Hermione cooks up before it ends up blowing half the country to smithereens). I admit, I am doing a good deed, following the girl wherever she goes, eavesdropping on her conversations and her more disturbing mutters, and reporting everything to Harry- if it ever could prevent a potential global catastrophe (cause I won't put it past her to nuke the world just so she could get her way). But I don't think all our efforts will come to any good because she is the most stubborn girl in the whole galaxy.

 _ **('You spied on me?!' yelled Hermione, furious. Oops! She is already mad at me as it is, why do I have to reveal that part?! I'll have to tell Harry fast or we'll all suffer slow, torturous death.**_

' _ **Don't look at me like that! It wasn't my idea!' I defended myself before I sprout horns or something. I touched my forehead to make sure she hasn't hexed me yet.**_

' _ **Nuke the world?! You're making me look worse than I really am, Lav, and for God's sake get to the point!' Hermione is looking at me daggers, making me want to go weep in a corner so I hurried on with my story.)**_

The only consolation we have is Harry. We are scared of Hermione but we are terrified of Harry- well, we would be if he's not on our side. Good thing he stands for all things good or else we are all doomed. Hermione could level the world but Harry? He could take on the whole universe! And he won't even die! I suspect he is some kind of Immortal Being born from some sort of cosmic force and all those things Hermione made me watch in the good 'ol days (she made me watch all the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies and may I say that Thor is such a sizzling piece of art, sculpted by the gods above!) before she went cuckoo.

 _ **('Okay, Lavender, stop making Harry out to be some kind of god. He is great, we get it all right?', muttered the insanely hot, er, stinking ferret. That guy is gorgeous with a capital G but I have to compose myself. For all Hermione's temper, she is still my friend and I will NOT imagine her partner kissing me with those yummy, delectable, ravishing lips… Terry! Think of Terry!**_

" _ **Let's not get off topic here. Ms. Brown, please continue your story," said Professor Dumbledore.**_

' _ **Okay, where was I?'**_

' _ **You were describing Thor and I agree that he is handsome but I like Capt. America better…those pecs are just so amazing,' answered Mrs. Granger offhandedly.**_

' _ **Hey! ', protested Mr. Granger. What a cute couple. Who would think that they would spawn the second craziest witch in the planet? Of course, Bellatrix is still number one on the list. That woman is off-the-charts crazy. Scratch that. 'Mione is competitive as hell.**_

' _ **Oh, okay, so we were spying on Hermione…')**_

Poor Harry took it to himself to investigate the Love Potion Incident and the many bad things happening around the school lately. He figured that Hermione must've had a lot to do with it as a form of protest against the whole Marriage law thing. I am half mad at the girl for going crazy at this very moment of our lives. She is ruining the moment. Doesn't she feel at all relieved at having someone cut all corners and tell you outright who you're meant to be with without having to scour heaven and earth for The One yourself? I know she would say that the journey to true love is one of those things we have to experience but what if we journeyed and journeyed but never got there? I don't want to die an old maid.

 _ **('Lavender…the story…' Hermione warned me, gritting her teeth. My God, that thick vein in her forehead is ready to pop…)**_

Anyway, I am covered with Harry's invisibility cloak with Cho Chang. We just relieved Dean and Blaise from their spying duty and they were off to report anything suspicious to Harry on our base of operations: the Room of Requirement.

We spotted Hermione with Luna near the Ravenclaw dorms and they were whispering something we couldn't hear from where we are.

"What do you think they're saying?" asked Cho in a whisper. I wish she wouldn't spray my ear with spittle every time she does that.

"I don't know but we don't have to worry about that. Our Luna won't be involved with anything bad," I said confidently while wiping my ears.

"We should take out the Extendable Ears we bought from George, just in case."

So we took it out but Luna was already finished talking to Hermione and was off to la-la land or wherever she feels like going. My sweet baby has her own world. I smiled fondly. She will be taking over spy duty tomorrow but we should never have enlisted her help because she only ever reports about Nargles and her new muggle fascination: the bicycle. She rides it like a maniac!

 _ **('Luna's a double agent?! Good thing I got her the bike…' mused 'Mione, looking troubled.**_

' _ **Huh? Double agent?' I asked, confused. 'and you shouldn't go giving her bicycles! Poor Cedric. He's having more difficulty chasing her around.'**_

' _ **Oh, nothing, I was just thinking…,' she trailed off, a bit preoccupied.**_

 _ **Huh. Oh, well…)**_

We followed Hermione to one of the most disgustingly hideous room ever and tiptoed silently inside. It was clear that she uses the room often because she had those knitted socks she always makes for the house elves.

"I thought she gave up on SPEW already! We better report this to Harry" whispered Cho, spraying more spittle in my direction. I shoved a mask in her face. She wore it with a chagrined expression, and flipped a finger in my direction. Now, where did she learn that? Does she touch Neville with those nasty fingers? Okay, so I should've shoved it gracefully but, hey, I'm the one getting soaked here!

"I'm so excited. I think we're the first ones to discover this room! We may have a lot of evidence to report here," I said, trying to diffuse the unpleasantness.

Hermione suddenly looked in our direction so we shut up immediately. She shrugged and went back to rummaging that poo-colored office desk and pulled out a notebook. Figures. She is the only one who could study in a room full of dizzying colors that don't go well together.

"I'm getting cross-eyed from this god-forsaken room. What happened here?," I said, dismayed at the state of her private, illegal quarters which is another thing I should be reporting. This must be where she secretly do all the dirty stuff she unleashes on our school on an almost daily basis.

"Apparently, some hag ate the ugliest warthog, an obnoxiously yellow pygmy puff and a dozen mangled pieces of furniture ever created and threw up all over the place," Cho said with disgust. She was looking at a very old orange wooden chest with lace hanging on its sides. What horrible thing would create that?

 _ **('My private lair looks great to me…' mumbled 'Mione.)**_

After about an hour of waiting, 'Mione finally finished writing and went outside with a determined look.

"Uh, oh, trouble's brewing!" Cho almost said aloud, I silenced her with a look. We waited till she turned the corner before speaking.

"Should we take a look at the room?" I asked. It must have a wealth of information as to what she could be up to. Rumor has it that she is building a weapon of mass destruction.

 _ **(Hmm… she didn't even deny it!)**_

"I think we should look later. Let's follow her for now. Did you see her look? I'm telling you she is up to something!" Cho exclaimed, dragging me away from the room.

"She is always up to something." I muttered as I followed after her. This is troublesome. My back is sore from stooping low (the cloak doesn't have much room for two, I wonder how the Golden Trio ever fit in) and I have trouble keeping up. I'm not the fittest girl in this school and Hermione sure walks freakin' fast. This is the second time I've spied on her (Ginny coordinated our shift) and one thing I know is that she is a very busy person, flitting here and there. Last time I heard, she snuck out on a school night, concealed her appearance with a wig (she rocked the straight black hair with side-swept bangs and she, reportedly, looked very beautiful in it; Collin's photographs attested to that) and gorgeous nerd glasses that accented her big, brown eyes. She bought stuff like Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans, Puking Pastilles, Nosebleed Nougats, lots of other stuff that would make you puke your guts out; and delicious candy bars. Those things don't really add up so we kept it under our 'Mione's Suspicious Stuff list and continued observing her from afar. It was just two days ago that Harry begun lending us his precious cloak because, somehow, a lot of things went awry even in our watchfulness and we all feel that 'Mione has to have something to do with it somehow because Malfoy always got stuck in the fray. And 'Mione hates Malfoy. I told them that she must want to kill him very badly but they all told me that I was exaggerating again.

 _ **('You are exaggerating! You always do,' Hermione said guiltily, bullets of sweat dripping off her forehead, looking at her parents furtively.**_

 _ **I smiled condescendingly because I know better, all the while thinking, ' What does a girl have to do to finish her friggin' story?'**_

' _ **It wouldn't be the first time she tried killing me,' Malfoy said, surprisingly calm. Poor boy probably got used to it.**_

 _ **Now, the Mediwitch is scrutinizing him, maybe trying to think of a way to make him out to be a basketcase, too.)**_

After visiting Hagrid (we can't get in because of Fang, dammit!), she went to the Owlery to send a Howler and I would have given anything just to know where she is sending it to.

It was the evening after dinner that things got interesting. She went to Mr. Pockard's office for extra counseling with Malfoy, along with five other problematic couples. Cho and I occupied the back of the office next to Dean and Daphne (they both know we were there and they we're tasked as our look-out and bail-out guys, when necessary. Daphne wasn't supposed to know but Astoria croaked because she is her sister and all those excuses. What a chatterbug. Good thing she wants in on it.)

Anyway, I can see Hermione directly in front of me, sitting uncomfortably with half her butt sitting on air, wanting to scoot as far away from Malfoy as she could possibly get in that tiny loveseat designed for spooning. Mr. Pockard clearly wants to squish them together. Malfoy is sitting as if the chair belonged solely for him, enjoying her discomfort.

"Want to scoot some more, Granger? Just a bit more…," he said tauntingly. What an arse. Beautiful, but straight up evil.

Hermione looked at him fiery-like, if I didn't know any better I would've thought she'd jump him. She muttered a spell that sent Malfoy flying off the seat, into the wall and it just confirmed my suspicions about her wanting to murder him. Then she smirked. A very Malfoy-like smirk!

 _ **('You have very morbid thoughts, Lavender,' Mione said while looking at the Mediwitch, maybe hoping to have her analyze my mental state instead.**_

' _ **No one can copy my trademark smirk!' said the ferret so I smirked a Malfoy-like smirk to show him that anyone can do it.**_

' _ **Are you constipated?' was his freakin' assumption and I was having none of that so I'll just continue on with my story.)**_

Mr. Pockard entered the room full of sniggering students and one really loud snort (I swear it was Cho). Malfoy, red all over, picked himself up and just stood there leaning on the wall with his arms crossed. Mmm… Hot stuff.

 _ **('Er…'**_

' _ **Malfoy, you know you are hot, so don't try to look all modest cause I know you ain't,' I said unabashedly.**_

' _ **Malfoy's not hot, Lav,' said 'Mione. 'Quit drooling over him.'**_

' _ **Ooh, someone's jealous!' exclaimed Mrs. Granger mischievously and I suddenly thought of how she and Hermione are so alike and so different from each other.**_

' _ **No, Jane darling, she clearly doesn't like him, she just wants Ms. Brown here to side with her because they are friends' Mr. Granger was quick to defend their daughter.**_

' _ **Dad's right, mom. You should really listen to him often.' My, my, look at Daddy's girl.**_

 _ **The Headmaster is chuckling quietly to himself, clearly in the same page as Mrs. Granger. Oh, by the way, did I tell you that the Headmaster's skin color is a revolting shade of slimy green? Yup, Hermione's handiwork. He could take it off but I think he likes it and would like to keep it that way for the time being. Clearly, there's another basketcase in the room. He still hasn't found any scissors and his ear-hair is as long as a broomstick now.)**_

So the session started after Mr. Pockard ordered Malfoy to get back to his seat with Hermione or else they'd be glued together for the remainder of the session. He flopped back down and hogged more than half the loveseat so half of Hermione's butt is sitting on air again.

Each couple were told to talk about their day and how they spent it. I could see only one couple doing so but soon they were throwing stuff at each other. I couldn't really get how it's a difficult thing to do. Two couples started shouting at each other, Dean started scratching the wall off its paint and Daphne is curling her hair with her wand while rapping about a rock star getting a show on and getting paid and how all that glitters is gold, which is completely mental. Malfoy and Hermione aren't talking at all. What is wrong with these people? They really do need special sessions. Cho is face palming beside me muttering about how she wouldn't be as stupid as they are being.

It took all of five minutes for Mr. Pockard to start assigning each couple to their own 'chaperones' for separate sessions. He took Malfoy and Hermione to himself because he said that they are the most stubborn ones and would hate to inflict them on the 'chaperones'. Unfortunately for me and Cho, our bail-out guys were sent to another room so we have to be extra careful.

"Alright, let's start again and this time you will talk or I'll make you take some Veritaserum," Mr. Pockard threatened and we could see them stiffening. "Not fond of truth serums, are you? Since you don't seem to know what to say, I'll give you a topic to discuss: What are your hobbies? Not very difficult is it? Now get started."

Mr. Pockard went back to his seat and in all appearance was writing some paperwork but is really eavesdropping.

"Bloody Pockard, I swear I could throw him to the lake." Hermione muttered.

"That could be a great hobby. Throwing Pockard…," Malfoy trailed off, suddenly aware that he just began a conversation. Their eyes met and I swear there is some heat in there but not the hex-your-balls-off kind of heat they're always on about. It's the heart-pounding kind of heat where you wait with great anticipation for the approaching kiss…

"Or I could throw you…" was Hermione's brilliant comeback, breaking the moment. But my mind was on fire and I was thinking that maybe she meant throwing him on a bed somewhere and ravishing him so thoroughly, his mind will crumble to dust and succumb to the all-consuming passion he is feeling for her in his loins…

 _ **('Whoa, whoa! There shouldn't be any talk about my loins!' said Malfoy, aghast. He is an adorable shade of crimson… just like the burning in his loins… hehe..**_

' _ **You thought… you thought that I… me and him… doin' it… oh, Merlin, strangle the girl!…' Hermione should really work on being coherent. I laughed at her stuttering words. Bad, bad, bad!**_

 _ **She threw something at me and I dodged on time for the offending object to whistle past me by a fraction of an inch. I looked at it and thanked the stars for my quick reflex because I wouldn't want a steel-toed boot imprinted on my forehead. And I looked at it again because I was horrified at something else entirely.**_

" _ **You wear steel-toed boots at school?! You freakin' wear that completely unfashionable boots at school, you freakin' stupid girl?! I will get you peep-toe pumps and you better wear it or you will answer to Harry! Freakin' unbelievable! Disgrace to fashion!" I screamed at her. "That freakin' distasteful room was one thing but THIS?!… This is just so maddening!"**_

" _ **Oh, sure she gets angry at that, completely ignoring the fact that a boot was just thrown in her direction," said an amused Mrs. Granger.**_

 _ **Mr. Granger is on my side yelling, "Go, girl, preach!" We all stared at him. "What? You should go take a look at her bedroom!"**_

 _ **Hermione is looking at her feet, trying to understand what's wrong with wearing steel-toed boots. It's enough to make me cry with a broken heart.**_

" _ **Ms. Brown, please focus," said the Mediwitch frowning at Dumbledore who is now laughing so hard. The Headmaster is wearing the same brand of ugly boots.**_

 _ **I took a deep breath and started talking again before I give her a complete make-over right here, right now…)**_

"Believe me, you don't stand a chance when it comes to hand to hand combat with me," said a cocky Malfoy, head held high. Oh, that jaw line is magnificent!

"Believe you me, I could beat you anytime even without wands," challenged Hermione. "I don't believe you know squat when it comes to hand to hand combat."

"Then you don't know me at all," he sniffed. I think he's bluffing.

"I bet you fight like a girl."

"And I bet you fight exactly like a girl. Tell me, is your fighting style pulling out hairs?"

"I bet you'll cry when I do that to you. ' _Mommy! I want my Mommy!_ '" she mock-wailed in a high-pitched voice.

They fight like toddlers, believe you me.

"Enough! I said talk about your hobbies!" Mr. Pockard interfered, slamming the table. "I don't think you should do it all angry."

"Then shall we call it a day?" asked Malfoy hopefully.

"You wish. No, I have a solution." He went towards the cupboard and took out two vials of clear liquid.

"Hey! Don't give us Veritaserum! We talked, didn't we?" said Hermione, freaking out. She and Malfoy were ready to bolt out of the room but Mr. Pockard locked the door with a flick of a wand. Crap, we're trapped with them.

"This isn't Veritaserum, my duckies. This is a Happy Potion. I think that you always have negative communications because you associate anger with each other. Well, this might help you communicate in a much more relaxed condition."

They both exhaled in relief but was still wary when they took it. At first they were their usual angry self but then suddenly they both started laughing.

"Look at Pockard's mole! It looks like Millicent's bunched up armpit hair!" Hermione shrieked with delight.

"And look at his shiny head! I could use it as a mirror!" Malfoy joined in.

Cho and I are having a hard time suppressing our giggles when they continued to make fun of Mr. Pockard. When they started asking him if his mother resembled Umbridge who married Kermit the frog, he grumpily reminded them that they are supposed to talk about their hobbies.

"Oh, I knit socks. I'm going to give them as presents to my friends this Christmas!" Hermione said happily. Cho and I looked at each other, blood drained from our bodies. The horrible socks we thought was for the house elves were actually for us…

 _ **(Everyone laughed loudly while Hermione looked miffed. I should really stuff my mouth with poisoned doxies. Now I am hurting her feelings and no amount of imagination would ever begin to describe what she would do to me later. I cringed.)**_

"That's so thoughtful! I like carving egg shells. I have a whole collection of it," said Malfoy proudly.

 _ **(Hermione laughed loudly at this. She stopped when nobody else laughed.**_

' _ **It's a legitimate form of art, Granger. What is wrong with you?' asked Malfoy, bewildered at her reaction.**_

 _ **She promptly went back to sulking.)**_

"I also like doing extreme sports during the summer. Paragliding, sky diving… although I started bungee jumping first to conquer my fear of heights. By the time we rode a dragon to escape from Gringgots, I wasn't paralyzed by fear anymore even though, it's a bit nauseating because, man, a dragon makes a bumpy ride!", Hermione said while running around the room with her arms spread wide. She almost stepped on the cloak! Cho and I moved at a safer position.

"That's so cool! I only ever rode a broomstick. During the summer, I travel around the world with my parents. Last summer I was permitted to travel alone. I've already been to most of Europe, a few Asian countries, New York and Australia! I will never stop travelling until I've been to every single country in the world!" said Malfoy optimistically while hopping up and down the loveseat. He should really be careful or *CRASH* or that will happen.

Malfoy lay spread-eagled on the floor. When he lifted his head, he was laughing wildly… three of his teeth missing. Oh, Merlin's beard! That's just precious!

"Oh, dear, there's blood all over your mouth! They look like melted strawberry popsicles, but redder!" laughed Hermione. "I'm going to tell you a secret," she whispered to him. "I asked Charlie for dragons as a present to you but he told me to stuff it!" she laughed. "I had a whole list of things to get you on my notebook but I bet you, you'd never like it a single bit!"

Cho and I were horrified at this revelation.

"The notebook she was writing on earlier, it isn't her homework, is it?" I asked.

"No, it isn't. We have to get back there," she said seriously.

Mr. Pockard, who was actually doing some paperwork, looked at his wards and almost fainted at the sight of blood. He gave them the antidote to the potion and sent Malfoy to the infirmary, effectively dismissing the session.

We saw 'Mione rubbing her jaw, muttering, "What is wrong with that potion! … almost cracked my jaw from smiling too much…" We made sure that she went her way to the Gryffindor dorms before we took off towards her private lair. We took off Harry's cloak and went for the notebook.

It was still lying open on top of her desk and our eyes almost bugged out from their sockets when we saw what she has written in lovely calligraphy:

"How to Kill Malfoy 'Accidentally' Master Plan (or How to Injure Malfoy Enough to Make Him Ineligible for The Marriage Law Partnering Program) - Title Under Deliberation."

We didn't waste any time and told the gang to meet us at the headquarters.

We know Hermione pretty well so we levitated the journal and avoided reading more before it activates any spell that would blast us off.

The gang was already assembled at the Room of Requirement but even Harry cannot figure out how to get past the journal's security spells so he sent me to you.

"And here we are. I didn't know that you'll just touch and read it without screening it first, I guess I should've warned you. Sorry about that." I said ruefully. The Headmaster nodded graciously so I continued, "Cho took the liberty of contacting a psycho-witch specialist and Harry called Hermione's parents." I finished. Finally, I was able to take a breath. I make a great story-teller!

The room was silent.

Then…

"HOW TO KILL MALFOY!?", bellowed Mr. & Mrs. Granger, Malfoy and the Mediwitch altogether.

She's so busted.

So why am I the one sweating and stepping slowly backwards?

Hermione is looking at me, her face a mask of serenity. No, nope! That's not serenity. That's the look of a killer, silently contemplating how best to make a human tomato salad with freakin' fries on the side!

If there is a hell, it sure is not a place. It's a person.

I bolted.

( _to be continued…_ )


	10. The Sentence

**Hermione's POV**

While Lavender is busy running around, panicking near the door (she is frantically banging it with her fists, completely ignoring the door knob), I am contemplating ways on how to get out of this mess.

Option#1: Draw my wand from my waist pocket and Obliviate them all. Shame, Dumbledore is here or I would've done it by now. It would not be prudent to rouse his wrath knowing that he could move faster than his age would normally allow. He is clearly weighing the situation, his instincts on high alert, while pretending to tie his boots.(There is something sticking out of it and I know his wand is placed at the back of his…wait, are those…? Merlin save my soul, he has the same boots I do!) Besides, my parents would be really pissed if I wiped their memories a second time. Especially my mom, witch or no, she'll find a way to make me pay. Where do you think I get my vengeful nature?

Option#2: Punch Lavender in the face. She has got to stop with all the racket she's making! She's screaming, _"Let me out! Let me out! She's gonna kill me, let me out!"_ I'm not gonna kill her right now (too many witnesses!) , I'm too smart for that, besides, I'm in too much trouble now as it is and I won't risk expulsion. But I might change my mind if she didn't let up. I'm this close to hexing her teeth purple!

Option#3: Plead my innocence unless proven guilty. Yeah, right. Except they have a very strong evidence, thereby proving me guilty. I really need to develop an ink that can only be read by the author. Ugh, another project. I'm busy enough as it is! I'm not even 0.00007% done with my time machine… Dang time-turner can only go back a few weeks or so… I need to go back at least a few years…

Option#4: Umm… uh-oh…

I'm out of ideas! THE Hermione Granger is out of ideas! This rarely ever happens to me!

"Ms. Granger, care to explain the contents of your journal?" asked Dumbledore while the Mediwitch (which I now know as the shrink Cho got me, remind me to thank her) is busy trimming his ear hair.

"Wait… before that, I want to know what's the deal with these things you call 'couple sessions'? Did my daughter get married or something?" asked my dad jokingly with a hint of uncertainty.

"Erm, dad, there is something I should probably tell you…" I started, feeling a bit guilty.

"You didn't tell them?" asked Malfoy, in disbelief. Then he smiled widely, "Oh-ho-ho, this is gonna be good!"

Why would I tell them? Did he tell his parents? Why would he do that? Doesn't he know? We hate each other!

"You told your parents?!" I asked him in alarm.

"Well, yeah, it's all over the news anyway," he said and shrugged casually.

"Did you tell them that it's me?! That I'm your… your…" I can't say the words out loud. I might have stroke.

"Yeah, I did. They were cool about it. Actually, my mom is dying to see you," he said a bit weirded out.

"She's not actually gonna kill me, is she? When you said dying to see me… Merlin, she is going to kill me, isn't she?! Why did you tell them, you stupid stinking ferret?! Mom, dad, pack up and go back to Australia! I'll handle the Malfoys. No matter what happens, know that I love you. Damn it! I'm gonna take care of Malfoy Jr. here first…" I aimed my wand at him. I could see him drawing his wand from his pocket- an automatic response to danger.

"Expelliarmus!" Malfoy uttered the word so fast and sent my wand flying in his direction. The Headmaster, the mediwitch and Lavender stood in unison, wands at the ready, prepared to intervene if necessary.

That didn't stop me from charging. I will have to give him the worst beating by hand if I have to.

Somebody grabbed me from behind to stop me. I applied what I learned from judo and threw him on the floor. It gave me pause, however, when I realized that it was my father on the ground.

"Oh, I'm so, so sorry! I didn't know it was you, dad!" I exclaimed worriedly while helping him to his feet.

"I shouldn't have made you take that class! My hips hurt! Young lady, you are so grounded! "

"That was a mean throw, Hermione! I am so proud of you! See, Steve, she can take care of herself," my mom beamed, not at all bothered by the commotion.

I glared at Malfoy for making me throw my dad. He was holding my wand prisoner in his pocket and was gesturing with his hands in a placating manner.

"My mom and dad would really want to meet you. They want to know you, in a very friendly, non-hostile manner, okay? We fought alongside the Order of the Phoenix, remember? It means, they are making a great effort to accept that we are all equal, pureblood or no," he explained slowly. "They are even getting on with the other Order members!"

I scrutinized him and I think he is very… earnest. Odd. I was surprised and, maybe, my heart skipped a beat, you know, a little. But there must be some mistake. I get this feeling that everything is upside down. Are we living in another universe?

"Right," I said skeptically, still refusing to believe.

Malfoy gave up trying to explain and handed me my wand back when I calmed down.

I went back to my seat and saw my parents thinking hard about something while looking at me curiously.

"What is it Hermione Jean Granger? What aren't you telling us?" asked my mom, prepared for the worst. Crap, she used my full name. This is serious stuff!

"Don't tell me you really got married! Is this him?!" my dad asked pointing at Malfoy. "Did you get my child pregnant?!" It's Malfoy's turn to squirm in his seat, ha!

"Mr. Granger, let's not jump to conclusions. Please let your daughter explain", the Headmaster said. "And while she's at it, she should also explain why she didn't tell you sooner." He said sternly.

It's like I am in those shows where the criminal is put on the spotlight, with the jury and a hundred other prosecutors asking you questions that are very hard to answer. Luckily for me, I'm brilliant. I stuck my chin out defiantly and answered in a dignified manner.

"I, uhm, you know when I went back to school? Yeah it was perfect, but , er, something, went very badly and I didn't tell you because I… I thought I could stop it? But, then, I, uhm… it turns out I was too late and the law was passed and, erm, I promise I protested very hard, but, uh, it didn't go very well either so I'm, like, stuck forever with a ferret and I can guarantee three babies coming out of this body or I'd die from so much revulsion, whichever comes first… So, yeah… Sorry. But I am still trying very hard to stop it so it probably won't come to that."

I'm never so mortified in all my life. So much for being smart. I can already see the front page: "Hermione Granger, the brain behind Dumbledore's Army, can't answer a simple question!" Cameras clicking all around while I bow my head in shame, walking towards Idiotsville.

My mom and dad are looking thoroughly confused and their eyes are busy blinking, trying very hard to understand what I said. Lavender, who's exhausted from panicking and from the tension earlier, is now sitting on the floor next to the door (she still didn't notice that humungous door knob) was rolling her eyes at me but was very tired to say anything snarky. Malfoy is trying to stifle his laughter so I glared at him. He just laughed even more!

"Okay… Ms. Granger, if you'd let me…" Professor Dumbledore offered. I nodded so he explained it to them instead. My mom and dad are seriously listening to his explanation about the Marriage law and my efforts to put a stop to it. I am stewing in my seat, palms slapped in my face from so much embarrassment because the Headmaster likes embellishing things to the story. The mediwitch will do me a lot of favor if she just pull his ear hair hard… his brains along with it.

"Huh…" my dad was still processing the situation at hand after the Headmaster finished. My mom on the other hand…

"Did you just plan to make soldiers of your own to take down the ministry?! Did you turn the Minister of Magic into a frog?! My, God, Hermione! Whatever happened to your promise about behaving at school?! We give you so much freedom during the holidays! You are so grounded missy!" She was almost shouting at me, her face reddening from suppressed anger. Honestly, is that all she got out of the story?! Wait…

"Mom, I did none of those things. The Headmaster just likes to get me into trouble!" I protested loudly, glaring at the old bat for taking so much liberty in adding fallacies to the story. "And didn't you hear? I am arranged to be married to a freakin' Malfoy! They want us to have three babies, mom!"

"Hey!" the ferret felt insulted. "I'm sitting right here!"

"Oh, I am not the least bit worried about that part. Actually I like the law and you should abide by it, girl or you're never gonna get a place of your own. I swear we'll keep you forever." She threatened. "And Malfoy sounds like a good name," she mused as an afterthought. I snorted. If only she knew…

"What?! Now, wait just a minute, Jane," my dad protested, glaring at my mom. Yay, go dad! "Our only daughter is set up with someone she clearly dislikes. There must be some mistake!"

"Hey!" shouted the ferret again.

"But, honey, whenever are we gonna get the opportunity to send her off like that? Her ambition is to grow an old a maid, for crying out loud! If we gave her a choice, she would never marry! And you know how she dislikes kids? Yeah, we might not have grandkids if you continue taking her side! Three is perfect, honey… but I was hoping for more, actually… Oh, grandkids, I can't wait! We could start remodeling the house for when they visit. I am so excited!"

"Don't honey me, Jane, its not gonna work. If she's so against marriage, then why does Jake hang around the house so much? If it isn't true love, then I don't know what is!" my dad responded. Oh, my God. I forgot about Jake again…

"Oh, you're so naïve when it comes to your daughter, Steve. She just kept him around for the summer. Remember the other guy she dated two years back? She forgot to break up with him too when the school days begun. It took a month for him to get that Hermione had never meant to call or contact him at all. Poor kid, I had to make his favorite cocoa drink for him to calm down."

"But Jake is still hanging around, asking about our daughter! She must've had wrote him a letter at least because it's already been a couple of months!"

They looked at me for answers.

"Uh, I forgot about him once I went to the Burrow for the remainder of the summer, sorry." Not sorry. At all. He was a bad kisser. Too much tongue. Handsome as hell, though.

"You see, Steven? And Jean, stop making me the break-up guy! I don't like cleaning after your mess," my mom told me sternly so I nodded half-heartedly. It isn't my fault that they are so forgettable.

"Well, I still don't like it. If she wants to marry at all, and marry you will, young lady or else I'll never bake your favorite blueberry pies again, it should be with someone she really loves. Anyway, I tentatively welcome you, Maffy, to our family. You've got nice hair, is it gel?" my father defended me then threatened me then welcomed Maffy (as per his words, hee hee) all at the same time. I don't really know what to feel at the moment.

"Thank you, Mr. Granger. And my hair is naturally like this." A smug Maffy said. Oh, sure. When he tells his parents, well, despite what he said, they'd still probably want me dead. But when I tell my parents, he gets a welcome? No matter how tentative it is, that is just unacceptable!

"Er… stop having a moment with my dad!" I protested as my dad keeps telling him how much he approves of his looks while he is pretending to be modest about it.

"Alright, if you could calm down a bit, I would really want to ask your daughter about her journal…" said the Mediwitch. Oh, crap. I'm sweating again.

"Why don't you read it to us, honey. It seems like there is some kind of bad juju affecting those unauthorized to read it."

"But, mom!" I whined. It's just a stupid journal but I am reluctant, nay, loathe to divulge its contents lest the Mediwitch (who, upon closer look, resembles a lizard, hard to imagine, I know) declare me bereft of my sanity when in all actuality, is just a beautiful prose of pure ranting.

"Get reading, honey. Why are you so afraid anyway? It's not like it's all that bad, is it? There's no plan to take down the government, is there?" my mom asked uncertainly.

"Of course not." Or is there? I hope I didn't write my very detailed plan on how to take on the Ministry on this journal. I looked at Dumbledore's hands, where my journal resides and sighed in relief. Its not the same notebook.

"Then Hermione Jean Granger, read the journal. The sooner you get going, the sooner we could sort whatever the misunderstandings are. And the sooner we could plan for your wedding, you don't know how much time and effort it takes to make the perfect wedding!"

"Mom…!" I swear I'd move mountains before I let her plan any weddings. She gets too carried away!

"And don't edit, Ms. Granger. Remember I read it, too. I have a great memory so I'll know if you're lying," added Dumbledore.

It seems like I don't have any choice. He handed me the journal and I began reading.

" _Title Under Deliberation_ " I started.

"Ehem…" Professor Dumbledore looked at me in warning.

"Oh, alright… _How to Kill Malfoy 'Accidentally' Master Plan (or How to Injure Malfoy Enough to Make Him Ineligible for The Marriage Law Partnering Program) - Title Under Deliberation._ Satisfied?" He nodded so I continued.

" _I'm getting desperate. Phase one and two failed. If I don't think fast, I would have no choice but to obey the law and I'm not about to give up just yet. There must be something! Maybe I'm not thinking hard enough. Such a waste of my talents. I have to come up with a more drastic plan."_

"What is Phase One and Phase Two?" asked Malfoy.

"None of your business, ferret." I said flatly. I was about to continue recounting the journey that led me to formulate my brilliant plan (had I not been caught), when…

"Phase One was the protest. Remember being dragged to her Anti-Marriage Law demonstration?" Lavender butt in. She can't shut up, can she?

"Oh, that one… Heh, it didn't go very well, did it?" Malfoy smirked. "I knew it wouldn't work." Isn't he a smug bastard?

"Okay… at least the first one isn't harmless…" my mom mused, "What's Phase Two?"

Uh-oh…

"She wanted us to form a rebellion and take over the Ministry. She even planned to have the Minister assassinated so she could replace him! Good thing we stopped …" I hexed Lavender with a silencing spell before she could give any more details. She glared at me while working on the counterspell.

"For the nth time, Lavender, I didn't plan any assassinations!"

"Oh, dear… Did we raise a savage?" asked my mom, tearfully.

"No, no, my love. We raised her proper, we did. We can't help it if stubbornness and rebelliousness basically runs in the family. Your genes in particular..." My mom elbowed him in the ribs.

"Okay, if everybody could just stop butting in, I would really like to get this over with," I glared at everyone in the room. When nobody volunteered to talk, I continued reading. " _I have to come up with a more drastic plan. I could study Wizarding Law. I'd be Head of the Wizengamot in no time, given my abilities_ ", Malfoy coughed snidely, I shut him up with a look and read on, " _but it would still take years and I don't have that luxury. By then I'd be married and given birth to babies,"_

"Ehem…" The headmaster is looking at me knowingly, with his stern eyebrows raised.

"Oh, do you really want them to hear it?" I asked him bewildered.

"I said, read everything, Ms. Granger."

"Oh, alright," I said, miffed. " _By then, I'd be married to a horrible excuse for a human being, an arrogant, pumpkin headed slimy slug, whose handsome features are the only things going on for him,"_ I saw Malfoy puffing his chest proudly and my parents whispering about how there is a chance since I think Malfoy pretty. They didn't even hear the first part! I continued reading in a louder voice, " _and I'd be spawning the prettiest babies but, you know I hate kids and they'd be a mutated, more evil version of us, so I have to move on another plan. Option #2: I'd give up the magical community in favor of hiding_ _in Muggleland forever. I have a lot of practice being one anyway. But… do I really want to set myself on exile like that? That would be like solving the problem for Malfoy. He'd have a field day when he learned that I upped and fled and not only did he get to dodge the law, he'd also gotten rid of me so easily just like that without having to do anything at all. I refuse to give him a chance by handing it to him in a silver platter. Besides, I love magic._ "

Lavender sighed in relief. "Good thing you decided against that idea or we would be losing a brilliant witch. Crazy or no, we have to breed out your intelligence." She has a way of complimenting me in the worst ways. I almost hexed her into silence again.

"You'd actually think to go as far as to exile yourself from the magical community just to avoid getting married to me?" Malfoy asked a little bit hurt. I don't know why my chest tightened at the sight. Must be heart burn.

"Well, I didn't do it, did I?" I said impatiently. Like hell would I be in hiding from the community that regards me as the brightest witch of our generation " _Here's another idea I got the last time my friends dumped me at the Headmaster's office: Azkaban. Maybe I should reconsider going to Azkaban.. but , wait, that would make me suffer. Hmm, I'll do it if Malfoy suffers the same fate. But I'm sure that he'd do anything to save his arse from anything that would ruin his hair and I for one doesn't really fancy living in a cold damp and miserable cell… why, I don't think they have libraries there, do they?"_

"She is a fascinating witch, Albus. Whoever thinks of that as a solution? And libraries? Haha!" the mediwitch laughed while Malfoy continued looking sadder. Did his pet die or what? The pain in my chest is intensifying. I should consult Madam Pomfrey later.

" _Am I really running out of options? Think, Hermione, think! Marriage is a big thing!_ _Do I really want to marry Malfoy? Ugh! I'd rather die! Suicide, then."_

I heard gasps all around. I rolled my eyes. I'm still alive aren't I? And why are they taking this seriously? Its just a freaking journal for Pete's sake!

" _I think Malfoy and I would swear that we'd rather die than be tied to one another forever without a divorce to turn to. Still , he's a Slytherin and they are known for their self-preservation. I am a Gryffindor, known for bravery and all that sodding crap. Sometimes I hate being strong in times like this. I usually face things head-on. Preferably demolishing the Wizengamot head-on…"_

"Aha!" cried Lavender.

I ignored her and continued, _"… But do I really want to die? Should I throw my life away just to escape something I still have a chance to stop?..."_

"You can't stop it anymore or haven't you been paying attention? The law was already passed!" said Malfoy, rolling his eyes, which makes him look ridiculous.

"Nothing is impossible with wits like mine, Maffy," I said a bit arrogantly and went on where I left off, "… _Besides, I still have a whole lot of list to achieve before I die. I cannot abandon SPEW and I still haven't finished watching Arrow's season 4! I have great friends to do stuff with, too. Harry and Ron will be disappointed to know that their sworn blood-sister killed herself and, probably, haunt my grave. My parents would definitely grieve. I swear I'd be brave and marry the git if all else fails and, well, killing myself is, after debating intensely with my conscience, goes against my moral compass and that moral compass even allows my conscience to kill Malfoy. Shame, the disgusting dungbombs didn't do him in. Hmm… I'm not yet out of options. I could still, 'accidentally ' kill him… Could I, though? Yeah, I could! He didn't even do something against the Law and left all the dirty work to me! I mean, with all the money he probably has, (he doesn't have any qualms flaunting it) he could bribe the ministry to abolish the law, even hinder it from being passed! While he's sitting there, all calm and cocky, I am the one to have to think a way out of this!"_

"You were feeling suicidal?" asked the Mediwitch gravely.

"Hey, I wouldn't be smart if I didn't consider all options, right? Anyway, I dismissed it and everything I've written were just pure angst-ridden thoughts that just wouldn't leave me alone and I needed to have an outlet. I never talked about it with my friends because, well, you know what happened last time after I consulted them about my pla-, er, ideas. They ratted me out and I haven't done anything yet!" I wasn't sure if I was explaining myself to get out of the possibility of being admitted to an institution, or because my parents are here, or because Dumbledore kept looking at me with those discerning eyes, or, and I hate to admit this to myself, or because Malfoy seemed despondent because of the journal that I have to read in front of his face. Conscience sucks. I feel guilty for having bad thoughts about him, ass-hat or not, then read it loudly for everyone to hear.

"Please continue, Ms. Granger," the Headmaster said somberly.

"Can we stop here?" I asked, feeling uncomfortable. I honestly want to stop.

"Continue."

The journal felt like lead in my arms as I read. " _Kill Malfoy 'Accidentally' Master Plan: 1. Push him in the lake and let the Giant Squid do the rest. Did a trial run with Goyle as the subject. I didn't intend to kill him so I protected him with a spell. The result was disappointing. Turns out, the Squid is tame and Goyle is a great swimmer: biggest shock of the day!_

 _I did it anyway. Pushed ferret in the lake, hoping he would drown if the squid is stupid enough to forgo breakfast sent to him by an anonymous donor; or just get him soaked and piss him off to death. Perfect crime. Finger prints will be washed away by the water, no use of magic so it cannot be traced to me. Even the victim didn't know who done it since he was so busy looking at his reflection by the lake to notice and no one was around that time. (I borrowed Harry's cloak). Just didn't account for the Squid to actually rescue his food when he was just waist-deep(I have a feeling it didn't like soggy albino Malfoys for dessert)!..."_

"That was you? " asked Malfoy angrily. "You messed my expensive leather Valentino shoes!"

"Glad you're marrying someone whose got taste for fashion. Please tell her the difference between women's and men's wear, Maffy," Lavender said, frustrated about something in my blouse. That coming from girl who wears… okay she dresses fine. But she doesn't need to criticize my fashion choices!

 _"2. Lure him to a deserted place to discover a trove of heavenly sweets (spiked with Puking Pastilles-the liquid edition, Nosebleed Nougat toppings and U-No-Poo potion) enticing him to eat large portions of it. Didn't work either. He only got sent to the infirmary and was out and about the next day looking healthy. He got to ditch classes, too. Worse- he's got a valid excuse."_

"No wonder those candies tasted weird!" exclaimed the ferret.

"I look forward to the day when she lures you to a deserted place for a very different reason…" Lavender said, her eyes unfocused. I hope she isn't imagining what I'm thinking she's imagining! My mom and the mediwitch are imagining it, too! Treason!

My dad coughed loudly, going red in the face. Everyone started and focused again on me, a bit shame-faced. Except for Lavender. Girl's got no shame.

"Okay, weirdoes…" I mumbled, then continued, "3. _Contact Charlie Weasley from Romania and borrow the most heinous dragon he could ever find._

 _So, full of hope, I asked a dear friend in a very convincing manner the benefits of sending a dragon after ferrets. He sent me a letter explaining in detail the impossibility of my request and a long list of why I should go get myself checked out for psychopathy._

 _I will send him a Howler- pronto_ …"

"Mystery solved!" Lavender exclaimed. She was itching to know about the Howler.

" _4._ _Unleash Hagrid's Blast-Ended Skrewts at him."_

"That explains your trip to Hagrid's yesterday!" Lavender connected the dots excitedly. Yes, yes, very good.

"What's a blast-ended skrewt? It sounds dangerous!" asked my mom.

"Mom, its a harmless, cute little thing that looks like an adorable bunny." I lied, but my palms are sweating.

"An adorable bunny, my ass," muttered Malfoy, disgusted.

"Did he let you 'borrow' those blasted creatures?" asked the mediwitch, horrified.

 _"_ No, he didn't have any to lend, anyhow. They all killed themselves, fighting for living space. Of all the rotten luck…" And before my parents ask anymore of those creatures, I read hurriedly on _, "I don't have Masterplan#5 and I probably won't ever because I have another problem altogether: Peeves just sang like a canary, busting me out about the Dungbomb Incident. Apparently, the abandoned hallway where Malfoy got gloriously smacked by a giant ball of pure evil, still stink like a_ _shit house door on a tuna boat_. _The Bloody Baron got him to talk. Operation Kill Malfoy "Accidentally" is a no-go. Now, I have to invent an explanation to get me out of this mess. Merlin's humongous wart, I'm dead._ "

Okay, so I should probably never have jotted down my evil plans because the last paragraph incriminates me further. I should really stop giving out proofs! But then, Peeves already ratted me out so it's not wholly my fault I got discovered. Lesson: Never trust a poltergeist ever again.

"So… You have been in quite a lot of trouble lately, Ms. Granger. I wonder how many more of those you are involved in. Have you, perhaps, been involved in the Love Potion Incident?" asked Dumbledore with eyes gleaming.

"No." I lied resolutely. I should never admit to any more mischief. I am in more trouble than all of my friends have been in combined. Sans Harry, Ron and Neville. They are in another whole lot of level. Respect.

"Aha! I knew it!" cackled the Headmaster triumphantly, not at all listening to me. "Did you slip that poo-flavored bean on my candy box?"

"No!"

"Splendid! Keep talking! Did you slip the U-No-Poo potion in the Minister's tea?"

"No!"

"Excellent! Though, maybe it wasn't entirely your fault seeing as I, also, put a little something in his tea that night. You see, he just cost me a new pair of Victoria Secret's socks!"

"Er…"

"Did you tell Grawp to build a massive boat?"

"What? No!"

"Hermione, c'mmon, we all know you did it. Thanks for confessing your crimes and now to deliberate!" Dumbledore is stroking his beard in a scholarly fashion while he and the mediwitch contemplate my sentence.

They were talking quite loudly and we could hear them debating the nature of my punishment and whether my mental state is troubled enough to warrant a visit to the shrink. There was a terrible silence on my end, my parents are listening unabashedly and soon were included in the process. Malfoy was sulking in a corner, avoiding my eyes and Lavender was impatiently stamping her foot, no doubt eager to tell what happened here in the office.

Then came the most anticipated fake cough in the history of mankind.

"Ehem. Hermione Granger, there is no fitting punishment for your actions but one. We cannot expel such a marvelously brilliant witch who contributed largely during the War and a Protector to the Boy-Who-Lived..."

Damn straight.

"...We cannot imprison a witch that hasn't really acted upon her treasonous thoughts. After a lot of thought, we think that the journal indicates that you didn't really mean to kill Mr. Malfoy because a brilliant witch like you could have utilized every murder plans available in textbooks but you didn't. What you did to Mr. Malfoy were just pranks and you know that the people responsible for the dangerous animals you wanted to borrow were good people who won't let you use them for bad purposes. You never really meant to damage him permanently, you just want to take out your frustrations on him and, in some cases, your friends and the entire school, which we don't condone. You said, you needed an outlet. We hope you use a more creative outlet than destructive ones..."

What? I did want to kill Malfoy, why, that would solve all my problems! These psycho-analyzing crap sure is phony. Was I,... was I really just angry at the ministry? Hmm, maybe I was taking it out on the wrong people. Should I apologize? Gosh, that's gonna be so darn hard. Maybe I should practice cause saying sorry to my worst enemy will make me gag. Maybe I shouldn't do anything...

"...First punishment: detention. From hereon out, your sentence is to clean the Slytherin Quidditch locker room every Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8:00pm for two months without magic. Be glad that I didn't assign it as an everyday task as I was informed about your Monday/Wednesday/Friday arrangement with Mr. Pockard for extra sessions. That would, hopefully, keep you busy and prevent you from enacting more of your vengeful pranks."

I can't believe I got off easy! I was about to dance in a very embarrassing way when the diabolical Headmaster and the grinning mediwitch looked at me, predator-like, making my stomach sink. There's more.

"That punishment is for every other shameful actions you've committed in the past month that you got away with. Your real punishment, however, is going to be dealt with by the Chaperones. We really want to help you come to terms with the Law and learn to accept it- the hard way. We realized, the only reason you've been acting up is because you have a hard time accepting the Marriage Law. If you could just try and give it the benefit of the doubt, we are sure that you will accept it eventually and even be happy."

Suddenly, the world was sinking under me. I didn't know I was screaming 'no!' until my dad touched my head in a comforting manner. This is the worst punishment they could ever come up with! And they know it, too, based on their knowing glances.

Chaperones. My life is ending!

I turned my back on them and marched away. I'm sure my parents will be escorted safely home, Dumbledore will make sure of that. I need to get away and calm myself- after crying and wailing a great deal. And I can't stomach their faces right now. I can't believe my parents agree with this.

I descended from the spiral staircase and stepped outside.

Just like the first time they got me into trouble with the Headmaster, my friends (the full extended circle) are anxiously waiting for me outside. But they are totally prepared this time. They are mounted on their brooms, hovering a meter off the ground, each with different kinds of devices to shield themselves in case I went nuts and hex them again. Brilliant. Freaking brilliant. I cursed under my breath. I would have to play this a different way then.

I marched right past them and went to my room. That would've had a dramatic effect if only the bloody dorms are right in front of me and if there is a door to slam. But no~. I have to freaking stomp through a dimly lit hallway, climb five bloody staircases and go through the blasted portrait hole, which, by the way automatically shuts itself, all the while being bombarded by my traitorous friends with worried questions about my well-being. It doesn't help that all the questions seems to be an indirect insult to my mental welfare. I walked angrily all the torturous way to my private, not-so-secret anymore, lair while they are flying effortlessly around me like moths to a flame. But the angry flame couldn't very well burn them when they're so freaking well-shielded! So I just tuned them off and focused on my turbulent thoughts.

Today, tonight, whichever hour it is now, I will just wallow in self-pity and all the miserableness of life.

… Then prepare myself for battle.

Game on, bitches.


	11. To Ditch or Not to Ditch

I placed a Silencing charm around my lair so my friends, who were standing vigil by my door (why won't they go away?), wouldn't hear me screaming and kicking and shattering things. I must've made a mistake invoking the spell, however, when ten minutes into my tantrum, my friends came bursting through the door (breaking my locking spell and the door with it) telling me to keep it down because the castle woke up, thinking we were under attack.

Mistake after mistake. I can't get anything right anymore! I mean, how hard is it to invoke a silencing spell? How hard is it to keep a private lair secret? How hard is it to shove that incriminating journal down the drain so that my nosy friends won't discover it? The Hermione Granger doesn't make those kinds of stupid mistakes! Do I really need a War just to keep my wits sharp?

For the first time in my life, I cried in front of everybody shamelessly. It went on and on until I'm not only crying about what happened tonight, but also about a lot of things I kept bottled up inside. I didn't know I still had something to cry about the War that made me the miserable wreck I am right now, curse Voldy, but I felt so relieved to have gotten it out of my system. Harry and Ron were holding me and the rest comforted me silently, tapping my shoulders briefly or taking my hand in theirs. They were silent and I savored the peace. This month had been so full of chaos, thanks to me, and this small reprieve gave me rest. I thought that I'd be irritated with all of them here, witnessing my moment of weakness but they actually made me feel better. Well, it's hard to feel so alone when they are sitting right there commiserating with me.

When I calmed down, everyone were gauging my mood somberly, no doubt thinking about when best to start talking.

I'm kind of curious about what they had in mind. Will they scold me? Or will they apologize- they do have a lot to apologize for. But then, so do I.

Ron was the first one to talk, "'Mione, please never cry again. You look absolutely horrible with all the snot dripping from your nose."

Despite myself, I laughed. The tension broke and everyone started laughing. Typical Ron. I flipped him a finger and Ginny threw a shoe in his direction.

"Prick!" Ginny reprimanded him even while laughing herself.

Ron conjured a pillow and threw it at her but missed. He got me instead. Everyone fell silent again as if appraising my mood.

"Oh, please. I'm through with the crying jig and any more drama would seriously make me throw myself off a cliff," I said a bit irritably and threw the pillow back at him but it went wide and got Dean instead. Honestly! I've got the most accurate aim in history.

"Oh, no, you didn't just…" Dean trailed off and suddenly grinned evilly in my direction. He conjured a larger pillow.

Uh-oh.

Before I could register what's going on, everyone conjured pillows of different sizes (and weight, Neville keeps throwing it my way, geesh, that guy can really hold a grudge) and we were on a full-on pillow fight.

Collin and Padma were side by side, holding sword-shaped pillows, swinging it wildly, knocking Parvati, Cedric and Astoria simultaneously. They are on cosplay mode again, and this time, they are rocking gladiator outfits… or rags- it really depends on the angle. Terry and Harry charged at them with crossbow pillows that shoot heavy pillow arrows. Luna is hiding in a closet, targeting everyone with a pillow gun. Cho Chang is acting very protective again as she shields Neville with her body while reaching for stray pillows and throwing it at anyone single-handedly. She didn't see Dean crawling from behind with a large pillow which he used to pound Neville repeatedly. McLaggen (why is he here?) is looking at the mirror, bored , while Lavender, Ginny and Blaise pretended to be knocked out cold.

I found myself laughing, genuinely having a good time. I know what they're doing. They're trying so hard to make me forget about what happened earlier and they want to cheer me up. And it's working.

After a pillow missile hit me square in the face, I dropped dead, completing it with a theatrical gasp. Ginny was lying next to me and wordlessly held my hand. We shared a brief meaningful look, loaded with unspoken words that I strangely understood. And I know that everything is okay between us again.

I sighed and looked around. Collin and Padma are doing a victory dance after defeating everyone (almost everybody are now lying down on the floor and I could hear Ron snoring somewhere on my left), not realizing Luna stalking them from behind the curtains. I smiled fondly at all of them. They are the bigger part of a reason why I couldn't leave the wizarding world to avoid the Marriage law. I knew that if I set myself on exile, I'd lose so much. So, for the moment, I decided to forgive them for the Journal Fiasco and not be vengeful for once. Shocking, I know, but quite awesome of me.

That night, nobody returned to the dorms. We all stayed at my lair and talked about a lot of absurd things and one by one, fell asleep on the down-covered floor.

Morning came, and with it, a fierce determination not to succumb to the temptation of ditching classes. It would make me look like the pathetic loser if I stuffed myself with Fever Fudge just to avoid the people who were privy to the Journal Fiasco- namely Malfoy, since he was the target of most of my nasty thoughts, and the Headmaster (one of these days, I might just have to challenge him to a duel, or you know, just dump some of the left-over dungbombs in his face).

I wondered idly if my parents returned safely back home and if they have forgiven me yet for not telling them about the marriage law sooner and about the not-so-nice stuff I wrote in my journal that might've made them feel like the worst parents ever. It's too early to feel guilty about that, though. I'll have to write them a lengthy letter later.

I opened my eyes and stretched my legs and accidentally kicked something hard.

"Ow!" I complained, suddenly sitting up. I rubbed my sore toe and saw feathers everywhere. My friends are still sleeping around me every which way. I smiled at their peaceful faces and tried very hard not to attack, which was very tempting, especially since I have them all cooped up in one place at their most vulnerable. I reminded myself that I have forgiven them and won't be vengeful about yesterday.

I had picked the worst time to be a saint. Of course, another offense and I will get back at them, but not this time. This is an exception. They are truly the best of friends I could ever have. They didn't abandon me even when they thought I was losing my mind what with the wailing I did last night. Wow, that was so embarrassing! What made me snot all over the place with an audience?

But still, friends don't snoop in your private space, read your journal, discover something incriminating about it, involve the Headmaster, making you suffer all these punishments! My wand hand is itching, as my irritation flared up again and I almost wavered. With a huge amount of self-control, I managed to stay my hand. Merlin, that was hard! I really hope they offend me again soon so I won't have to strain myself too much from this payback withdrawal syndrome.

"Mmm," mumbled Cho, slowly sitting up and stretching her spine. "Ow! My back hurts!". She looked around then tapped Neville to wake him but he just rolled the other way. "Wake up, Nevvy. We still have classes."

Classes! Oh, shoot!

"What time is it?" asked a groggy Pansy, untangling herself from Ron's massive arms.

Cho, Pansy and I, turned to look at my wall clock at the same time. It's 10:05 AM! We missed Potions!

"Oh, my God. Snape's gonna kill us!" cried Pansy, waking Ron. "Nobody even thought to set the alarm? Oh, bollocks!"

"I missed Transfigurations! Oh my God! Neville, wake up! Get your lazy butt up!" Cho roared. If there is someone as paranoid as I am about classes, it's the Ravenclaws- except for Luna. That girl is always so calm.

"Great galloping centaurs! We are freaking late! Rise people! I don't wanna get a Troll! Wake up!" screamed Luna, who got up suddenly panicked, making Cedric (who sneakily snuggled up to Luna when she finally fell asleep last night) sit up quickly, covering his ears. Okay, so maybe she isn't an exception after all.

One by one, my friends woke up and raced to their respective dorms to change.

I, on the other hand, am thinking that this is probably the universe telling me to reconsider my philosophy and just ditch school. It is a Friday after all and I have couple sessions with Pockard later, which means facing Malfoy- again. I am still ashamed about my actions last night and it is rare for me to feel this way since I normally don't have that much to be ashamed of. I mean, there is no need for me to feel like I did something wrong if only the journal just stayed hidden. Stupid journal.

Ugh. I haven't decided if I'll just act all cool and indifferent or apologize for taking out my anger on him for something he didn't do. He didn't make the Law after all, no, it was that Saul guy from the 1500's that needs to pay. But he's dead now and I couldn't very well kill myself just to seek him out and kill him again.

Why am I thinking so hard about it anyway? I should just shrug it off and treat it like old times. We are enemies after all. That hasn't changed, has it? Has it?

So I trudged slowly back towards the Gryffindor tower. I'm late anyway, so I'll take my time preparing for the day: take a bath, brush my teeth, and iron my socks… then tidy my closet… scrub the toilets…

When I reached the common room, Harry, Ron, Ginny, Lavender, Parvati, Dean and Neville were still there. I thought how sweet it is for them to wait for me when I saw Professor McGonagall glaring at me. My friends were standing rigidly with their heads bowed, while Ginny is frantically gesturing at me to hurry up and join them. I hesitated a bit before joining them.

"How shameful! Do you know how much points you cost our House? Professor Snape was almost smug when he reported to me that 8 Gryffindors didn't show up in his class! He deducted 20 points each. 100 more deductions and we'll be out of the running for the House Cup even if we won the Quidditch games! What have you to say?" she asked us in such an intimidating voice.

No one spoke because we really don't have any excuses. What can we say? That we slept late because we had a pillow fight? It could very well make our punishment worse.

Crap, I shouldn't have left my lair.

"Alright, don't talk," she said grumpily. "Detention at 8:00. Meet me at my office."

What luck is this? I didn't have to go to Pockard's session!

"Professor, I'm sorry but I have extra couple sessions with Mr. Pockard at 8:00 today," Dean said, eager to get out of detention. I looked at him with murder in my eyes and stamped on his foot hard.

"Ouch, witch! What gives?" he cried, bending in pain. "You also have the same session with me!"

I stamped on his other foot. Can't he read my face? Or do I need to kick him some more?

"Ms. Granger, stop that!" Professor McGonagall reprimanded me while Dean whimpered.

"Sorry," I said without sincerity which made her raise an eyebrow, so I quickly rearranged my features to look contrite. "It's alright, though. Mr. Pockard won't mind us skipping a session tonight. We made a horrible mistake and lost our honorable House a lot of points so we have to face the consequences," I added. It would sound more apologetic, though, if I wasn't at all excited about the prospect of ditching Couple sessions tonight.

"No, no. You can meet me tomorrow at 8:00 pm instead. Sessions comes first," Professor McGonagall said with finality. I think she saw through me.

"But…"

"No buts. Now, off you go to your classes. You still have to recover the points you lost and you better get a lot to cover our losses today. Chop, chop!" And with those words, she left the room.

"Thanks so much, Dean," I seethed.

"Hey, 'Mione, cut him some slack. Professor McGonagall is known for her brutal detentions," said Harry, blocking Dean from my sight. Always the peacemaker. Good thing I value him…

"Let's go or we'll lose more points!" yelled Lavender, running towards the portrait hole.

"Oi! You're still in your PJ's!" shouted Ginny.

We all groaned and went to our rooms to change.

* * *

"So, any plans tonight?" Ron asked me casually, poking at his food. He is trying to hide his uneasiness about something.

We are sitting at our usual table, eating dinner.

"Well, as you already know, I got Pockard tonight and detention tomorrow. Two stones. I'm the bird they're throwing it at," I answered sourly. This week is a total bust. God, I'd do anything to get out of couple sessions tonight.

"Isn't it kill two birds with one stone?" asked Pansy.

"Well, what can I say? I'm hard to kill," I shrugged.

"Okay, okay, sorry," said Pansy quickly. She's also uneasy. Is there something I'm missing here? She avoided my inquiring eyes.

"Well, aside from that, aren't you, uh, gonna, you know, plan something else?" asked Neville in a suspiciously forced nonchalance.

"Honestly, I'm not gonna plan anymore coups or riot or whatever Dumbledore's accusing me of lately. Do you believe he's blaming me for every single mess now? This afternoon, he told me I shouldn't go flooding the toilets! He was referring to that toilet where Moaning Myrtle is, for Pete's sake!" I seethed.

I reached for the meatballs and Parvati flinched beside me. I looked at her, weirded out. She just offered an uneasy smile.

"~Birds are flying in the sky~ Pooping rotten eggs, and making me cry~," Cho sang nervously, looking at me sideways. I think she's trying to get something across here…

Lavender is not touching her food and Harry is scrutinizing his plate intently as if trying to determine if something is gonna jump out of it. I caught Cedric looking at me apprehensively and he quickly looked away.

Okay, this is unnerving.

"What's wrong with you people?" I asked them. "Why are you all twitchy?"

"Nothing. We're just thinking, maybe, you've forgotten something," said Dean suspiciously, his eyes narrowed at me.

"Like what? I don't have to clean the blasted Slytherin locker rooms today, I'm supposed to do it Tuesdays and Thursdays... Oh, no, you are so not making me face the wall again, are you? I have two months' worth of freaking detentions already!"

"No, no, nothing like that. Forget it," Harry said telling the others to stop bothering me with his eyes. He is still not eating his food.

There is definitely something fishy here. Oh, well. I won't dwell on it. I have something else to worry about. Hurriedly, I stabbed a mushroom from my plate and swallowed it.

Someone sighed in relief and began eating.

""Hey! Don't eat anything yet. She might've done something to it!" cried Cho, scolding Neville.

"But she's eating! She won't eat anything she's poisoned, will she?" asked Neville, confused.

Wait a minute…. Why would they think I poisoned the food? I continued scarfing my plate to show them I didn't do anything with it.

"What's the hurry, 'Mione?" Lavender asked me while watching me lap up my plate uncertainly. " It looks like you're up to something."

I flinched nervously. I am planning on ditching Pockard's session tonight to avoid Malfoy because I still feel a little guilty about, you know, planning on killing him so I need to think of an excuse.

"'Mione… you're making me nervous…"

"Oh, calm down, Lavender. I just have something to do…"

"It doesn't have anything to do with, uh, I don't know, revenge for last night?" she prodded, looking at me intently.

Oh! Okay, so I guess they're all nervous about me getting even with them for spying on me and turning in my journal to the Headmaster. I rolled my eyes. They must be so confused about my lack of violent response. I must've been a real basketcase these past few weeks.

"I don't have time for that now. I've got detentions, couple sessions and homework to think about," I waved my hand in an offhand manner. I do have a lot on my plate. Anyway, I made a promise that pretty sure paved the way to my ascension into sainthood this morning. It hasn't even been 24 hours since, so don't you think it's a bit too early to break it?

"I don't buy it," Cho Chang said.

"I don't know. She's being awfully normal today…" mused Parvati. "What do you think, Padma?"

"I think she'll do it tonight," Padma decided, toying with her spoon nervously. "Did you see how she's eating in a hurry? It's because she's planning on doing it later. We have to up our guard."

"Oh, please. Like I haven't anything better to do," I said amused and annoyed at the same time. "And 'she' is here. No need to refer to me as a third person!"

"I don't think she's gonna do anything. I mean, she had the opportunity this morning when we were still sleeping-" Harry said deep in thought. He's in detective-mode again. Speaking of…

"I really hope that you stopped spying on me anymore, Harry Potter or else I'm gonna steal your invisibility cloak," I threatened him. I can usually tolerate most of his behavior, especially those that has the potential to save humanity, but I draw the line at spying on my person. I am no Dark Lord after all. Duh.

"You steal my cloak all the time, 'Mione," he hedged.

"Well, I'm not gonna give it back this time!"

"Thanks for the warning. I'm gonna have it under lock and key… somewhere," he said, possibly wandering if there is any such place on earth where I can't fight my way inside. "Damn, alright," he finally relented.

Damn right, I know every place he ever went to and I taught him most of the spells he knew. Man, I'm awesome. Still, I'm not giving up without a confirmation.

"No more spying under cloaks, disillusionment charms or any muggle-style sleuthing?" I asked relentlessly.

"You have my word," he said seriously. But his eyes are betraying his thoughts, no doubt wondering how to get around it somehow. I snorted. Eh, it's not like I can do anything after last night. Even if he stops spying on me, I'm pretty sure the Headmaster will be keeping an eye on me so I better stay away from all the plotting and stupid journals for a while.

"I don't buy it, mate," Ron told Harry, still stewing about my suspicious behavior. Apparently, my benevolent act of not retaliating is being labeled as 'suspicious' now. What kind of backward people am I hanging out with anyway?

"Maybe she didn't do anything before when we were sleeping because she's planning to fool us into complacency. And when we let our guards down, that's when she'll send the beasts of hell, blasting our unwary, teensy, tiny brains into Poopnation!" Ron continued, getting carried away. " You little sneak!"he added, trying to pin me with an accusing stare.

"Whoa there, Ron," Ginny chided him, while looking at him as if he's lost it. "'Mione, dear, you aren't gonna hex us are you?" she asked uncertainly.

"Oh, honestly!" I exclaimed, getting a bit irritated.

"Oh my God. What if she went to the house elves again and poisoned our tea?" Astoria asked, getting worried.

"Or she could mess up our room! Don't you dare touch my toad, 'Mione!" Neville roared. "I don't want you near my carefully sorted closet either!"

"Well, why are you giving me ideas then?" I asked him, incensed.

Should I just go ahead and hex them anyway despite my earlier decision? That way, they'd be relieved from all these suspicions…

…Or … I'd stick to my promise on not retaliating and leave it alone. It'd be a sight to see them going paranoid over nothing. Hmmm… Is that a bit harsh? Eh. It's not like I'm doing anything bad. My inner bitch is cackling evilly. I sighed. My saintly self is vanishing by the second.

I shrugged and ate my last bite then left the table, already thinking about my ditching options. I have to hurry before some random Chaperone hauls me off my butt and deposits me at Pockard's office.

"Oi! Where are you going?!" asked an alarmed Ron. "Can we safely eat the food here?! Oi! 'Mione!"

I just flashed him a smile and hurried to my room.

* * *

It's 7:45 pm on the clock. I'm sitting on my bed, still ruminating on whether I should go to Pockard's office or devour everything on the Weasley's Skiving Snackbox.

I figured, what the hell, and ate the whole damn thing. I was impressed, because in no time at all, my nose started bleeding and my head felt dizzy and I puked all the way to the infirmary.

"Oh, dear, what happened?" asked Madam Pomfrey as soon as I walked through the door.

"I don't feel well," I said, which is true. I'll feel better when I go back to my bed, though, with the anti-dote stashed in my pocket.

"Hmmm. Bleeding nose, puking and, are you feeling dizzy?" she asked, while taking my temperature.

"Yes."

"Okay, lie down and I'll give you something for the fever and the dizziness," she said while rummaging on her cupboard.

"Um, I have couple sessions tonight," I started. "Do you mind signing this sheet to excuse me from taking it?" I asked in the most pitiful eyes I could muster while feebly holding up the most important sheet in existence.

She looked at me in suspicion. What up with the people today? Always suspicious! I hammed it up a bit more, coughing loudly and crossing my eyes a bit.

Something clicked on her freaking brain.

"You are such a bad liar. You took that blasted Weasly skive-boxes didn't you?"

I am so busted.

"Er, no, I just ate something and suddenly I started bleeding. Must be some kind of allergy?" I asked unconvincingly, desperately willing her to believe me, or at least just get me off the hook for once.

"Nice try," she rolled her eyes at me and went back to her cupboard. "This will make you feel better in no time, sweetie." She handed me the exact antidote to the Weasley's skiving sweets I took. Dang it! "You don't know how much the first years pulled that one on me. I was in over my head trying to figure out how an entire class could possibly be nosebleeding all at the same time. I sent the Weasley twins tons of Howlers but they don't stop selling those blasted things."

I desperately resorted to begging to no avail.

After she practically shoved the antidote in my mouth, she kicked me out of the infirmary. Well, someone needs to get laid. Maybe I'll send Stan Shunpike her way… or maybe Fenrir Greyback. Should I try resurrecting him somehow?

I huffed angrily. If this is how its gonna be, then I might just as well ditch blatantly. I was walking my way back to the general direction of the Gryffindor dorms when I ran into the person I didn't want to see the most-Malfoy.

I stopped walking, contemplating on hiding but he already saw me. Should I run? Okay... what is my problem? I've never run from him before.

I don't think this meeting is a coincidence. I can feel a prickling in my neck, warning me of someone who's probably watching me right now. Damn, Chaperones. They are already on the prowl.

"Where are you going? Pockard's office is that way," Malfoy said pointing towards the hallway I just left.

"Oh, er, I was gonna…" I haven't prepared any excuses yet so I'll just have to risk asking him, "Hey, wanna ditch?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You already got us Chaperoned and now you wanna ditch? I heard you got another detention. How many more of those are you willing to take? And please don't drag me to anymore of your wicked plots or are you gonna lure me away to do me in?" he asked mockingly. He is definitely holding a grudge about the murder thing.

"Haven't you heard? I never really meant to kill you, you know. Sure, I wanna kick your ass but I never intended to murder you. I still got my conscience," I said earnestly.

"Sure, sure. You know, I think you are overreacting about the whole marriage law thing because deep down you like me and you think I'll find your resistance cute or something." _Whoa there, cocky bastard._

"Your logic is very enlightening," I replied drily. After what I did, he is entitled to some ranting. I'm already summoning my martyr face.

"I mean, I'm a Malfoy. The tragic hero who overcame the Dark. I was featured multiple times in Witch Weekly as the hottest bachelor in all of England, not to mention one of the wealthiest." _Prat._

"You're also very modest." I observed brilliantly.

"You'll never find a treasure like me," he continued.

"You're so precious, I wanna bury you."

He stopped walking and smirked, then opened the door to his right.

"Oh, great, there you are! I was beginning to think you'd never show up!" said Mr. Pockard impatiently. "Now that everybody's here, we can begin. Sit, lovebirds, sit!"

Unbelievable! I was wondering about why he was so chatty when all the while he was leading me towards Pockard's office! He saw the look on my face and smugly sat on the smallest loveseat in the room (he didn't have a choice, really, it's the only one left) and patted the small space next to him and dared me to sit down. Of course now I can't back down so I smiled sweetly and shoved him to make more space for myself. My pride was wounded when he didn't even move an inch and I resigned to making myself comfortable with half my butt off the chair again.

"Now, I understand that we have been doing these counseling sessions but a few times, yet I am very disappointed at your progress," said Mr. Pockard, theatrically massaging his temples. "Communication is one of the things you people need to work on. May I ask, who among you have actually talked to each other these past few days without outside intervention?"

Nobody raised their hands.

"Who among you have at least greeted your partner when you saw them at the halls?"

Again, no show of hands. Shocking.

"See? You haven't even tried to do anything to make this easier. I suppose if I make you talk to each other, you wouldn't even know what to ask. So I jotted down things that you might, no, SHOULD ask your partners so you'll know them better. I better hear you communicating or you'll never leave the room."

He's unabashedly resorting to coercion. I sniffed, unimpressed.

He passed the sheets around. "This is what's going to happen: those sheets are enchanted so that unless you finish doing what it tells you to do, you won't be able to get out of your chair."

I found myself testing it and I realized I was glued to my seat! If I knew this was going to happen, I would've adjusted my position so it wouldn't be so uncomfortable. I can already feel my right butt cheek numbing. I gritted my teeth.

"Tap your wand at it and it will tell you what to do." Pockard then went to his seat, silently congratulating himself.

A quick look around told me that the other couples are also squirming uncomfortably on their seats. I can hear Dean cursing on the background.

"Let's get this over with," I muttered more for the benefit of my dying butt cheek.

Malfoy sighed and tapped his wand on the parchment.

 _**Greetings! Take turns asking your partner the questions that will be laid out before you. If one of you don't answer a question, you will be penalized. You won't be able to move on to the next question until the penalty is fulfilled.**_

This just keeps getting better and better. What penalty could it possibly cook up when were all glued to our chairs?

 _**Question 1: Name your partner's two closest friends.**_

"That's easy," Malfoy scoffed. "Your closest friends are Pothead and Weasel."

"Well, um, your closest friends are, uh, Pansy and Blaise?" I said, not really sure.

"Right."

The ink in the parchment dissolved, erasing the former words and another question popped out.

 _**Question 2: What do you think is your partner's greatest asset physically?**_

I gagged. That's quite a leap from the first question! Malfoy coughed awkwardly. A minute passed in silence, I mean, who would answer that ridiculous question? The parchment was getting impatient and started the countdown.

 _**10…9…8…7…6…5…4**_

"Oh, alright! Cool it Parchment or I'll burn you!" I shrieked.

Malfoy raised an eyebrow at me, amused.

"What? I don't like getting penalized! I have enough punishments to deal with," I defended myself. "Your greatest asset is… your hair." I told Malfoy with the utmost reluctance. I didn't want to compliment the git.

 _**Lie detected… 3…2…**_

Oh my God! It has a built-in lie detector!

"Okay! Okay! Stop counting!" I shouted. I can feel the stares from the other couples but I am too worked up to care. "Malfoy you go first."

"What? No, you go first!" he argued, his ears going red.

"I won't tell unless you say it first," I said stubbornly. Oh, Merlin, I don't want to tell! God knows I don't. Horror of horrors, the parchment is resuming its damn countdown!

 _**…1…0**_

"Alright! Alright!" Malfoy yelled, as panicked as I am. "Granger's greatest asset is her, er, lips. Dammit! It's her lips!"

There was a profound silence in the room, and then someone started chuckling. Malfoy is seriously looking for something to throw at the culprit.

I was stifling a grin from spreading from ear to ear. "My lips, huh…" I can't help smirking at him.

"It's not my fault you keep drawing attention to it! You're awfully fond of chewing your lower lip!" He said it like he's accusing me of something terrible.

"It's not my fault that you even took the time to notice it!" I argued. " Oh, forget it…"

I'm telling myself to quit thinking about it as I was preparing for my turn to answer when…

 _**Sorry, you answered too late.**_

Malfoy's jaw dropped, his eyebrows are in danger of disappearing into his scalp. "You have got to be kidding me!" he cried, aghast, his hands on his head.

My joy at avoiding the question was quickly replaced with incredulity as I read the penalty.

 _**Penalty: Hold hands and stare into each other's eyes without saying anything for one minute. Don't close your eyes/blink too much or the timer will restart. If your eyes stray even for a second, your partner gets to choose what punishment to give. The timer will automatically start when you're in position.**_

Blast it all! We'll never be able to leave the room.

Centuries later, people will find our skeletons rotting on this very place, with our butts still stuck to the bloody loveseat.


	12. In The Freaking Zone

I still can't quiet my mind from all the curses running through it. I clamped my mouth shut. Just one word that slips through will give way to an avalanche of obscenities and I don't think the world is prepared for that yet.

I looked at it again. Bad idea. I'm rapidly nursing a very unhealthy dislike for papers in general.

 _**Penalty: Hold hands and stare into each other's eyes without saying anything for one minute. Don't close your eyes/blink too much or the timer will restart. If your eyes stray even for a second, your partner gets to choose what punishment to give. The timer will automatically start when you're in position.**_

The thing is, until we do it, we won't be able to move on to the next question. If we don't move on, we won't be able to leave the blasted room, what with our butts stuck to the friggin' loveseat. My right butt cheek is currently taking all the weight of my body and it is already screaming in protest.

This couple session is quickly turning into a nightmare but I don't see myself having much choice on the matter. The best thing to do is to act quickly before I chicken out.

In a bold move that made me wanna kick myself, I grabbed Malfoy's hands and held his fingers firmly- well, as firmly as holding a blistering toast straight from the oven- taking care not to make contact with his palms.

He was visibly surprised, not at all anticipating my actions. I dared him to say a word about it, my eyes challenging him.

He didn't say anything.

Instead, he was turning an adorable crimson…. No! Not adorable! Bad 'Mione!

As I was saying, he was turning into a **hideous** crimson but he held his ground. Then, after a steadying breath, he rearranged our hands so we were holding hands properly. I had to stop the distaste from leaking into my face.

His hands are completely covering mine and I feel trapped.

Without further ado, as if on cue, we stared into each other's eyes.

The bloody timer had better start counting.

His grey eyes bore into mine and I was tempted to look away right off the bat, but I reminded myself that it would not be a good idea to give him a chance to choose what punishment to give me. Besides, we Gryffindors never back down from anything. We are the courageous lot, damn it! I sure can handle a stare-off with him.

So I stared…

…His eyes are so pretty. That much I can admit. His irises are like a million flecks of brightly lit stars hurtling towards a black hole. It is strangely magnetic and I felt like I should anchor myself carefully to avoid being sucked in. I wonder if he's comparing my boring brown eyes with something really disgusting- and, if he is, I'm wondering how to steal his beautiful eyes and implant it on my own sockets. But then, if we were to marry and have a kid with my face and his eyes on it, I'd be able to see it for myself without all the bloodshed...

Wait… What am I thinking?

Argh! Why can't he just give in and move his eyes already so I could get a free pass at a legal assault? And why does it seem like its taking the timer an eternity to go off?!

I think I'm getting a little cross-eyed.

His hands moved, adjusting his grip. They are warm and a bit too tight around mine. I hate to say that it is a nice feeling. I could get used to this…

Great stars above!

The penalty the stupid parchment gave us is totally messing with my mind. I won't give it anymore influence over me so I steeled myself so that I wouldn't be caught unawares by anymore unwanted thoughts. I must've done something right because he frowned, and then his eyes suddenly became distant.

The seconds dragged on by excruciatingly slow, but, if anything, it made us more edgy. I can literally feel the waves of impatience radiating off of our bodies, making trails of goose bumps snaking down from my arms to my knees. Our hands are now on a death grip match… I think my fingers are choking.

It was the most uncomfortable, awkward, embarrassing, and the longest minute of my life. It was also very unhealthy. I couldn't still my palpitating heart. I could hear the other couples whistling and hooting, telling us to get a room already. It was so frustrating being unable to react at all.

When the timer went off, we quickly snatched our hands back and avoided looking at each other. The tips of my ears are burning red. In fact, I think I'd like to do a number two, what with my stomach being too upset from looking at him too darn much.

I heard him gasping for breath. He must've held his breath during the last seconds. That would explain the purplish sheen to his face before the timer went off. Pity he didn't pass out. That would've been very helpful in getting me out of this stupid session with its stupid enchanted parchment.

Unfortunately, the parchment isn't even remotely done with us. The ink slowly erased the previous words (I was so relieved to have it out of my sight) and replaced it with another.

 _**Question 3: Ask your partner about what he/she likes to do in his/her spare time.**_

"That's more reasonable," I sighed in relief, unwittingly breaking the silence. Then, in an awkward attempt to destroy the, well, awkwardness, I forced myself to ask him, "What do you like to do in your spare time, Malfoy?" Boy, did it sound polite.

Talking is good. At least, it's better than the uneasy, stifling silence. Talking can turn to snarky. Snarky is comfortable. Snarky is familiar ground.

He didn't look at me but he answered after clearing his throat a great deal, "I like flying my Firebolt Supreme outside. You?"

"I like reading books."

"What a surprise," he said, struggling to look blasé. He's not fooling anybody. Even I can't look at him without feeling weird just yet.

 _**Question 4: Say three positive things about your partner.**_

Hmm, it's not that bad. I'd rather say positive things than get another penalty. I better think of something fast before it gets bored and starts counting.

I rather have to think harder than I thought.

"You are smart," Malfoy started first after a few seconds of hesitation. "You are also loyal and brave. That's three. Your turn," he said, oddly curious now, his eyes searching mine.

"Okay… You are, umm, you are a good quidditch player. Uh…" I paused because I was stumped. "Oh, oh! I've got another one. You are always presentable, you know, not a hair out of place…"

"Well, one of us needs to clean up good," he muttered snidely. His voice carried some tone of disappointment to it. Good. It's already getting snarky. Well, I guess I need to come up with something nicer to appease him somehow just because I'm thankful to dear, old, Snarky coming back.

"I admire your courage as well," I stated sincerely, referring to that time when he finally stood up for himself and turned his back from the Dark. I hate to admit it, but I guess it's time I acknowledge that fact. Usually, people like him just go into hiding if they didn't want to be a part of Voldemort's fanatical kneelers. But he didn't hide. In fact, he was fairly vocal about denouncing Voldemort and even contributed actively with the Order of the Phoenix.

His lips tugged slightly upwards, a hint of smile lighting up his face. He understood it without me getting into any more detail.

I coughed self-consciously and turned my gaze on the parchment again. No need to get all warm and fuzzy. Jeez.

 _** Question 5: Of all the people you both know, who do you like the least?**_

"Well, I suppose you like me the least, no point trying to deny that," Malfoy assumed, scowling now.

"You'd be surprised. You might be on my top ten list but you're definitely not the one on top. That spot belongs to Bellatrix," I said. She tortured me after all, that bitch.

His face grew dark at the mention of her name. He was thinking really hard about something, his eyes brooding, and he kept opening and closing his mouth as if wanting to say something about it.

"Then I'm number 2?" he probed. I could tell it wasn't what he meant to say at all.

"No. Top 2 is Dolores Umbridge. Honestly, I'd say they're evenly tied," I decided. That awful toad is seriously unhinged. I'm still so pissed when I remember Harry telling me of how she conducted detentions. She made the educational experience so dreadfully unpleasant.

"Then me?"

Why won't he quit asking? Bloody ferret.

"No. It's Voldemort."

Before he could ask again, I went on, "So who do you like the least? I think I'm definitely one of the candidates."

"You're not even on my top ten," he answered seriously.

I don't know why I'm offended. Do I have to cuss at him more? Cause, clearly, plotting on killing him doesn't seem to bump me up the freakin' ranking.

"What? I thought you'd be delighted to hear that I don't hate you as much as you think," he said, reading my face, genuinely puzzled.

"Never mind that," I replied sourly. "Who do you hate the most then?"

"Voldemort, of course," he answered, still baffled.

"Of course."

 _**Question 6: What do you think your partner has to work on to make you like him/her more?**_

"Well, there's too many to mention so why bother?" I snapped at the parchment in childish irritation.

He took offense again. I felt satisfied somehow. That should help me move up a rank or two on his hate list. Why does it matter? I don't even know.

"You could work on your tongue," he grumbled. "You always feel the need to find fault in me every single time. You should also tone down your bloodlust. I would sleep easier if you just quit plotting my death at every turn."

Here comes the guilt again. I'll never be able to live it down, will I? If I only found a much suitable place to hide my stupid journal… Wait, he's guilt-trippin' me and its working!

Well, I do deserve it… Damn.

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry about the stuff I wrote in my journal. I really am. To tell you the truth, I was too enraged at the freaking Law and I took it out on you. You just happened to be the one I'm paired up with and given our past… It wasn't the easiest thing to swallow, I'm telling you," I apologized sheepishly. I know I went too far that time when I even listed ways on how to do him in. Not that I'd really do it. Deep down, I know I'm not that kind of monster. If I really have wanted to kill him, why, there are a lot of ways that I could do that. Muggles and wizards alike have more than an ample amount of imagination and tools to accomplish that feat and I am half of both! I wouldn't have bothered giving him poisoned candies or pushing him toward the lake or even going as far as borrowing a dragon from Romania (and killing him using dungbombs is just hilarious!) when I could just strangle him barehanded. Dead is dead anyway so why even bother to make it happen creatively and go the long route?

"So, you're saying that you don't hate me all that much? But you seemed hell-bent on doing anything just to get out of marrying me," he said, wanting to understand. Oh, Merlin. Those puppy eyes! Puppy freakin' eyes! Is he even aware he's doing it? Anchor, Anchor!

"Oh, I still hate you but, honestly, it wasn't so much as marrying you that I'm mad about as I am forced to marry at all without any choice on the matter," I explained, deep in thought.

I blinked in surprise. I never thought about it that way before. But, somehow, it made sense and dang it, no matter how many times I turn it over in my head, it is the absolute truth. I thought back and decided that if he wasn't paired with me, I know that we would still insult each other just because we've done it way too long for us to stop, then, I think, we'd learn to ignore each other and, in time, might even be on 'hello' terms- you know, after fifty years. And the one I would've harassed is the person paired with me.

With a sinking feeling, I decided that these revelations are unhealthy. I don't like where the direction of my thoughts are going. Not a single bit.

Before, the object of my hate had a face. A big part of that face belongs to the person sitting right next to me. But now, a large part of that face is blurring. What the hell am I supposed to do now?

Oh no, I could literally see Malfoy's name suddenly drop from sixth place after Rita Skeeter and Fenrir Greyback, towards the end of my top ten hate list. That's impossible! How could I hate Malcolm Merlyn (a fictional villain from The Arrow), Dicky (a former Kindergarten classmate, that vile, stupid kid!), Scabbers (Peter Pettigrew) and Sharknado (that blasted but addicting, hideous movie that I can't seem to get out of my head) more than I hate him?!

"Erm… you better answer the question, Granger. The parchment is beginning the countdown again," he alerted me, nervously looking at the offending paper.

Oh, right, I haven't answered properly yet. I reread the question and answered, " I don't know you all that well to think of something for you to work on. As far as I know, you are already trying to work on your prejudices since the War, and, wow… I think I don't have anything to add anymore… at least not yet," I said, contradicting my earlier statement about him having too many flaws.

And I am stunned again by the truth of it. I reviewed these past few days when Malfoy and I were in the same room together. Never did he call me 'mudblood', not even once. He was perfectly civil- that is, when I was being civil. He only ever insults us because it was customary for Gryffindors and Slytherins to do so. I am surprised to realize just now that even when Harry and Ron traded biting words with Malfoy, it didn't have any more of those dark, violent edge it had before the War.

Oh, my goodness! Am I just realizing these now? It's like being hit with a boulder to the head. Was I the one who's actually picking a fight with him every time? Now that I think about it, he didn't even try to retaliate after the Journal Fiasco! Who the hell is he? I don't even know the basic things about him to be all judgemental...

My head is beginning to ache.

I stopped thinking for a second, breathed slowly and counted the seconds in my head to keep myself from panicking. I don't want to think of Malfoy in a new light. It's just too strange.

When the ink in the parchment dissolved again, Malfoy was incredulous.

"That means you weren't lying!" he exclaimed in disbelief as the paper with the built-in lie detector just went on to the next question. "The ink wouldn't have dissolved if you were! Wow, Granger, you must think I'm perfect!"

And there's the Malfoy I know. That Malfoy I could deal with. That cocky, arrogant, pile of crap.

Only, I'm beginning to think that calling him a pile of crap is going too far.

I wanna cry from all these stupid mind restructuring.

"Yeah, and I'm the pope," I scoffed mechanically. Then I threw in, "Get your head out of your ass," for good measure. I don't want to appear like I'm softening or something.

I should have mentioned for him to tone down the arrogance but I think it suits him really well. Not that I find it charming…

Oh, God.

I changed my mind. Talking is bad. I'm disappointed at Snarky.

The parchment continued plying us with questions and I answered as quickly as I could, not wanting to have those weird conversations again. Malfoy caught on and didn't force it.

Consideration… that's another thing about him that I don't want to think about. What is the matter with me today? Is this a Compliment Draco Day? Ugh! I meant Malfoy! Malfoy! NO first names, you stupid knuckle head!

I noticed as the time goes by that he was gradually more comfortable talking to me, even smiling at times. He even joked light-heartedly at some point.

I, on the other hand, was forced to think about a lot of things that I chose to ignore before. I desperately clung to my selfish, childish opinions while the matured side in me battled for supreme dominance, shattering my ill, pre-conceived image of him into pieces. This is the first time that Logic frustrated me on such a high level.

We were penalized again when it asked us what our honeymoon fantasy would be like. Of course, we aren't going to answer that question for anything, me especially, since I definitely had a fantasy with a groom without a face before and it involves a lot of details not suitable for young audiences.

We immediately regretted it as soon as the penalty revealed itself.

 _**Penalty: You are sentenced to five minutes of hugging while telling your partner the following things: what you're thankful for, what you're sorry for, and any positive messages you'd like to say to one another. **_

I'm ashamed to say that I lost it. I scratched at the parchment with extreme ferocity, determined to tear it to pieces.

I should have known better than to make an enemy out of an enchanted parchment. It haughtily stayed there in the best of shape. Worse, it made a new penalty for being disrespected!

 _**Penalty: Aside from the aforementioned penalty, decide on any term of endearment you'd like to call each other for the duration of the game. Non-romantic ones are not allowed. If you fail to use the term of endearment and call each other by name, you'd get another penalty. That would teach you to try and mess with this remarkable parchment.**_

I could feel it laughing manically at me while I am powerless to stop it, stuck as I am to this freaking chair!

I wanna bite someone- in the good ol'-fashioned teeth-on-flesh savage way. My eyes automatically went searching for Pockard...

 **Hugging, more talking, endearments** … Oh, Merlin! I wanna die… I wanna die… I wanna die…

I was busy face-palming, imagining a severed wart on the floor with Mr. Pockard staring at it in horror, his face bleeding, when I felt someone reach out, tugging at my arm.

"Well, darling," Malfoy dragged out the word 'darling' in mock condescension (apparently 'darling' is the agreed-upon term of endearment without any help from yours truly), "I think we had better start the damnable penalty before you anger it more. It might issue more penalties and goodness knows you wouldn't stop at scratching. So, ~darling~, shall we?" He made a show of spreading his arms wide, giving me the choice of coming to him willingly. He is suppressing his amusement by pursing his mouth shut. Well, isn't he getting confident. What a twat.

I hesitated, growing more and more apprehensive by the second, contemplating whether to strip naked, leave my clothes stuck to the chair then run like hell.

"Take your time," he said tauntingly. "But I do believe you have to hurry. My arms are about to fall off." Why can't he just be a man and grab me already? …Whoa... why does that sound too suggestive in my head?

I glared at him. The gaze he returned was coolly inquisitive, his arms still in open invitation.

Oh, I give up.

I reached for him slowly, still very much uncertain, which is so unlike me. I think he grew impatient after I lingered too long just inches from his body, not knowing where to place my hands, so he pulled me to him and enfolded me in his arms, his warmth enveloping me, sending shivers down my neck.

I am so screwed.

"Er, I'm thankful that the war is over," he started first, since I can't seem to find my tongue. Right… we we're supposed to talk . "I'm thankful for broomsticks and quidditch," he continued, nudging me lightly, "Gr-, darling, your turn."

I started. "Uh, I'm thankful for, er, for magic," I stuttered lamely, my body stiff from so much tension.

I can feel his hands on my back, his thumbs slowly caressing. It is in total contrast to mine, fisting in his shirt. He's gonna freak when he sees those creases later.

"I'm thankful for everyday without Voldemort tainting the place," he murmured thoughtfully- already in the Zone. The Zone- where the walls are down.

"I'm thankful for my friends," I said in a low voice. There is something about this situation that makes us feel like we should be quiet.

I'm slowly being pulled toward The Zone- a place where only the two of us exist.

It was silent for a few heartbeats. Then…

"I'm thankful for the ideals you represented during the time I was so confused about the world," he said with conviction, his arms tightening around me unconsciously.

I can't think clearly. Did he just thank me?

"I'm thankful for your help when we were struggling inside the Manor's dungeon," I finally expressed the gratitude that was long overdue. His thumbs stopped its caresses abruptly, and then resumed its pace.

My heartbeat is loud against my ears. Did I really say what I just said? Out loud? Oh, dear… I am in The Zone. The Zone is equally as dangerous as talking. I need to find a way to step out of it!

"I'm sorry for being a jerk to you all these time," he apologized sincerely, no doubt reminiscing about those times. He really was a jerk. Was…

"I'm sorry for being a bitch… lately," I said reluctantly. He did say sorry first after all. Hey, I can be mature at times!

Wait...

The bloody parchment is so gonna get it. It made me apologize! Oh the shame! My blood is rushing to my face. I wouldn't be surprised if smoke poured out of my ears. Am I pregnant? What is with all these mood swings?

"I'm sorry I was too late…" he inhaled slowly, as if in pain, "I wasn't able to stop Bellatrix from hurting you…"

I felt an inexplicable surge of anger at that. I felt strangely protective of this person, who still bears the guilt of someone else. "Don't apologize for the things she did. You didn't know what she was doing at that time. I don't hold it against you. You got us out in time. That's what matters," I said vehemently, my voice urging him to let go of the hurt plaguing him from the inside. It was not his fault. "And I'm sorry… for resenting you for being the hero when I thought you were a lost cause," I continued as I felt him place his head on my shoulder.

What is happening?! I don't want this. I don't want things to be up close and personal between us. But I can't help blurting out those stupid words when I hear him say things and mean it.

It went on and on. Thanking, apologizing, complimenting the other and murmuring gentle words so effortlessly as if we always did it. His scent, though not overpowering, is assailing my senses as I struggled not to squeeze him to death or let go impulsively, which would certainly reset the timer… Hmmm, resetting the timer might not be a bad idea…

Oh, boy, do I need to think of something else.

I need to think hideous and ugly and all things unpleasant. Zombie bunnies… hmmm… no, too cute. Dinosaurs- well those reptilian creatures are also leaning towards the cute department... Blobfish! Blobfish is horrifying.

Whoa… Is that his lips on my hair?! Did I wash my hair today? Damn it, I can't remember!

I dared to look at the timer and resisted the urge to blow things up as I saw that only three minutes have passed. I have this nagging suspicion that the parchment is deliberately trying to slow counting the seconds down but I bit off any type of protest because, right now, I am in its power. So, I continued spouting nice words to 'darling' (I'm definitely gonna brush my teeth raw tonight and gurgle some Listerine with 3 parts acid for good measure… then sing the national anthem, just in case) not even noticing the distracted, halting tone in which I delivered my compliments while my thoughts are directed to the burning of all Pockard's parchments and how I should go about it without being discovered. I really should pay Pockard a much needed visit sometime. I hope there'll be a lot of screaming- on his part. Oh, no, I forgot about my sainthood.

Malfoy, on the other hand, is murmuring compliments at me in that deep, alluring voice of his, totally unconscious to the sensual quality about it. Yet I only remember how our bodies are too close together in those remaining seconds and how it made me calm down a bit, which made me irrationally angry again, making my body go rigid. He must've noticed because his hands made soothing circles on my back and I, against my wishes, felt my traitorous body calming down again. Mmmm... Being in his arms is surprisingly delightful. I must be turning to mush.

Gah! Focus!

Gargoyles on a stick... Putrid sewer stench... Dungbombs... Mrs. Norris caterwauling... The Hulk- no,no. The Hulk is adorable. Barbie's rotating head- now that's terrifying! Guts everywhere…

The timer went off and instead of letting me go immediately, he gave me one last squeeze, then withdrew slowly.

His touch lingered and I am aware of him now more than ever. Why is it so hot in here? I'm suddenly getting all sweaty.

The Zone: where I can't see or hear anything… except him. The Zone is a bitch.

I could sense him get closer as he absentmindedly tried to readjust his sitting position. Thank God for that blessed sticking charm. He angled his body towards me instead then smirked at me, breaking the moment (and, thankfully, breaking me out of the Zone just as quickly) as my ire and extreme embarrassment crept back. Seriously, where'd he get that self-confidence from? I mean, a while ago (it felt like a years and years ago) he was so shy, he couldn't even look at me.

Well, I couldn't really face away from him because I am already sitting on the extreme edge of the seat so I covered my burning face with my hair, intentionally making a curtain between us. How I miss my severely frizzy hair from before the War! I shouldn't have let Ginny have full access to my hair. Now, it's only moderately frizzy which didn't quite cover the side of my face as thoroughly as it would have before.

"There's no need for you to hide your face, darling," Malfoy chuckled in good humor, noting my embarrassment. He's getting arrogant again. Well, I blame the Zone and my stupid mouth. Oh, gosh! What did I say earlier? I didn't get all mushy and pour my bloody heart out, did I? Did I?

"I'm not hiding," I muttered defensively. Then I added the word 'darling' as an afterthought. I was about to call him 'you stinking git', you see, but seeing as the endearment penalty is still on, I said it in the most spiteful voice I could muster.

"Then lift that thing you call hair from your face," he said, his hand reaching for this thing I call hair, almost as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

Forgive me if I glowered at his hand to within an inch of its puny life. The penalty for touchy-feely time has expired already!

"Don't. Just don't," I hissed at him, totally freaked out. It might suck me into The blasted Zone again.

He laughed again and lifted his hands, palms up, as if in surrender. "Okay. Okay. No need to get your knickers in a twist…." he said playfully. What is up with him? "So… what was that about the 'cute zombie bunnies' thing? I mean, my, what a huge compliment!" he added teasingly sarcastic, referring to the words that must've slipped from my stupid mouth while we were, er, squished together.

I groaned and waited for the tell-tale sign that the ground would open up to swallow me whole. He just laughed louder. My, isn't he laughing an awful lot today. Is there something funny somewhere that I can't see?

I happened to glance around and saw Dean and Daphne- and every other couple in the room, avidly watching us. How long they'd been at it, I haven't a clue, absorbed as I was with my thoughts… and the guy beside me that's turning out to be quite different than what I expected him to be. I really must've formed a fixed Malfoy image in my mind that's purely biased by his former association to the Dark side.

The parchment made a little buzzing noise, a little peeved from being ignored so I paid attention to it once more. Malfoy leaned in with me and 'accidentally' bumped my shoulder. I didn't even try to pull back. There is something seriously wrong with the world. Maybe it's tilting a different way.

I beamed when I found out that this was to be the last question. Freedom is within reach!

 _**Final Question: Now that you know more about each other, do you think that there is the slightest possibility that this relationship could work?**_

What now?!

My heart stopped for a second as my mind raced ahead, contemplating the question in earnest without my consent.

Malfoy is pensive beside me. He's probably wondering how he could phrase his response carefully. He better think about it carefully so it would hurt less. I'm still a girl after all. He then cleared his throat, peering at me sideways, wondering if he could go first.

"I think, uh… I think we could work. I mean, obviously it will take a whole lot of effort on your part, but I think we could get past whatever we have between us- in time," he said getting real confident towards the end of his statement.

I gaped at him. That was not what I was expecting. Did he just say, in an indirect way, that it wouldn't take a lot for him to accept our strange situation? Does he think he could possibly like me enough to marry me willingly? Of all the friggin', effing, combobulated, dilapidagated, adaghasting, shutupping, shuckitafftable…

"Er, Gra-, uh, darling? Are you okay?" he asked getting concerned. "Did someone stupefy you or something?"

When I didn't respond, he waved a hand in my face, "Hello?"

I snapped out of my distorted internal cursing and looked at him.

"You must be mad, Ma-, uh, darling," I told him, still gob smacked.

"Gee, thanks. But I mean it. You know, this is the first time that we really talked, semi-properly, mind you, without too many insults thrown along the way and it felt- okay. I mean, it was kind of great that we didn't feel the need to hex each other off," he shrugged a little too calm, studying me carefully.

"What a great basis for a probable relationship to work," I commented drily.

"Probable?" he asked, looking at me like I should know better. "We're practically engaged!"

I grew quiet at that. Engaged. Marry. Three kids. Frizzy hair. Grey eyes. Dead Pockard.

"Well?" he prodded gently. "What do you think? We did have a good conversation, or at least, it was good for me. I-" he was about to say something else but he stopped himself. His eyes full of doubt now.

I know… and that is what's bothering me. It was surprising how one semi-conversation could turn everything upside down. How it could turn my shallow, judgmental thoughts into a mess of what-ifs and forced self-reflection and over-all ferret-profile re-evaluation. How it felt like I was forcing myself to be disagreeable with him for the sake of being traditionally disagreeable when it could be something really natural if I just put my guard down for once. How this one conversation with him felt like I wouldn't mind doing it again just because.

How I would screw everything up just because my pride would not relent.

"My answer is… no," I said in a tone of finality. "I don't think we could work." It was weird how my heart constricted. How my throat suddenly had a lump lodged in it. Worse, his shoulders slumped as if in defeat, a manner not at all suited for the Malfoys. I forced myself to look away.

I waited for the parchment to release us from our seat. When I found myself still stuck, I turned towards the parchment to ask why it hasn't released us yet. It was, after all, the final question, which means we could escape now.

I was about to curse at it when everything I wanted to say died in my throat.

 _**Lie detected**_

Oh. My. God.

 _**Lie detected**_

Malfoy turned to look at me then the parchment then back at me, disbelief coloring his face.

 _**Lie detected**_

The parchment finally released us, not bothering to come up with another penalty. Is it just my imagination or does it look a little bit smug?

 _**Lie detected**_

I can't seem to take it off my mind, the words playing in a cruel loop. I moved in a daze and separated myself from the loveseat.

 _**Lie detected**_

Malfoy is still gaping at me.

 _**Lie detected**_

I could faintly feel the thousands of tiny, pin-prick needles, stabbing at my behind, down to my legs as the numbness from sitting too long subsided.

 _**Lie detected**_

Malfoy finally got his bearings together… and smiled.

 _**Lie detected**_

I fled.


	13. Candy Bar or Denial

**A/U: Sorry for the long wait... I was in a very long lazy spell. Also, thanks for the reviews they are very much appreciated. For those who followed and favorited this story, this chapter is for you guys. Enjoy!**

"Where have you been?!" Ginny hissed at me, marching towards me in big strides. Her eyes are bugging out, clearly pissed off and I almost stepped back. She looks so much like her mother when she gets angry. Now, if only I know why she's directing it at me…

"Well, er…"

"God, Hermione! We've been looking all over for you since Friday night!"

"What? Why?" I asked, puzzled.

"Why?! Why?! You just disappeared for two days straight after your couples session with Mr. Pockard!"

"Okay… so?"

"So?! SO!? 'Mione, when you disappear, people panic! Neville was so nervous he started barricading the male dorms with spells, Lavender heard about it and started doing the same with our room which is ridiculous since she shares the same room as you! I had to undo the entire thing…"

I don't really get how my disappearance and my friends panicking add up.

"Why? Is there something going on that I don't know about?"

Ginny looked at me incredulously. She was so spitting mad that her right eyebrow started spasming. When she saw that I was completely clueless, she pinched her nose bridge and took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Where have you been?"

"I have been tending to the unicorns…" I faltered, "… and that's a lie." I confessed nervously, seeing as I'm trapped under her death glare.

"O-kay…?" she prodded, her tone dangerously composed.

"I have been slumming in the kitchens with the house elves… baking pastries for the unfortunate, er, merpeople?…" Wow, I am not acing this lying thing, am I?

"Out with it Hermione." she grated at me, rapidly losing her cool again.

"I've been to Hagrid's…"

"And it's a lie, too, isn't it?" she fumed, reaching for her wand.

"Yup. Total bull-cracking codswallop." I admitted as I quickly raised me hands palms up as if to ward her off. Damn, Ginny can be so intimidating sometimes!

"So?"

"So what?" I asked, feigning confusion, which is probably a bad move since I don't easily get confused what with me being, ehem, me.

Of course, she saw right through me.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!" she screamed at me with her no-nonsense scream. I swear she grew a foot taller!

"Oh, alright. No need to shower me with spit. I poisoned Pockard. Spent most of my weekend in Diagon Alley, concocting a potion," I finally confessed. It was a feat I was itching to do ever since he gave me extra couple sessions with M. M as in Malfoy. Malfoy as in the dash- _er_ , annoying, albino Dracula…

"YOU WHAT?!"

"Hey! Step away, woman. It's like an American's very wet fourth of July in here!" I wiped my face with my sleeves. Can't she just be mad at me without all the grossness? Jeez.

"YOU POISONED POCKARD?!"

Ginny should really get her perspectives straight here. Which is, in order: a. No spitting on poor Hermione, b. Discuss matters calmly while sharing some of that candy tucked on her pocket and c. Ignore my ability to make mischief like a true friend or join me in making Pockard's life as miserable as possible like, _you know_ , a true friend.

"I'm really gonna need a bath," I said irritably as she ignored my pleas to keep the icky showers to a minimum while she plied me with repeated questions about Pockard's well-being. "Yep," I continued. "I poisoned Pockard. He won't be loitering the sacred halls of my beloved Hogwarts for two weeks at the very least."

"Why on earth would you do that?!" she asked loudly. It was all I could do not to roll my eyes and reply 'Duh' and risk her infamous bat-bogey hex.

"Well, Ginny, I don't know if you know this but he made my life very uncomfortable last session and it's only a matter of time really, he should've seen it coming. I've been thinking about permanent injury but I am a changed person now, so…"

"Uncomfortable, huh." She smirked at me, her anger suddenly replaced by a knowing stare. "Malfoy told us all about it. No wonder he was smiling even when he was worried about your disappearing act. He kept reassuring us that you'll be back when you're ready."

"Cocky, that guy is. Wait, why is he talking to you guys?" They better not be canoodling with the- I don't even know what he is to me anymore.

"Oh, please. We talk all the time when you're not with us," she scoffed at me like I should've known better.

"Treachery!"

"Oh, come on. It was only a matter of time. When you get married to him, he'll have to hang out with us anyway whether he likes it or not," she said in a breezy manner, completely forgetting that she is angry at me. "You know, he really likes you."

"Doubtful."

"Yeah… deny it all you want. It's what you do best," she said snidely with a wide smile, not-so-subtly referring to my last session.

"Oh, that ferret!"

"You mean, 'darling'…"

"Ginny…"

"Oh, I'm just teasing you, geez. No need to be so embarrassed."

"Please. I'm not embarrassed." I really am not!

"Lie detected!"

Where can I find a bloody bludger?

"Now, now. No need to be so incensed. If you're done imagining how to kill me in various ghastly ways, shall we go back to the dorms now? I have to show you to everyone so they would stop panicking about your absence," she said placatingly.

"Again, why are they panicking?" My friends are so irrational sometimes. My unexplained disappearance doesn't mean a bad omen… or at least, not to the people I care about.

"Well, do you remember Lavender and Ron and Neville and, basically, everyone has been dreading after the Journal thing?" Ginny asked me.

Oh, not this again.

"They thought I was out to get them?" I asked her even when I know the answer already.

"Exactly. They think you're finally on the move and was purchasing things to use and mix in your soup of revenge."

"That's nuts. You know I won't do it. And its, what, like forever ago?" I actually managed to forget all about it considering what happened lately- which is _not_ all I could think about.

"Er…"

"Oh, not you, too, Ginny!" I'm disappointed at her. At the very least she could have just taken my non-revenge plan a lot more seriously.

"Well, why not? I've been waiting for the explosion myself." She said it like it was a normal thing for me to plot revenge at every single atrocity aimed at me… _Well_ , it's true. But is it really weird for me not to be vengeful for once?

"Well, I promised myself I'd let you guys off the hook this time. You know, just because. But it's a one-time thing only." I said, willing her to believe me.

"Uh-huh…" She did not believe me. At all.

"Fine. If you don't believe me, why don't I just go ahead and start hexing everybody so they'd get off my case already? Do you want me to give you antlers?" I asked her irritably.

"Oh, good! That way, I could stop looking behind my back nervously… Hit me!"

"You are freakin' unbelievable!" I stormed off toward the castle but not before I swished my wand and gave her a pair of antlers.

You won't believe how happy she got.

…

At the first sign of my hair poking through the portrait hole, the common room rang with excited call to arms.

"Hermione's back!"

"She gave Ginny antlers!"

"Ginny, you traitor! We die together! You don't get an advanced pass!"

I'm not even gonna ask.

"Everybody, you know the drill! Get in formation!"

My good friends, everybody.

As the freshmen and sophomores were herded back to their rooms by the older ones, my friends started forming defensive positions. _Would you look at that_. World War III might originate at the Gryffindor common room.

I smacked my forehead. "Unbelievable."

"Don't you dare come any closer!" said a very brave Neville, drawing an imaginary line between me and them. "We know what you've been up to and we'll never be taken by surprise!" What a brave, shaky voice. I almost feel sorry for him, if I wasn't feeling so… _What the hell?_ Yeah, that feeling.

"Whatever it was you were doing while you're gone, well, we are prepared, so give it your best shot and be done with it!" Lavender said from behind Terry. McLaggen was pretending to be absorbed in a book, while nervously sneaking glances with Parvati. Ron and Harry, ever the heroes, placed themselves at the opposite sides towards me, ready to make Golden Trio pile when needed. Cho, Padma, Pansy, even Astoria was there, too, with wands at the ready. Dean, Luna and Cedric are missing. Probably hidden somewhere. Smart. I'm a really good defense strategy teacher (during Umbridge the Toad's reign of terror). If I only knew it could be used against me… They were probably waiting for some sneak attack from me and had me surrounded to contain whatever 'mischief' I'm up to. It was a really smart move. The only problem is: there is _no freaking_ problem.

"You people are so weird." I said earnestly. "I'm just gonna go…"… _and get a nice uninterrupted sleep and get away from these crazy, paranoid people._

"Hold it, Mione! Not so fast." Padma ordered me from her safe position- from under the couch.

"What?" I am getting tired of this paranoia. I'm not a freaking Volturi.

"Where've you been?" inquired Cho.

"Diagon Alley," I answered honestly.

"It's true." Ginny backed me up like a real friend. "And, oh, one more thing. She poisoned Pockard." Ginny added, still feeling great about her antlers. She's also a real pain.

"You WHAT!?" Everyone said in weary disapproval. I can see Ron, tightening his grip on his wand ( _not the metaphorical one, oh ye with nasty minds_ ).

"But don't worry, she isn't out to get us," Ginny continued, "She said we are 'pardoned' so cool it people."

"WHAT!?" everyone exclaimed with much more disbelief.

See, this is one of the things that make me really question my life choices. I don't really think they should be too shocked about me forgiving them any more than me poisoning Pockard. I mean, what have I been doing with my life, _like_ , seriously?

"Alright. Now that everything's been answered, get out of my way," I said tiredly, while musing at the all-important philosophical question: _Is it me or them?_

"Neville?" I asked when he still won't budge. He is blocking my way to the dorm room.

"You gave Ginny antlers."

"Can you please get to the point?" I asked him impatiently.

"I was wondering if you could, you know… If you want to, I don't mind a tail- or two…" he stammered.

"Cho, can you please explain for him? I don't see where he is going with this nonsense," I asked puzzled. Poor boy must not be right in the head.

Cho stood in front of Neville, holding his hand to hers, not unlike mothers do for their child. _Freaky,_ that couple is.

"What he meant is that, just to be sure, we want you to serve that dish best served cold anyway so we could stop being so paranoid about you catching us unawares and all…" Cho explained. I don't think they know what forgiveness means.

I am so out of patience.

"Okay, if you insist," I said through clenched teeth. "Everyone who wants a taste of Hermione-vengeance, line up!"

Every single one of them did. Honestly! Even the ones in hiding also decided to come out. With goofy smiles and anticipation no less. They are bloody crazy. I don't need to ponder the philosophical question anymore. It _is_ them.

After everyone has varying type of headgears installed on their stupid heads (they were celebrating their newly found peace of mind after days of agonizing about my _suspicious_ silence after the Journal Fiasco, the bloody lot), I am finally free to go.

Or not.

Not even reaching three steps ahead, Ron (with Mickey Mouse ears) blocked me.

"Er, please don't kill me. It wasn't my idea…" Ron said uneasily, chewing on his severely mutilated nails. I saw Pansy (with bull horns, hah!) on my periphery, suddenly become alert. That isn't a good sign.

"What is it Ron?" Something on his tone made me stand on guard. "Please tell me you didn't do anything stupid while I was gone." Did he cheat on my homework again?

"Well, er… Harry please help me out here," Ron said nervously. Don't tell me they got me in trouble again. I was just building a time machine on my spare time, not a robot army… I know I hid it very well… Lesson learned and all…

"Harry? What the hell is going on?"

"There is someone here, waiting for you," an amused Harry (with a shark fin installed on the top of his head) said as everyone, who were all goofy smiles, suddenly froze.

I'm dreading the nervous atmosphere already.

"Hi, darling!" Malfoy stepped out of hiding from one of the corners, greeting me with a sunny smile. My heart skipped a beat.

Awkward silence.

"Oh, hi darling!"

Is my mouth freaking kidding me? I didn't just say that, did I? My lips are involuntarily tugging at the corners. Good Merlin, I'm smiling!

My friends are misinterpreting something 'cause the atmosphere leapt from awkward to tense. No one dared to move or talk. Am I smiling right? I need a mirror to check if what they're seeing is a normal smile or the more grotesque kind of smile…

"I- I just came to see if you're alright," Malfoy said, not so sure of himself now.

How nice of him to ask for my well-being.

"As you can see, I am fine, thanks for your concern." I'm still smiling. God help us all.

The silence is almost overwhelming as if my friends are frozen slabs of stone.

"Can I talk to you for a bit outside?" Malfoy asked uncertainly.

I repeated his question in my mind a hundred times per millisecond. He wants to talk. _Talk!_ Talks are what got me in trouble in the first place! Talking with him is as dangerous as _fall_ \- I snapped out of it… mostly by imagining dousing myself with ice water.

"You most certainly… can't." I whirled away from them all and shut the door to my room.

My heart is pounding very hard. Its like the mighty Thor is hammering Mjolnir into my heart in fast successions. I concentrated on breathing. Inhale, exhale. Repeat.

It's not working! _Okay, calm down 'Mione, geez._

Inhale, exhale. Repeat.

I can't breathe! I _can't_ breathe!

Why am I still so worked up? You know, up until last week, I was cool with being in the same room as him, provided we give each other flak. But after the session last Friday, it's like something opened up inside of me and I'm flooded by conflicting emotions and something else. Something _strange_. That strange something makes me wanna rip him apart bare-handed then push him to a wall and rip his shirt- _oh, crap._ Let's try this again. _Okay._ It's like this: My blood boils at the sight of him yet my stomach tightens in a complicated knot. But maybe it's just that candy bar I filched from Ginny's pocket. _Huh_. That actually makes sense. It's the candy bar! I'll stop by the infirmary later after I get some nap.

Now if Thor could just stop hammering at my freaking heart, I'd like for the Black Widow to initiate the Hulk's lullaby on me. Brewing the potion that would give Pockard the cramps that only women feels during their you-know-whats (magnified a hundred times) was a breeze but it was exhausting trying to come up with a perfect plan on when to ambush him and force him to drink it. Let's just say, every single thing on my list of plans went south so I opted for the more simple solution of, cornering him (at some alley near a pub), knocking him down muggle style and forcing him to drink the potion witch style.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Great. When can I get some shut-eye in here without my paranoid friends checking up on my psycho-meter every time?

"Who is it?"

"It's me. Open up." Ferret Alert! _What the what?_

Doesn't he understand boundaries? I never went to the Slytherin dorms now, did I? Okay, _once_ during the Basilisk Scare, but that was made with the best of intentions…

"What do you want?" My stomach is tightening again. Weird. _No_! It's the candy bar, it's the candy bar, it's the candy freaking bar!

"I just wanna talk, alright? Please don't make it any harder than it already is," he pleaded.

"We don't have anything to talk about," I answered, trying to calm myself with the breathing thing some Indians cooked up centuries ago. It's quite useful. Thank you kama sutra… or was it something else?

"Yeah, we do. We've been drawing it out for far too long. Open up, Granger, or I'll blow the door up."

So it's threats now? A surge of anger welled up inside me. This is more like it.

"Wait! Let me do it!" I seethed.

I heard a snort on the other side of the door.

"Harhar. Very funny."

I blew the door up. Behind it stood an angry Malfoy.

"Why'd you blow the door up for?"

I just rolled my eyes.

...

Outside, walking towards the lake, a boy and a beautiful lady is bickering like children. At least the boy is very immature according to my excellent perception and the lady is really smart at handling things like that. (That's right, chaps. I'm that beautiful, smart lady.)

After the necessary insults were thrown, Malfoy suddenly stopped and looks to the ground. He kept sneaking glances at me and his hands were at his pockets. Classic pose of a person wanting to spit something out from his chest and doesn't know where to start.

"So… erm," he started nervously.

 _Ooh_ , Im'ma have some fun.

"So…erm?" I imitated him snidely. "Yep, we really do have a lot to talk about."

"No need to be so snarky. This is the first time we are talking without anyone telling us what to discuss," he defended himself. He's right, of course. Still wanna tease him more, _heh_.

"Maybe there ought to be someone spoon-feeding you what to say." Oh, sweet mama. _Burn!_

"Are we really gonna be like this all the time?" he asked a bit irritated. He looked at me serious-like and our eyes met. _Holy crap on Scrimgeour's tea!_

"I don't know what you're talking about," I feigned ignorance. Again, not a good route to take. Ignorance is practically not my area of expertise.

"So much for being smart," he teased knowingly. By the way, he is still looking at me. My stomach is doing all kinds of things again. Damn candy bar better not be expired… or is Ginny onto something about the denial thing?

"I am smart," I gloated while swatting the denial thoughts aside. Sometimes I'm really arrogant. Not that what I said isn't true…

"Then you should know what I'm talking about. Can we talk about our issues like normal people?" he asked sincerely. I blinked. There must be something wrong with my eyes because he suddenly looks like a man to me. With those stupid eyes and stupid hair. And that stupid sincerity radiating off his stupid, broad shoulders…

"Stop being so mature about it. Its creeping me out. I'm the mature one and so help me if you don't start acting like a baby like you were last… oh, okay… I just heard myself," I rambled off.

So, it's established. I am in no way capable of talking like a normal person with him. I mean, it's impossible without me saying something idiotic like what I just said. _I'm_ stupid!

He smiles, seeming to read my mind, "Well, it's probably time for us to accept that there is no escaping the Law…" Way to change the topic, dude! Just go dead-on, why don't you…

"Really? Can't you think of a way out?" I asked with a hint of pleading in my voice.

"Well, no."

"Oh, c'mmon. You didn't even try!"

"What can I say, Granger? I'm trying really hard to become a law-abiding citizen. In case you haven't noticed, my family is making slow but good progress on becoming really good people," he said, a bit frustrated about my incapability to understand his situation.

"I'd really appreciate it if you could just revert back to your, you know, murderous ways so we could destroy the Law then, after, we could move on to becoming top notch fellows again," I countered. It is a very feasible idea. Malfoys can be real crafty about manipulating people with money. It can also be said that if things don't go their way, well… they can still be very useful and let's say that their methods are very effective.

"Nice advice. But I'd rather avoid the path towards eternal damnation, if you don't mind," he answered drily.

"Oh, well, I tried."

And the conversation went on a dead-end. Should I just go? Or say bye first or what? I don't know the new protocol for our newfound whatever. Is it called civility? And before you say anything, yes, this is the most civil conversation we had without being forced to be civil. That's a lot of civils. Civil, civil, civil, civil…

"So…" he began again, trying very hard to ignore the awkwardness.

"So… see yah!" I was about to go when he caught my hand… I lost my balance and he caught me, and promptly found myself in his arms. _Nah_. That's too much of a cliché. No, I _did_ lose my balance and… I accidentally stepped on his foot. It was brilliant! I didn't even do it on purpose! Thank gravity!

"Wait! We-we aren't finished talking!" Malfoy eeped between words as he clung to my arm and jumped up and down in pain. "Merlin! That hurts!"

"What do we have left to talk about?" I asked him while giggling a very manly giggle. I snorted and everything!

"Arrangements. We better talk arrangements," he huffed and puffed. I noticed he's still holding my arm. Again, I feigned ignorance. Oh well, I heard its bliss… "Man, I'm gonna have to check if one of my toes are broken," he joked.

"Regarding what?" I asked him. "And I'm a bit sorry for stepping on your foot…"

"Oh, I don't know… Regarding the wedding? The marriage? I mean, sooner or later, we'd have to figure out how to compromise so we could live together without too much difficulty…" he answered and finally let go of me. "And it's a bit alright. I can feel it numbing down anyway."

"You've really given up, haven't you?" I asked him, suddenly serious. It has _nothing_ to do with him removing his hand from my arms.

"I've never really fought it in the first place… so, technically, I won't be giving up anything," he said offhandedly, with an undertone that suggests more meaning behind his words. _Great_. Like nothing's keeping me up at night already.

"You realize we are going to be bound to each other for the rest of our lives?" I interrogated him.

"I don't mind," he replied. There's that careful nonchalant thing again. It's like he is gauging my every expression. I can tell that he is weighing the words he's using very carefully.

I hate this thing where he is being very careful with me. I mean, we have been at each other's throats more often than not, so why the scrutiny? So of course I have to do something about it. So I said, "Of course, you don't. You like me."

"Wait, what?!" His ears are going red. How cute is that?

"Oh, do you really think I'm blind? You have feelings for me. I mean, look at me. I am really, really awesome. If I could, I'd marry myself," I continued teasing him. I like how flustered he gets.

"Well, you like me, too!" he exclaimed, too worked up.

"Oh, yeah?" I laughed. "Wait… _too_? Hah! You admit you like me! Oh, I knew it!" I know it isn't true but it's just too amusing seeing him like that and I feel like floating…

"You are so odd sometimes I forget you're a brilliant witch," he said, giving up.

"And you think I'm a brilliant witch! Oh, this is just so precious!" I am soaring, defying gravity!

"Okay… stop sidetracking me. We really need to discuss a lot of things," he pouted, POUTED, while looking at the ground, his ears still burning.

I should probably let up and find out about these things we need to discuss. "Since you amuse me, let's say, for the sake of argument, that we've given up fighting the Law. What then?"

"I think, first we have to get acquainted with each other's families," he said, back in business mode.

My eyes narrowed. "Are you trying to trick me into a trap? My mom and dad aren't going near you Malfoys!"

"Oh, come on. No tricks, no traps, just a peaceful meeting between families. Straight and narrow, remember?"

"Riight. Oh, look! Pigs do fly."

"They really do. I've seen magical pigs with bat wings in Northern Europe."

"Oh, shut it, smart ass."

"What can I do to make you feel safe around my family?" he asked, frustrated again.

"I'll meet them first to see if they can be on their best behavior. If they don't look like thirsty vampires out to get me, they'd probably merit a meeting with my parents. I think that if they are fine around me, they'd probably be fine around muggles, too." Yeah, like _that's_ happening. They'll probably pounce at first sight. I'm thinking about putting my friends' fondness for defense strategies to good use.

"Deal. How's next week?" he asked hastily.

"Whoa! Back up dude! I'm not meeting them that early." Talk about blitz! No advanced self-preparation would ever suffice meeting a Malfoy. First, I have to cleanse my soul and stuff. We can't have me going nuts around my in-law-to-be's.

 _Wait,_ back up a minute…

"Then when?" he asked again. Exactly… When did I start planning a life with him? Did he just…? _Whoa…_

"The deadline for sealing us in the tomb of commitment is up until December next year, so I'm thinking… November? Next year?" I hedged.

"That's cutting it too close, don't you think?" _Oh, I don't think so_ … This guy ain't trapping me.

"Hey, we have plenty of time to get to know each other for when we do get married," _and plenty of time to escape, I hope_ , "A lifetime of in-law quarrels, in-law manipulations… in-law plotting cause I won't take it sitting down…" I'll pretend to go along with this for now. I'll have to be careful not to get sucked into this conversation again next time… Dear Lord! There's a next time?! I think I'm getting kind of loopy…

"What do you think is gonna happen when we get married? In-lawmaggedon?" he asked, amused. He's looking at me as if my brain is something that should be opened and examined.

"I'm just visualizing the most optimistic setting…" I shrugged.

"That's optimistic? I'd hate to know what you think is the worst case scenario," he mused.

"You wouldn't. FYI, and that stands for 'For Your Information', it involves an army of trolls, voodoo dolls and wicked, _but_ adorable, zombie bunnies," I answered anyway… and who knows if it's gonna be enough.

He raised an eyebrow at that. "We are going nowhere," he said, still determining whether I'm serious or not. "Let's set the date another time… Now let's talk about where we're going to live."

 _Now what?!_ And just when I thought I dodged a bullet train…

"Just because we're getting married doesn't mean we have to live in the same house," I replied quickly. This conversation is getting out of hand!

"I strongly disagree," he said with a hint of steel on those eyes, boring at my skull. A few seconds passed. His gaze softened as his tone did when he asked, "Will you live in the Manor with me?"

"Are you crazy?" My turn to go all steel.

"The Manor is a house protected with ancient magic…"

"And my house is protected with the highest technological security device ever. What's your point?"

"Uh… Are you telling me to live in your house?" he asked apprehensively.

"I'm telling you to live where you live and I where I live!" I am sweating. What is this talk about living together?!

"And I'm telling you, we should live together," he said in a deceptively calm voice, his eyes trained intensely at me. The way he said it, like the matter wasn't up for discussion, was very hypnotic and I almost caved in…

I slapped myself to make the magnetic pull stop. "Well, this isn't going well either so how about we take a break and discuss all of this next year?" I asked. It's annoying how breathy I sound.

"You're impossible!" And he's back to frustrated.

"I know. I'm sorry. But believe it or not, this is me trying." And I really am. I'm trying to be nice about our inescapable- _if the Law could be believed_ \- fate. And, frankly, it's getting exhausting trying to be mean all the time when it's undeniable that we could string a conversation together without harming the other. But, like Ginny said, denial is what I'm best at.

Oh, no. I'm in _denial_?

"No, this is just you being difficult!" he pointed out. Another point to Slytherin.

"I know. I know, alright?" I said, a bit exhausted at all the sensory overload I've had throughout the day and it's not even lunch time yet! I mean, planning for something I haven't thought about before? It's crazy. I'm supposed to be a successful spinster for crying out loud.

He made a move, as if to hold my hand but stopped himself. He placed his hands in his pockets and looked, unseeing, at the ground.

"What should I do, Granger? What should I do?"

"I don't know." I said. I guess, being forced to acknowledge the possibility (and I think it's getting more and more probable as the days go by) of being tied to another person for life is making me all scared. It's something I can't learn from teachers or books. There isn't even any cheat sheets regarding our situation. It's something new and… I'm scared for what the ambiguous future has for me. "I don't know," I repeated. " I think, this time, I'm the problem."

This time, he didn't hold back. He held my hand gently. "I guess, we'll just have to take one step at a time and figure it out as we go on, together."

Crap. It isn't the candy bar.


	14. Attack of the Chaperones

This is so humiliating. If I knew I was gonna be _kidnapped_ tonight, I shouldn't have worn my Hulk boxer shorts. Especially if said Hulk is screaming SMASH! with his mouth wide open at the crotch area.

Looking in front of me, my ire just grew. He is sitting there, impeccably dressed with neatly pressed jet black, silk pajamas. He is bound to a chair, just like I am, and still managed to look dignified. Damn these Malfoys. Would it hurt them to dress down like us peasants?! Ugh!

I looked at my surroundings again. I see red. Literally. There are roses everywhere. In the raised dais, where we're currently in, was a romantic table setting complete with expensive candlelight and delicious food between me and him. Preposterous!

"Breathe, Granger," said an amused Malfoy. He looks for all the world like nothing's wrong.

"We are tied to a chair, Malfoy. In the middle of the night. Kidnapped from my slumber, the nerve of some people!" I hissed.

"Relax. They're not gonna hurt us, you know."

"Oh, I know." I glared at the people responsible for all these. They are sporting all kinds of bruises.

"Damn, Granger, what did you do? Launch a hippogriff at them?"

"Oh they deserve it," I said, quite proud of myself. "They broke the door in my dorm room and bound my hands like a criminal. Who wouldn't freak out?"

The attack started past midnight. I was sound asleep, after thinking an insane amount of time about my conversation with Malfoy that morning- when a loud blast woke me up. I saw five people walk past my roommates, going straight towards me. Before I could react, they already had me bound and gagged. They also took my wand. My roommates, who were members of the DA, took one look at my imploring face and went back to sleep. I am very touched at their confidence at my capability to defend myself but they could've at least given me a hand! But then I saw the crest on my captor's robes. Two hearts pierced by an arrow- Chaperones.

Their one mistake is they forgot to bind my feet. It is surprising what havoc I could cause with those humungous, manly legs- _of all the traits I could've inherited from my dad!_ They led me to the Great Hall, and I remembered being confused at whatever's happening. Then I saw Malfoy being dragged and bound to a chair too, in the most ridiculous idealistic setting ever created by house elves. Flowers, heart balloons, oversized ribbons, all in red.

Then it all clicked together. Pockard has mobilized the Chaperones. Or was it Dumbledore?

"You really shouldn't have poisoned Pockard," Malfoy said, still grinning, looking very comfortable. Is being tied to something normal for my future family?

"Are you enjoying this?" I asked incredulously. "They woke us up just to stage an ambush date!"

"You know they wouldn't have done this were you just a trifle bit cooperative about the whole couple thing," he smirked. "Nice shorts by the way."

Oh joy, he noticed. Of all the days I forgot to shave my legs… in freaking Hulk boxer shorts! From here on out I'd make sure to wear decent pj's.

"Face up here, Malfoy," I snapped at him.

"Honey thighs, mmm, very… alluring," he teased. When he saw that I am in no mood to banter, he sighed condescendingly and called out one of the chaperones to untie us. "We promise not to bolt," he added.

"I won't make any such promises," I spit out.

Lisa, one of the chaperones untied Malfoy and true to his word, he didn't run. She went to me next and hesitated.

"Untie me Lisa," I griped.

"Okay, but promise not to do anything that would make my colleagues use a sticking charm on you and that chair- again," she said, a bit apologetic.

"You have my wand anyway," _and I'm in no mood to run around this time of night_. "Can't you do this crap after I'm well rested? Don't you think it's too late to organize a random- whatever this is?"

"Actually, this is a part of your punishment…"

"Ah, so it's Dumbledore…" The old coot has grudge issues.

"… and we were told to make it as embarrassing and uncomfortable as possible- so the midnight invasive action plan." As if that explains this ludicrous lack of consideration to growing students.

"I thought it was Pockard who's might be nursing some form of vendetta against Granger…" Malfoy surmised, probably thinking about the reason for my disappearance not long ago.

"Oh, he is in no condition to do anything right now. He is, uh, suffering from, uh… he's indisposed for the time being," Lisa answered as she fiddled with the knots on my hands. _High five to my genius!_ "Anyway as long as he can't conduct Couple sessions, we are instructed to take his place."

… _And a kick to my shortsightedness…_ Not the Chaperones!

"Meaning?" I asked, stricken.

"It means a more difficult time for all of the difficult couples. In the meantime, please enjoy your time together." She went back to her post, melting on the background just like the others.

I didn't anticipate this.

"Nice work, Granger. With how things are going, we'll be married before Christmas," Malfoy commented drily as he reached for my favorite chocolate pie and cut it to bite-sized pieces. I should have reached for it first, dang it all.

"Might as well. Then maybe they'd stop harassing me," I said, still thinking about my new predicament. Without Pockard, of course there'll be back-ups. I didn't think for one second that it'll be handled by the Chaperones. If this is how they'll conduct extra couple sessions from now on, then I'm doomed.

"Here," Malfoy gave me half of the chocolate pie he cut to pieces.

It was enough to give me pause.

I'm getting this warm, fuzzy feeling in my gut. "Are we nice to each other now?" I asked him.

"Well, why not?" he asked.

"Wh-why not indeed…" I stammered, taking the plate he offered. I want me some choco pie anyway…

"So I guess, we'll have to expect more of these set-ups as long as Pockard's out…" he thought out loud while helping himself with a spoonful.

"…or as long as they think we need it…"

"Hmm. You know they'll stop once we actually get along, right?"

"We are getting along nicely, Malfoy."

"Uh-huh. Wejust _might_ have varying opinions on what we consider ' _getting along'…_ "

"What? We aren't cussing…"

"- _yet_ "

"… we aren't hexing each other…"

"- _oh, believe me I won't but I can't vouch for someone else_ …"

"…and we just shared pies for Merlin's sake!"

"- _small triumph…_ "

"Not a small one," I disagreed. "I wouldn't have accepted the pie without checking for poison- _wait_ , is this gonna give me diarrhea or something?"

"And we're back to square one," he rolled his eyes at me.

"Are you sure? I mean, it's past midnight and I am sleep-deprived so my cautious nature is snoring a bit…"

"No I didn't do anything strange to your pie. Honestly!" he exclaimed and to prove it, he ate one from my plate. We are sharing food straight out of plates now, too, apparently.

"Okay. Just checking. So… you we're really just being nice?" I asked again because I found it weird.

"You don't have to over-analyze everything, Granger," he said gruffly. His ears are reddening slightly, though.

"Interesting," I mused. He _is_ being nice. Why do I find that so funny? Maybe because it's past midnight and he must be nice during these hours. Like I am a bit careless during this time of night. An alert Hermione doesn't readily accept anything from Malfoys- especially things that can be ingested and might explode later on my rear end.

"Why are you laughing?" Malfoy asked, wide eyed.

"Nothing," I replied. Time to test my hypothesis. "Pour me a glass of milk, would you please?"

He acted automatically and gallantly poured me a glass. I giggled.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just checking something," I answered quickly.

"Okay… so, as I was saying, we should really show them that we are getting along so they'd stop being so nosy about our business," he reiterated, fiddling with his spoon.

"Well we are already doing that, aren't we?"

"I guess but shouldn't we, I don't know, maybe plan something together…?" he inquired while glancing sidelong at me.

"Like what?" I asked genuinely curious. What could we possibly do that would make the Chaperones leave us alone except- _oh!_

"Uh, I don't know… just cause, well, er-never mind. Just that, they might do something more next time… So maybe we could-" he stammered. He's adorable when his mind is a bit addled by the lack of Z's.

"Oh, relax. We are the epitome of niceness tonight, they'll see that and retract their claws," I said quite sure of myself.

They didn't see it.

Wednesday, as we were studying Nifflers with Hagrid, the Chaperones came again, interrupting the lesson.

"Hermione Granger, come in front please," said the Chaperone in a no-nonsense voice.

I went in front of the class, feeling a bit sweaty. Did they know it was me behind the food exploding on their faces this morning?

"You are charged to sing a romantic song for Mr. Malfoy in front of the class."

My brows furrowed in confusion. "What…?!" _Charged?!_

"Oh, did you think you're punishment was over? Dear Ms. Granger, you are mistaken. The Headmaster gave us free reign to give you as much trouble as you've given wherever, whenever, remember?"

"But I thought-" I was about to say Malfoy and I got along nicely enough last night but changed course. "But your timing is way off," I protested. "We are in the middle of a lecture," I added, looking pleadingly at Hagrid.

Hagrid smiled ruefully and said, "Sorry, 'ermione. Them Professors are in on it, too. And you know I can't go against the 'eadmaster…"

I can't believe him. I looked at my classmates, Gryffindors and Slytherins alike and they look like they're having the time of their lives.

"And if I don't?" I countered.

"Well, then the lecture won't resume…"

Do they really think that I give a rat's ass over a single lecture?

"…and we'll keep interrupting your other classes till you sing."

Well, damn!

"Sing, sing, sing!" my classmates started chanting, spearheaded by the traitorous Ginny, while Nott and Blaise dragged a very embarrassed Malfoy to a front row seat.

I'm already feeling sorry for all of them.

I geared myself up and I sang 'Marry You' by Bruno Mars ( _very fitting don't you think_?) at the top of my lungs. It's the most romantic song I know aside from 'A Thousand Years' by Christina Perri and I know better than to sing that one because, come on, a thousand years is too long.

I was very nearly stoned to death. Apparently, people like me shouldn't sing at all.

When I finished, almost everyone had their ears covered. Malfoy on the other hand, felt obligated to clap while his ears bled away. The chaperones were already gone… as well as Hagrid. So, I guess classes wouldn't resume anyway even when I already sang.

Hopefully, that would be the last time the Chaperones ever bother me.

I should have known better.

Thursday. I was in the library, organizing a study session with Harry and Ron.

"'Mione, do you really think I'll read every single book you lob at me?" Ron asked drily, not even bothering to glance at the book I just handed to him.

"You will if you wanna be an Auror. May I remind you that you are failing Potions- again."

"Oh, c'mmon. Professor Snape is just trying to fail me because he still wants to keep up with the pretense of hating me."

"Pretense?" I laughed.

"Ron, Professor Snape hates us," Harry said, while pretending to read an Arithmancy textbook.

"No, he doesn't. He loves us. Just last week, he bashed our heads together!"

"And that doesn't tell you something?" Harry snorted, trying to keep his tone hushed.

"Yeah, that he wants to keep our attention towards him all the time!" Ron said, sure of himself.

"Of course, he does. He is teaching us stuff so you don't blow potions up again!" I explained for his thick skull.

Just then, another Chaperone came in. I didn't really care because the library is sacred and besides, they won't do anything to anger Madam Pince.

I was wrong.

"Hermione Granger? There is a letter for you from Draco Malfoy," he announced in a big voice.

A letter? Oh, God. They tortured Malfoy into spitting out a letter for me! Where the hell is Madam Pince?

"Shush!" I exclaimed in hushed tones. "Give me that!"

"No, I'm supposed to read it for you out loud," he boomed, not at all concerned how loud he sounded.

I am beyond aghast. I was about to wrestle him when Harry and Ron took one hand each and pinned me to my seat.

"Harry, *umph* Ron, I swear I'll…"

"Sorry, 'Mione, you don't really want to cause a casualty here, do you? It's your precious library. God help us if some bookshelves got turned over!" Harry reasoned while dropping his entire weight on my lap, clinging to my left hand firmly.

"Get off me, you weigh like a ton, you cow!"

"Read it now! We might not be able to hold it for long!" Ron shouted at the Chaperone, very eager to hear every word, while holding my head and my right arm in a choke hold.

For all my strength I couldn't free myself and I was pinned helpless as the Chaperone cleared his throat and read Malfoy's letter for everyone to hear.

" _Dear Hermione, Can I call you Hermione?"_ My jaw got unhinged at the very first line and I forgot to struggle my way out to freedom.

" _Today, the Chaperones asked me very nicely to write you a letter while holding my pets Goyle and his cat hostage_ ," the Chaperone read. " _They said for every second I hesitated, they will be tickled silly for a minute. I don't know how they could tickle a cat so I hesitated briefly to see how it's done._ "

Hmmm. That made perfect sense…

" _It was hilarious to say the least_ ," he continued reading. " _Anyway, this letter is supposed to be romantic, so I'll try making it sound as cheesy as possible to satisfy the Chaperones_."

"Hey! How did they tickle the cat?" asked Harry, Ron and I together… and all the students in the library who started crowding around the Chaperone.

"It didn't say," the Chaperone named Adam answered amidst disappointed sighs, then continued, " _From the moment I gave you large front teeth and you cried in front of me for the first time, my heart broke. I thought I was being funny and I'm sorry that it hurt you. Then came the punch, the punch that had me dreaming about stars and you ever since. It didn't help that we were always bantering away, which in my mind became flirting. Soon, I came to treasure every hex, every insults you hurl my way and I found myself challenging you for the sake of receiving your love."_

"Bloody hell…" Ron said, unconsciously loosening his grip on me.

"He is one disturbed fella," Harry agreed, still sitting on my lap.

"Oh, it's all bollocks," I said, snorting. He actually made our fights sound romantic.

"We had no idea!" some Hufflepuff swooned. Wow. She bought that?

" _And now, we are drawn together by an unexpected twist of fate,_ " Adam went on as some Ravenclaws sighed in the background. " _Exactly the opportunity I've been waiting for to finally say what I've been dying to ask you._ "

The Chaperone paused for air. The room waited with baited breath.

When he pulled out a hanky to wipe his forehead, he was nearly mobbed for taking too long.

"Okay, okay!" Adam put the hanky back in his pocket without using it and read on. " _Who the hell is Legolas?_ "

I laughed.

" _By the way, I am named after a constellation so it is only fitting that our children are named after one. I enclosed a list of names for boys and girls that is acceptable for me, you can pick whichever you like from the list._ "

Adam handed me a piece of parchment with 50 or more baby names, while our audience _oohed_ and _ahhed_. I thought of tearing it apart for his audacity at giving it to me this early but I changed my mind at the last second and placed it on my pocket. Harry, who is still sitting on my lap, raised an eyebrow at me and I just shrugged. With Harry there and Ron's arms around my neck- _and armpit_ , it's like having babies of my own.

" _By the way, Dean Thomas told me that you will never consider me at all if I didn't have any knowledge of the Avengers so I promise to watch it on those muggle contraptions you're so fond of. He also said to watch, uh, was it pern- no ponn?or whatever it is because it is supposed to be amazing. Anyway, I just want you to know that this is me trying, okay?_ "

The hoots were louder this time, mainly because of what Dean advised Malfoy to watch.

"Man, I would pay to see the look in his face when he discovers what 'pern' is," Harry chuckled.

"And I am going to make Dean watch Saw and see what he thinks," I gritted my teeth.

" _PS. Mom had prepared invites to over a thousand guests for our impending wedding. She is impatiently asking me if we have a date in mind. PPS. Don't kill the messenger. Only ever yours, Draco."_

I tossed Harry from my lap to the floor, thinking about sending a Howler to the Malfoy Manor right away but Ron managed to hang on to my neck and I tumbled backwards. We wrestled (it was so unfair let me tell you) till we got too weak to stand up before remembering we have magic. By then we had lost too much strength to even lift a finger and just lay down, drained, on the floor, our study session completely forgotten.

By now, I already assumed that the worst isn't over. And I hate that this constant wave of attack from the Chaperones are too random to be expected at a precise time. So this Friday, I was on constant vigilance.

I was walking with Luna, Padma, and of course Cedric- the unabashed Luna stalker- in an abandoned corridor on our way to our advanced Arithmancy class when I heard a noise at my back. I had my wand out in a flash.

"Why so jumpy today, Hermione?" asked Padma, smirking. She knows all too well why. Everyone knows why. In fact, rumor has it that they even started making suggestions for the Chaperones!

"Oh stop it, Padma. If I am in her shoes, I'd be jumpy too," Luna defended me, very much sympathetic to my plight. "The Chaperones are targeting Hannah Abbot and her partner, too. And I heard they are already contemplating their next target." She added, looking at Cedric sideways and shuddered. He didn't try to be discreet at following her anymore. He is always seen by her side, walking her between classes, eating beside her, hovering at all times. Poor girl. Fortunately for her, the Chaperones would never bother her since Cedric is already smothering her far too much.

"Really? That's good. If they have to attack many couples at once, maybe they'd lay off me a bit," I said, running statistics in my head. There are currently 20 Chaperones. Drat.

We all stopped walking when we heard a voice crying out for help.

" _Is somebody there? Please let me out!_ "

"Ugh. Another one," Padma snorted. "When will the people here start growing up and stop locking students in abandoned places?"

We followed the voice toward a broom closet. The closer we got, the more I recognized the voice.

" _I'm stuck here! Please, someone! Let me out!_ "

"We're here," Cedric said. "I got you, don't worry." Ever the knight in shining armor.

Cedric opened the door to the closet and we saw Malfoy exhaling in relief.

"Thanks, mate." Malfoy told Cedric, coming out the door. " I can't blast the door open, for some reason, the closet doesn't respond to magic."

"Who did it?" I asked, amused.

"I don't know. Didn't see," he grumbled while wiping spider webs from his robe.

"Do you need my help to _ferret_ out the suspect?" I laughed at my own joke.

"Nah, I'd probably just start hexing anybody till they get the point. Hopefully, the one who put me in there gets the message," he replied, a hint of smile playing in his lips.

"I suggest you start with the Chaperones, then."

"I think I will."

"Ooh… maybe we should give the couple some privacy," Padma teased. "C'mmon Luna, Cedric. I can't breathe from too much _love_ in the air…"

"Or we could just do this!" Luna shouted and pushed me towards the broom closet. Cedric followed suit and pushed Malfoy in as well. Before we could stand up, the door closed with a loud bang.

I can't believe this is happening! "Luna! Luna, get back here and open the door!" I screamed while banging the door. Malfoy just sat down, sulking for being trapped again.

"Sorry, Hermione but Cedric told me he'd take me cork shopping if I did what the Chaperones told us to do…" Luna explained, her voice pleading me to understand.

"I'd take you cork shopping myself, and and- I'll give you that teddy bear you like so much!" I negotiated desperately.

"Really?" Luna squealed. I have her!

"Really!" I yelled. "Now, let us out!"

"I'll add in that muggle shopping cart you wanted!" Cedric offered.

I smirked. "Well, Malfoy here will give you a hundred shopping carts and a kick ass Lamborghini!" I shouted and turned to look at the wealthiest wizard I know. "Malfoy, what are you doing? Tell her you'd do it!"

"Ah, yes! What she said!" he agreed, also desperate. "Er, what's a Lambergenie?"

"Oka-"

"Wait!" Cedric shouted. "I'd take you snorcack-hunting! Hah! Top that!"

Silence was profound on our side of the door. Nobody wants to go snorcack hunting for anything. Eh, what's an hour locked in a cramped closet anyway?

"Oh sh-"

Ahh, Cedric finally heard himself.

"You'd really take me snorcack hunting?" Luna asked in a very angelic, innocent voice that fools everybody.

"Er, uh, yeah, I guess I will," Cedric stammered. How I wish I could see his hapless face!

"You guess?" I could picture Luna unleashing her round, baby blues to her helpless suitor.

"I _will_ take you snorcack hunting, I promise." And as expected, Cedric doesn't have any choice in the matter. He's lost, just like everybody else the moment she says it like that. I'm 100% sure it's a calculated expression, but who cares. She's adorable that way.

I heard their footsteps fade away when, "Hey! I'm still here, bleeding, thank you very much for elbowing me in your excitement in pushing them in… Hey, wait up!"

I forgot about Padma!

"Padma! Let us out, Padma!" Malfoy and I yelled and yelled in vain.

She was already gone.

Then there was silence.

After a long, long time…

"The sun must be setting, I can't believe they didn't let us out yet!"

"It's not even a minute yet, Hermione."

I started, looking at Malfoy. He is making himself comfortable on a corner, arms crossed, legs stretched out and head leaning on the wall.

"Are we in first name basis now?" I asked.

"Why not?" he asked, looking straight at me. _Those grey eyes are really something, aren't they?_

Again, I found myself agreeing, "Wh-Why not indeed…"

"Sit down, you're giving me a headache," he all but commanded. _Grumpy much?_

I sat down opposite from him and it made me realize how cramped this closet is. There's barely any room for two people to sit down, with legs stretched out. I could actually feel his legs pressing against the side of mine. It was awkward to say the least.

I tried to sleep but it's useless. I'm just too nervous. I don't expect anything to happen but there's something in the air. Or maybe because I can feel him staring.

"Can you stop biting your lip? It's too… distracting," he said after a few minutes or hours, I don't know.

"Then stop looking at it," I snapped.

"I can't."

I rolled my eyes and stopped chewing. I'm still on edge. What is up with me?

"Can you stop tapping your fingers on the wall?"

"Just close your eyes if it's irritating you so much, Malfoy."

"It's Draco."

"Right."

He's still looking at me…

"What?" I asked him to hide my discomfort. "Is there something else you want me to stop doing?"

"Stop calling me Malfoy."

"Right."

He is still staring.

"What in the hell is wrong with you? Stop staring at me."

"Why? Nervous much?" he asked, flashing me a greasy smile as he leaned forward, without breaking eye contact.

I refuse to back down so I stared right back and said, "No, Draco. Not nervous at all."

He stopped smirking. Something changed in his eyes and I felt something else in the air. His eyes smoldered like molten lead as he drew his gaze towards my lips.

Warning bells are ringing inside my head as he leaned in closer and closer…

I stopped breathing. My pulse raced. Still he came ever closer…

I closed my eyes.

I felt his hand lightly tracing my jaw, leaving trails of tingles in its wake. I can feel his breath on my face.

Then I heard a loud knock from the other side of the door.

"Hermione! Draco! Are you in there?"

We jumped in surprise, and accidentally bumped each other's head.

"Ow!" I howled, clutching my forehead. I barely kept in all the bad words I wanna use right now. Some got out, though. Mal- Draco was rubbing his chin silently but he was doubled over in pain.

"Hey, are you alright in there?" asked what sounded like Pansy.

"Pansy!" I cried with joy… and a hell lot of annoyance. "We're here!"

"Open the door," Draco said irritably, but I'm attributing that to his pain.

The door opened, bless her soul… and damn her to eternity!

When we got out, Draco's hands probed around my head gently. "Does it still hurt?"

"I'm fine. I've had worse," I assured him, a bit embarrassed. It might be my imagination but I think he stroked my cheek with his fingers before lowering his hands back down. "You?"

"I'll live," he smiled, then winced in pain.

I saw Harry, Ron, Pansy… and Luna looking at us weirdly.

"Uh, thanks for getting us out," I said, grateful and resentful at the same time.

"Luna told us you were trapped in here," Pansy began, " But I guess, we shouldn't have rescued you yet…" Her lips stretched wide, meaningfully eyeing us up.

"Anyway," Harry interrupted her, "we know you'd never want to miss your advanced Arithmancy subject so we hurried over."

"What were you two doing in there?!" Ron asked loudly. Draco coughed self-consciously.

"Luna and Cedric happened," I said by way of explanation and turned to glare at the witch.

"Are you mad at me?" Luna asked me really piteously, then extending her hand towards me, palms up, my anger at her suddenly disappeared. She was clutching an Iron Man bubble head, handing it out as a peace offering.

"I love you, Luna!" I shrieked, blindsided yet again by her charms, but still happy. Clearly, she consulted Harry.

"Hey!" Malfoy protested.

Luna turned towards him and handed him some very expensive candy bars.

"Alright," he said, easily appeased, his eyes glued at his newly acquired treats. "We're cool."

I saw Pansy wink at her.

That night, I dreamed about grey eyes, warm sighs- and a door closing shut. It felt ominous for some reason.

Saturday, I was roused by a persistent tapping on the window next to my bed. I looked at the clock and groaned. It's still too early. I went back to sleep but the infernal tapping just got louder.

"Bloody owls. Too frakkin' smart…" I grumbled as I retrieved the parchment tied to its leg.

I unrolled the paper and froze. Malfoy- I mean Draco wants to meet me at the Three Broomstick ASAP. So I dressed in a hurry and off I went.

"There you are," Draco greeted me with a smile when he spotted me by the door. There are already two mugs of hot butterbeers waiting at the table.

"What's the emergency?"

"Oh, nothing. Just wanna escape before the Chaperones find us. Who knows what they have in store for us today."

"We need a plan," I said, feeling a bit tolerant for now. It was freezing cold this time of the year and I would've preferred staying at the common room and cozy up next to the fire but he's right- the Chaperones are bound to ruin it anyway.

"I'm getting annoyed at them myself," Malfoy responded, sipping his butterbeer. He wore a navy blue, long-sleeve turtleneck, highlighting his fair skin, and a pair of ripped bleached jeans. He looked like someone who's modeling for Vogue. I wondered what I must've looked like next to him.

"Okay, so maybe taking Pockard out for a couple of weeks is a mistake," I started.

"You don't say," he commented drily.

"… so we take the Chaperones out as well…" saying my thoughts out loud.

"Okay, whoa…" he interjected. I held up a hand to shut him up.

"… with some poppy seeds, a dragon's scale and some bubotuber leaf, I'd be able to brew a potion for dreamless sleep!" I continued.

"And when they wake up again, what then?"

"We'll just take them down all over again. Isn't that exciting?"

"Okay, first of all, it isn't exciting- it's tiresome. Second, when they catch on, and they will, they'll be more vigilant, making it harder for us to knock them down. Lastly, they'll make our lives more miserable."

"Alright, smarty pants. What do you propose we do?"

"It's obvious. Let's start dating."

My mind buffered for a bit then- "That's perfect!"

"Really?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes, really! We could pretend to date and act like a couple. Then we'll be off the extra couple sessions and the chaperones would leave us alone! Brilliant!"

He blinked. "Who said anything about pretense?"

I think I need to clean my ears.

When I didn't respond, he continued, "If you need more time to think about it…"

"Counter proposal…" I hedged.

"You don't get any more passes, Granger. We've talked, hugged, flirted…"

"Flirted?!" I spilled my butterbeer. "When?"

He ignored me and went on, "… and clearly there is something there. Don't you think it's about time we got together properly?"

"Uh…" I was still flabbergasted. I don't know how to respond yet. My brain is taking its sweet time to load.

"At least tell me you'll think about it," he said while wiping my mouth with napkin.

"I'll think about it," I repeated after him. It's still blank. My mind is still blank.

"Alright, while you're thinking about it, let's have a chaperone-free day and just enjoy our well-earned freedom," he said, his eyes crinkling up with a shrewd smile.

"Uh-huh."

"Let's start with getting you new clothes," he suggested quickly.

"Why? Whats wrong with my clothes?"

"Oh, trust me. It's an eyesore."

Later that day, people gaped as the unusual couple strutted like they owned the streets, seemingly unaware of the attention they're attracting. Hermione's friends were especially astounded at their carefree banters and the laughter that seemed to echo all around them. A few people, however, didn't find it surprising at all and profusely thanked the stars because Hogwarts' future is finally looking up. For it meant no more hissy fits from a certain hot-tempered witch and the walls of the castle can finally breathe in peace.

Later that night…

"IT WAS A DATE?!"


	15. The Back-up Plan

"IT WAS A DATE?!"

"For someone so smart, you could be so dense, 'Mione," Ginny observed.

My girlfriends Ginny, Lavender, Parvati and I are currently tucked in huge blankets next to the fire at the Gryffindor common room. The late hour combined with snow makes for a great lullaby so we have the room to ourselves. I think we should all go to sleep just like the rest but they are wide awake, grilling me about every tiny detail regarding my 'date' with Draco.

"Did you hold hands?" asked Parvati eagerly.

"No," I answered.

"Did he kiss you?" Lavender asked while conjuring a pillow and demonstrated kissing in case I didn't get it.

"No- and stop frenching that poor pillow!"

"Oh, for heaven's sake! Did he at least open the door for you?" Parvati asked, frustrated by the lack of romance involved.

"He did, a couple of times. I opened the door for him next, in case he wants me to return the favor or whatever- he bought me a full set of clothes anyway _._ Fat good it did me. Instead of being impressed at my excellent manners, he looked a tad offended," I answered, still puzzled. I mean, I liked it when he did it for me. Does it only work for men?

"Oh, you poor idiot," Ginny said patronizingly. "A gentleman opens the door for a lady. When a lady opens the door for his man, it doesn't reflect well on him."

"Well that's ridiculous."

"So are a lot of societal norms."

"What did you talk about?" Parvati asked persistently.

"Just small stuff."

"Like what, Hermione, like what? Give me some details, I'm dying here!" Lavender whined. She is biting the pillow she just kissed not long ago and one look tells me that I'm the one she wants to rip into pieces but she's making do with it- for now.

"He told me the difference between men's and women's wear in great detail. Apparently, women are, in under no circumstance, wear boxer shorts and you'll be happy to know that I strongly disagreed" I recalled. "He also criticized my hair and made me go to a hair salon, the prick. Turns out I loved every second of it. Now look at my hair," I beamed. No more frizzy locks! The witches there were so good with what they do. I just realized what having crap loads of money could do.

"So it takes a Malfoy to change your wayward fashion sense. We couldn't even get you to go out shopping for clothes," said Lavender, sulking a bit. She was always dying to change my wardrobes into something more like K-pop- which she wrongly translated into: everything ripped over everything plaid.

"Of course you can't but she goes crazy over character items," Parvati commented. "She never gets enough of Star Wars bed sheets, Avenger shirts and Lord of the Rings mugs. Have you seen her closet? It's like the Dorks Incorporated."

"-and I am a proud member!" I defended myself. I don't get why they don't own at least a pair of Batman socks. They're lovely!

"So you went dress shopping and had your hair done. What else?" Ginny asked impatiently.

"We ate and talked and played Never Have I Ever with Unlucky Dip. That was fun."

"And?"

"Let's just say that we have a short list of things we've never done before…"

"You're no fun."

"Yeah, 'Mione. Nothing to spill at all?"

"Nothing, say, juicy stuff where you accidentally brush your hands together, where he pretended to reach for something to your back so he could sort of hug you… where he couldn't help himself anymore and just grabbed your shoulders, pushed you on a wall, his lips inching closer and closer to yours… "

I choked on my cocoa.

"Aha! There was something!" Lavender punched the air with her fist while Ginny and Lavender started eyeing me more suspiciously.

My throat hurts. Does nobody care about me coughing here like a drowning cat? Some friends.

"I'll tell you one thing but it's probably nothing special…" I began after cleaning myself up. "We had a moment."

"Go on," Ginny encouraged me.

"We were at the candy shop and I asked him- since he likes candies so much- for the sweetest thing he'd ever had. He looked at my lips and said, ' _I don't know. I haven't tasted it yet_.'… Then, uh, he shifted his eyes to mine, and we sort of just stared at each other until the shop owner coughed loudly and told us not to start anything indecent and to buy candies already."

I can't stop wondering what would have happened if nobody interrupted us… what it would feel like…

My friends shrieked in delight, interrupting my thoughts.

"That's what I'm talkin' about! Hurray for Malfoy!" cried Parvati.

"That is good, 'Mione. It means he's attracted to you!" Ginny loudly asserted.

"Of course he is. Look at me!"

"Do you need practice, 'Mione?" asked Lavender. "I heard you gave it to Astoria good…"

I smacked her but she quickly dodged me. Damn. DA members have good reflexes.

"Anyway how are things with Blaise, Ginny?" I asked to divert the subject.

"Oh, they have the boring kind of love," Parvati said, not at all interested. "The shortest fight they had was an hour- then they are back to being love stricken fools. Very normal."

"Hey!" Ginny protested. "We are just savoring this phase in our relationship. But, you know, underneath all the normalness, there is this undercurrent of something really exciting. You just don't see it- blind as you are."

"Yeah, yeah. Parvati just envies you cause Cormac doesn't give her as much time as he does a mirror," Lavender commented snidely.

"Oh, he's actually really sweet…" Parvati disagreed.

"What?! Parvati, he never pays attention to you. If I were you, I'd smack the living daylights out of him and break all the mirrors in the castle- the spoons, too." Ginny argued.

"You've got a point, Ginny," I acknowledged her. "I'm the last one to defend McLaggen but don't you see him always by Parvati's side? Well, his face glued to a mirror, yeah- but the point is, he's there." I observed him during mealtimes and the times when our friends gather together just to talk. He never says much about anything except if it's got anything to do with himself- _then_ he goes on and on. But he's glued to Parvati's side just like his face is to any reflective surface.

"Yeah, but there is no romance!" Lavender complained.

"There is, Lav," Parvati said, smiling. "There are odd times when he becomes thoughtful all of a sudden, takes me off-guard most of the time. I prefer him like that, though. If it's always romance, then I'm bound to get tired of it."

"Speak for yourself"

"Terry isn't that great a romantic, Lav," I said just to get her off Parvati's back. She sent me a small smile.

"He is!" Lavender claimed. "He goes where I go, does whatever I tell him to do, and caters to my every whim!"

"That's called slavery," Ginny deadpanned. Parvati and I nodded in agreement.

"No, it's the job description for boyfriends," she argued stubbornly.

"And what's your job?"

"Why, to enjoy every second of it!"

We rolled our eyes at her.

I heard footsteps coming from the Fat Lady's portrait hole then I saw a bespectacled head poking out of the door.

"Harry! I thought you already slept in, where's Ron?" I asked him. I wonder what he's doing wandering outside late at night. He better not do anything risky without involving me!

"Oh, I think he's already sleeping," he said. "Uh, Hermione, can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Harry. What's up?"

"Er- can I talk to you alone?" he requested while fidgeting- never a good sign.

Ginny got up, still rolled up in her blankets and said, "Oh, alright, we can take a hint. We'll go and leave you two be, come on girls."

"Go on, Ginny. I'll catch up with you later…" Lavender said.

"Lav…"

"Oh, don't mind me Harry, I'm just gonna be here… drinking cocoa… not at all prying…"

"No, you are coming with us now, Lav. Get up, you busybody, you!" Parvati said as they hauled her off her butt.

"Hermione!" she yelled pleadingly with her lips on full pout mode.

"Sorry, Lav."

She was very put off and made her exit with Ginny and Parvati dragging her on each arm, while she stubbornly dug her heels on the carpet to no avail.

After they left, Harry sat next to me and I shared my blanket with him. His brows are furrowed and he's twiddling his fingers again. Whatever he's thinking so seriously about, I'm never gonna know unless he tells me. Yet, he didn't say a word. My brows started furrowing, too. He knows that I dislike waiting for too long because my overactive mind is leaping to wild conclusions every time he does that. Still, nothing.

Oh, for Merlin's sake…

"Okay… Harry, what's going on? Don't tell me we have to save the world again- I've told you many times before to stay out of prophecies!"

He looked at me and laughed, "If only it were that simple."

I gawked at him, "Hey, war isn't simple."

"It is, 'Mione. You just have to choose good over evil and make do with what abilities you have to support the just cause."

"You make it sound so easy," I reproached him. "Remember the running around we have to do so we wouldn't get killed? The freaking demon with scattered souls? Those humungous snakes? The one where we-"

"-yeah, yeah" he cut me off. He knows I'll go on and on about it. "I find myself missing the action sometimes, though."

"Boys," I sniffed.

He snorted. "I've been watching you, you know. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you miss all that rush from the War that's why you're turning the whole school into a battlefield."

It's like someone doused me in cold water, goosebumps are crawling from my neck to my arms. Damn those round glasses. It pierces through dimensions even I don't know about.

I laughed it off to cover my uneasiness. "Okay, stop psycho analyzing me, we're here to talk about you, remember?"

"Right, right."

"So?"

"So… Astoria is a bit, uh-" Harry paused, thinking very hard for a polite term to describe his partner.

"Clingy? Assertive? Pushy? Wanna-dive-right-into-your-pants kinda girl?" I fired on rapidly to help him.

"Uh, yeah," he glanced at me, "…and it's making me feel, erm, you know..."

"Oh, Harry," I smiled sympathetically, "when a girl is trying to get in your pants, most guys wouldn't mind. You're too prudish sometimes, you know?"

"Look who's talking."

"Hey, I have an image to protect…" Then I remembered I am already busted by Ginny, "or not."

"Oh, right!" he laughed. "You're not the prissy girl we thought you were… it's like I don't even know you!" he teasingly elbowed me.

"Hey, now," I laughed with him. I have to get him back on topic so I continued, "So what's your problem with her? The beautiful girl is clearly attracted to you." A great kisser, too, from my experience…

"Well, it's just, she tries too hard sometimes and, well…"

"it pushes you away instead?"

"I guess… yeah, it does."

" That makes sense, given your personality. But what are you gonna do? I personally think it's a good thing. She's just so into you, you know." I mean she isn't Cedric-level obsessed. I think she's just naturally flirty and seductive and she knows just how to work it. The question is, why isn't it working for Harry?

"The thing is, I want… uh, you know…" he stuttered, clearly embarrassed.

"Let me guess- romance. The guy-wooing-the-girl thing. Getting to know each other first, gifts and flowers, and the whole step-by-step romantic shebang." I answered since he's having too much difficulty arranging his thoughts.

He smiled at me fondly. "You know me so well, see, why can't we just be partners instead?"

I raised an eyebrow at that. "You're kidding right?"

"No, not really." He is staring at me at eye-level and his eyes are serious.

There's a surprise…

"You're my sworn blood brother. You know it's weird," I reasoned. We performed a small ritual- Ron, Harry and I- after destroying the locket with a piece Voldemort's soul in it. Our experience with the locket was one of the most profound periods on our friendship that we decided to become blood brothers- and sister.

"Yes, it might be weird, but we love each other-"

"-like family, yeah, but-"

"… we care about each other-"

"-well yeah, given everything we've been through-"

"… we've known each other for years-"

"Where are you going with this, Potter?"

"I bet we could get married and we will definitely be happy," Harry said, his eyes trying to convince me.

Poor, chap. He must be desperately at a loss.

I took his hand, looked at him and said in a soft but firm voice, "Harry, I don't doubt that you'll be the best husband material ever, I know I'll never starve with you and you'll be completely faithful to me. But we will always know that we love each other a different way." And it is the truth. While we may be happy, it will be because we're fond of each other. I could never let him give up the possibility of being in love because, Chosen One or not, he always has longed for true love and all I could offer him is my friendship, fierce loyalty and my life… and a blow to the head if he doesn't stop this nonsense. Because this is effing weird!

His shoulder's drooped a bit and I had to lighten the mood so I said, "No offense but I don't think I'll be able to have three babies with you."

He coughed, the tips of his ears going red. "That's where we use our knowledge on * _coughs_ * muggle technology," he obstinately rationalized while blushing fiercely.

"You better not be suggesting test-tube babies or using another woman's womb for rent!" I huffed. He must really be desperate. I never really approve of those things.

"Er-"

What in the blazes did Astoria do that would make him give such preposterous propositions?

"Okay, okay. Listen to me, Harry," I said in a soothing manner, "You are panicking because you don't know what to do with an aggressive woman so you're trying to find an alternative that won't oblige you to confront her on the matter. First, it's cowardly. Second, you and me won't work, what with the law set in stone and all, and-"

"It will work," he said, unusually confident. "Scrimgeour and the whole magical community owes me one and I could easily request a change of partners."

"Harry!"

"Why? You don't like Malfoy, do you? It's a win-win situation."

Uh-oh. My tongue got stuck and I can't seem to refute the accusation about my feelings for a certain blond, grey-eyed gentleman who opens doors for me…

I don't know what I must've looked like to him but his jaw dropped to the floor.

"Oh, Merlin… Mione, do you…?" he sputtered, tried speaking again, gave up, and finally did a gesture which clearly implies _'Wha- are you crazy, woman?!'_ perfectly.

I sighed. "I don't know, I- I'm just as confused as you are right now," I confessed. There are undeniable symptoms of possible attraction there, like me thinking about him all the time, over-analyzing his words and actions, even day-dreaming about him... "He asked me out just this morning," I added.

"And?"

"I said I'll think about it." And I'm fairly sure I was somehow tricked into saying it, too…

"Huh. Normally, you'd just tell him 'no' right away…" he said, deep in thought, no doubt thinking about his options now that his back-up plan is sort of ruined.

Poor guy. He was just like Ron when he couldn't find a date for the Yule ball. But, instead of having none, Harry is running away from one. Funny, they always come to me for back-up. I sort of want to Impugno the hell out of him right now but at the same time I wanna hug him because he and his dorky glasses makes up such a cute picture.

"Yeah…" I agreed. Now that I think about it, I did hesitate on saying 'no' to Draco's date proposal. Hmm, he must've grown on me a bit.

I can sense Harry's brain still working over time because he keeps tapping it with his forefinger and his serious frown is back on. Before a volcano explodes somewhere, I came up with a temporary solution.

"How about we give it a trial run?" I asked him.

"What trial run?" he asked, pulled from his thoughts.

"You and Astoria, Me and Draco…"

"But… she's just too physical, you know? What if she sneaks up on my bedside on a slinky night gown again?!" Harry protested. Ooh… So that's what Astoria did to make him freak out like this! What a brave girl. It's not doing her any favors, though.

"How about you actually talk to her and tell her what you feel?" I suggested, deliberately overlooking the fact that Harry just spilled some major gossip-worthy juice. "That way she would understand you better and maybe she'd back off a bit and give you a chance to set the pace for your relationship? You could compromise and start with the things you feel you're comfortable with, then go from there. Ask about her thoughts, too, okay?" I advised him. Normally I'd just say _'buck up, be a man for once'_ , but Harry is special. For all his tough image, he is very gentle-hearted. Astoria should be grateful. He just wants to be a gentleman and be the one who wears the pants in the relationship, not the one she carelessly takes for a man who will be satisfied with just the physical aspects.

He looked at me sourly for a long minute. He was never one to confront other people unless they insulted his friends first. This case is tougher, though, and I can see his facial muscles work at rearranging itself as assorted thoughts plagued his mind.

"Oh, alright," he relented at last, making me sigh in relief. "I guess I haven't really tried reasoning with her. I just focused on avoiding her and keeping her hands where it belongs." I could tell that he's really worried about it but I know he'll do it right. He is Harry Potter after all.

"What about you?" he asked me in return.

"I guess I'd say yes to going out, and then see what happens," I said a bit uncertainly. "I mean, we wouldn't really know if we don't at least try, right?" I could see a lot of things going wrong with a relationship like mine with Malfoy but, maybe, if I gave it a chance, it might lead to something real. _Might._ What an unstable, shaky word.

"Okay." He seemed to sense my apprehension about my own advice so he asked what's in the foremost of my thoughts aloud: "but what if we still don't…?"

"Then you could ask Scrimgeur that favor," I decided. Harry is not a bad choice anyhow. Ugh, it'd feel like incest, all the same. I love him, though. That might be enough, if all else fails.

"When do we decide?"

"Hmmm… After graduation?"

"After graduation it is, then," he agreed.

We shook hands as a formality and laughed at how silly things have gotten. One thing I like about Harry is how easy it is with him, how comfortable it is between us even though we just discussed something serious like a back-up marriage plan. How lucky I am to be his best friend… and how regretful it is that we aren't in love with each other.

We stayed late that night, still talking and joking about random things; and fell asleep together, still wrapped in my blanket near the dying embers of the fire, cocooned in each other's arms.

 _I dreamed about the War. Voldemort was rallying his forces against the Order and in a terrifying blast of light, the battle ignited. I was busy dueling with the Death Eaters side by side with Harry and Ron, surrounded by the DA members who joined us as a nearly impenetrable defense against the werewolves. All too soon, the Dark Lord finally fell into the hands of the Chosen One, and we celebrated with such deafening shouts. There were fireworks and such revelry… but then my dream took me into an ominous grand staircase, stained with crusted blood, descending towards a very familiar dungeon._

 _My throat felt dry. I heard a taunting, half-crazed laugh as a wave of cold dread coursed through me, lifting the hairs on the back of my neck. I took a step back. My feet felt suddenly weak and l fell down. I hurriedly scrambled back up but my limbs wouldn't obey. So, I crawled and crawled back towards the stairs, towards the reveling victors up in the castle but my feet felt like lead and it took all of my willpower to drag myself away._

 _Then I saw her shadow, looming ever closer, cackling awfully, wand raised. It was too late. I could already feel it coming…_

 _It never came. For in that instant, somebody shielded me with his body, screaming in pain. I looked up at my savior and saw two blazing pools of grey…_

My eyes flew wide open. A ray of sunlight got in from a window and I stared at it in relief. It is morning and I am safe. I took stock of my surroundings and I got confused for a bit.

Then I remembered. Harry and I are still at the common room!

I looked at Harry and he is sleeping beside me, his legs draped on one of mine. My left hand is currently splayed on his face and I snatched it quickly so he could breathe more easily. I don't want to be the one who finally does him in after repeated failed attempts at his life!

The blanket was crumpled on our feet, forgotten. I can't remember the last time we slept in the same room but it was always nice because he isn't a blanket-hog like Ron and Ginny. It's like sleeping with a reliable, protective brother that I can use as teddy bear, albeit a skinny one.

"Ehem."

I jumped, startled. What I saw next was mortifying.

We have an audience.

Ginny, Lavender, Parvati, Ron, Dean and Neville were staring disapprovingly at us. I'm in a panic. What does my current situation look like to others?

"Harry, wake up!" I smacked his head repeatedly with a throw pillow from one of the sofas. He woke up groaning.

"Five more minutes…" he slurred then went back to sleep.

"We are still in the common room, you dolt!" I shouted at him.

He woke up ramrod straight. "What?! Huh?"

"Rise and shine, cheaters!" shrieked Lavender accusingly.

"Good morning to you, too, Lav," I greeted her good-naturedly as I got up and folded my blanket. "Isn't it a little too early to be all judgy?" I asked drily. I looked at the clock. It was 7 am. I wonder if my friends were the reason no other students are around to see the seemingly scandalous situation I'm in.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Ron asked me and Harry.

"Apparently, we slept here, I didn't even know when, I can't remember," Harry explained, rubbing his eyes.

"Did you even think about me at all?" Ron asked in a hurt voice.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, really confused.

"You excluded me from your little sleep-over! Am I being cast out from the team? Are you the Golden Duo now?"

"What?! Please, don't overreact, we just talked about things and forgot the time." I didn't know he'd be jealous. He's still our very best friend despite all odds and I really do love his freckly face but he could be really petty sometimes. He likes being included in intimate stuff.

"Ron, shut up. This isn't what this is about," Ginny said. She is furious.

Uh-oh, I am having a really bad feeling…

"Then what is it about, Ginny? Did I miss something?" Harry asked her wide-eyed, rubbing the back of his head, messing his already messy hair even more.

"We heard you last night."

"Yeah, we did," Parvati confirmed, arms folded, an eyebrow raised. "We heard about your little 'arrangement'. Nifty stuff, having the power to alter the Law for your ends, eh, Harry?"

I don't like her tone so I went to Harry's side and pointed at him…

"IT WAS HIS IDEA!"

 _And a gong sounded in the far off distance, signaling my imminent death…_


	16. One Step Closer

_(Sorry for the late post TT . This is the immediate continuation from the previous chapter. Enjoy!)_

"HERMIONE!" protested Harry, "you said-"

"Oh, relax Harry. I don't intend to go back on my word," I told him irritably. Why are we still discussing this?

"HERMIONE!" protested Ginny, "what about Draco?!"

"Relax, girl, I'm not gonna break his heart." And I really won't. Merlin, it isn't like I drove off to Vegas and married their beloved Potter already.

"What about me?!" asked Harry again, slightly confused.

"Please, I was just saying that to make the crazy lady back off already," I said, pointing at Ginny discreetly.

"I heard you!"

"Don't pay attention to what I said, Ginny. You know how Harry gets…"

"HERMIONE!"

My temper flared. "Oh, would you both just shut up? Let me solve the problem for you people," I said, adopting a somber face. "Harry and I are going to try working it out with our court-ordained partners first. If it crashes and burns, we'd elope. Now, Ginny I give you Dean as your back-up groom."

"What now?!"

"A back-up plan works for me," Dean pondered thoughtfully. "I'm not yet sure about Greengrass…"

"Neville, I give you Parvati as a back-up bride."

Neville and Parvati looked at each other and gagged.

"Ron, you are Lavender's back-up plan. You already have a history, it shouldn't be too hard," I continued.

"Mm-hmm," Ron replied, not really listening.

"We aren't really going with this, are we?" Lavender asked everybody, confused.

"You are now," I barked imperiously. "At least that's what I'm gonna tell everybody if anyone dares to try and tell Draco about our little secret."

They all blanched.

"I'm glad we could come into an agreement," I said quiet pleased with myself. "Any questions?"

Harry raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"How do you expect them to keep it to themselves? I mean, Lavender is a real talker…"

"Hey!" Lav immediately protested.

"Well, you know what they say, Lav," Dean said grimly. "Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead."

"You worry too much," I sniffed. "I'll take care of it."

"Stop smiling like that, Hermione. It chills me to the bone," Neville said apprehensively.

"What do you mean you'll take care of it?" Parvati asked suspiciously.

"You really don't want to know about that, do you, Parvati?" I said in a low voice. "I mean, you won't be telling anybody, will you?"

"N-No…" she swallowed.

"Alright, enough threats, Hermione. I'm sure they get what you mean," Ron rolled his eyes at me. "Honestly, you overdo it sometimes."

With that over and done with, we marched into the Great Hall to eat before everything disappears. I can sense my friends' glares but I just shake it off. It isn't much of a problem- yet.

I get two bites out of my egg rolls and lo and behold, the fearsome troll of a chaperone come lumbering down, his eyes like points of wicked lights trained in my direction. I nearly choked. It's a Sunday, for Pete's sake! Don't they take a break or something? I managed to down a glass of juice and looked around for something to throw at his face.

Someone suddenly tapped me on my shoulder and I jumped in fright.

"Whoa, girl. It's just me," Draco laughed and, unexpectedly, handed me a bunch of roses. He must've been really serious about the dating thing.

I didn't have time to think. The chaperone is nearing the table. I have to do something fast!

I put the roses aside, grabbed his collar and kissed him full on the lips.

He tastes like heaven. Oh, what I would do to have done this without everybody watching!

I pulled away from the kiss before I lose myself. For a second there, I hesitated and almost decided on prolonging it and devil may care whatever happens next. My abnormally rational mind won in the end so I sighed and carefully straightened up Draco's crumpled collar. He was still in a state of shock so I didn't mind whirling in the direction of the chaperone and yell, "Take that, you sucker!" to the applause of my overly excited fans. Some even gave me a standing ovation.

Draco finally figured out how to breathe again but he was overdoing it. He was pretending to hyperventilate as Ron good-humoredly gave him a brown bag and instructed him in the arts of normal breathing.

"Sorry, darling. It was the only way." I told Draco, gesturing at the sullen Chaperone, who looked very much like a kicked puppy. "Oh, and thanks for the flowers!" I added belatedly.

He gaped at me. "I feel so used!"

"Aw… it wasn't so bad now, was it?" I playfully asked him.

He blushed and covered his lips demurely.

"Wanna eat here?" I asked, remembering to play it nice.

"Sure."

He sat down beside me and I looked around the table to see if there is any resistance. I saw a few Gryffindors glaring at him but I cut them down with one look.

He made sure to cut up my pecan pie into bite sized pieces and refilled my tea before serving himself. He was a gentleman through and through even though it wasn't past midnight yet. Hmm.

I was aware of my friends ogling us- they don't make much effort in hiding it. In fact, they were teasing us mercilessly in very loud 'hushed' tones.

" Oh, the scandal!" Parvati exclaimed in a mocking whisper, clearly referring to the kiss earlier.

" _Hogwarts is a very honorable institution-"_ Dean exaggeratedly imitated me. " _-didn't you read in Hogwarts: A History? In the early 19_ _th_ _century, they flogged the people caught in such indecency!_ "

"Mommy, mommy, I kissed a boy! Check me for cooties!" Lavender teased childishly.

"Mommy, mommy! I think I'm pregnant!" Ron echoed.

"Oh, grow up!" Ginny chided them. "Hermione can kiss a boy all she likes. I just hope she ends up kissing the _same_ guy come D-day." She looked at me meaningfully.

I flashed her a warning look. She raised her shoulders innocently even though her eyes are clearly intent on mischief.

"Yeah," Lavender piped in. "we wouldn't want a complication…"

"or worse- right Harry?" Parvati commented in an aside. Harry coughed self-consciously.

"I'm gonna find Blaise, Terry and Cormac now," I said threateningly.

"-and?" they goaded me.

"I'm gonna kiss them and turn them into frogs. Maybe come D-day, you could turn 'em back." I grated.

They laughed but didn't push it.

Draco heard that. "Kiss who now?"

"Nothing. They're just teasing me," I answered.

"Riiight," Ron said snidely.

I chose to ignore him. I heard Astoria greet my friends and joined our table for breakfast. She kissed Harry noisily on his cheek and seated herself as close to him as possible that it was such an effort to lift his right arm to put a spoon in his mouth.

"Uh-oh," intoned Neville deceivingly blasé, "the competition, my friends! Let the Hunger Strike begin!"

"Hunger Games," corrected Dean.

"-May the odds be in your fervor!"

Dean threw up his arms and rolled his eyes.

Poor Harry is having trouble trying to eat with his left hand. Astoria noticed and began feeding him with her spoon. I saw a glimmer of smugness from her eyes before catching herself. She is one devious lady, pinning his spoon-hand to create an opportunity.

Draco shook his head at her.

"Astoria's really coming on too strong isn't she?" I said by way of conversation.

"Look who's talking," he smirked at me.

"Yeah, I probably shouldn't have done it if I knew you were gonna pass out on me," I teased him back.

"Hey, I didn't faint!"

"You nearly did, though."

"Nah-uh!"

"Yah-uh!"

"Nah-uh"

"Deny it all you want." I laughed. "I knew I was charming but my mother left out the part where it's probably fatal."

"Hey, I was taken by surprise is all. It was so out of character for you."

I snorted. If he only knew half of what I did in the muggle world…

"So," he cleared his throat. "I don't suppose you have… thought about it?"

"Thought what?"

"You know- me and you… dating…"

"Ginny! Hermione! Harry! Dear all of my friends!" Luna babbled hysterically, interrupting our conversation.

"What is it, Luna?" asked Ron at the same time as Draco muttered 'What now?'.

"Cedric is sick!"

"Then why are you panicking? Just go to Madam Pomfrey, problem solved."

"He's got the pixie flu."

"Oh!"

"You've got to help me take care of him. He doesn't want to go home!"

"Sorry, Luna. I heard it's contagious to people who didn't catch it before," Ron replied.

"You haven't had the pixie flu before?"

"Well, I did, but I don't wanna take care of him so…"

"Harry?" Luna asked piteously.

"Uh, what's a pixie flu?" Harry asked.

"Symptoms are similar to that of a regular flu- stretched to the extreme. Problem is magical potions and spells doesn't work on it so you have to take care of the patient muggle style," Parvati answered mechanically.

"Oh. I'll pass. Sorry," Harry replied ruefully.

"Ginny?"

"Girl, you're on your own. Treat this as a great experience-"

"Great experience, my big tushie! I've been at it for 32 hours straight now and you won't believe how needy, how infuriatingly clingy that guy is!" Did Luna just try to tear her hair off? OMG, she is so cute!

"Aww. I commend his extremely disturbing approach in forcing you to love him more," Ginny cooed.

"He told me he's got an ouchie on his lips and the only remedy is mine on his!" Luna continued raging.

"Outrageous," yawned Lavender.

"Oh, please somebody spare me. He said his head aches and he wants my lap for a pillow!"

"Absolutely horrendous," Parvati in a bored tone.

"Hermione, please."

"Sorry, Luna. I've never had pixie flu before and it sounds awful."

"Okay, aside for Harry and Hermione, who else hadn't experienced the pixie flu?" Luna desperately asked for a show of hands.

Nobody raised their arms.

"Alright, since you can't catch it anymore, would you please help me? Just a four-hour shift per person."

"Sorry, I've got plans with Blaise," Ginny fled.

"I forgot to do some homework. Ron, help me finish it," Pansy excused herself and dragged him out. Parvati, Lavender and Neville tagged along with them claiming various kinds of errands.

"Dean?" Luna asked in a most heartbreaking voice.

"Uh- hey Daphne!" Dean called a very surprised Daphne from the Slytherin table.

She mouthed, "what?"

"Let's go out on a date!"

"What?!"

"Right now, woman."

"And if I say no?"

"Then you'll get to nurse a very sick Diggory."

"It's a fine morning for a date," she said quickly. "How do you feel about abandoned classrooms?"

"It's okay, I guess, but I've got a more suitable place in mind." Together they walked away.

Well, what do you know? A sick Diggory is an effective love potion.

"Astoria?"

"Actually," Harry coughed. "Astoria and I have something to talk about." He glanced surreptitiously at me and I mouthed 'good luck'. He nodded gratefully and held Astoria's hand, gently drawing her out the door. I hope all goes well with them- wait… I hope they don't work out- wait... I hope they work out after I decide that Draco is good for me.

"Uh… Draco?"

"I-uh…" he stood, his eyes fixed somewhere on the ceiling and walked out without saying more. I was the only one left. Good thing I'm exempted.

"Some friends, huh?" I observed for her benefit. We really do love her and would die for her but looking after a sick, whiny Diggory is where we draw the line.

"Oh, no… I don't wanna go back there, Mione!" she complained. "I haven't slept, I'm drowsy and hungry and I'm so, so very tired!"

"I wish I could help you, Luna, but pixie flu or not, I'll probably take advantage of him if were confined alone in his room." I joked.

"Oh, thanks Mione! I know you're a good friend!"

"Uhh- Luna, this may sound awkward but I was just kidding-"

"Make him drink lukewarm water every time his mouth goes dry, Madam Pomfrey said dehydration is the enemy of pixie flu."

"Any chance we could take him to the infirmary instead?"

"No chance. Madam Pomfrey is slammed. It's the first big incident of the year. Stupid first years ingested some kind of goo…"

"I think I'm gonna go now…"

"Wait, you should also stoke the fireplace when he gets cold. You can't use the warming spell, it won't work. Just strip him to his boxers if he starts sweating too much."

"Uh-"

"Porridge! The house-elves delivers porridge four times a day. Just make him sit up and spoon-feed him. His hand shakes, you understand."

"What is happening?!"

"All you need to know is that his fever shouldn't go up more than 40 degrees or he'll get these hallucinations. That's about it. You can look up more of how to take care of him in a book on his bedside table. Thanks, Hermione. I owe you one. Now, I'll just get these sandwiches and eat it in my comfy four-poster bed. Good night to me!" She seized the food and ran out like her skirts are on fire.

"Luna! You said it was contagious! Come back here! Where the hell is his room?! And it is a good morning, you sneaky Ravenclaw!" I screamed at her.

I should've made excuses and bolted like the others! I thought about not going at all but then his death will be on my conscience. I asked myself if I could live with it… After slowly deliberating about morality and stuff, I decided it was time to finish my breakfast.

It was an hour after when I found Cedric's room. He was none too happy to see me.

"Where's Luna?"

"She got tired of looking at your sad face so she turned tail and ran." I'm very grumpy. I didn't know I cared enough to actually risk getting infected just because he is gorgeous looking. The possibility that his spawn and my spawn might have a chance to get-together in the near future is too hard to ignore.

"Ha ha. Very funny. Why are you here then?"

"That's a good question."

"Well? Are you gonna tell me?"

" I can tell you, but then I'm gonna have to kill you." I can't really tell him about my moral issues right now.

"Oh, stop being so dramatic. I don't like you here either." He coughed.

"Hurts. Now that it's out of the way, you can shut up now."

He pouted like a spoiled child. "Hey, I am sick. You better show some compassion."

"Well then resume behaving all sickly."

"I'm so lonely. Tell Luna to give me a hug."

"That's why she left, you know. She never got any sleep for 32 hours because you're so needy."

"32 hours? It's just been 12 hours!"

"That's funny. I don't think you're sick at all if you could still recall the hours-"

"I _am_ sick. Can't you see the pixie spots? It's all over my hands. I feel clammy and my nose is expelling hot air," he whined, very much unlike the macho non-sick Cedric.

"You talk too much for someone who's got the flu." I would really slap him hard if he got sick on purpose just to get Luna to take care of him.

"Hey, I'm just making the most of my lucid moments."

"Oh, crap. Do you go all crazy in between?" Oh, no… What have I signed up for? Is the possibility of having good-looking grandchildren really worth it? I should probably revise my moral conclusion.

"Nah. From what Luna tells me my eyes just roll up and I start foaming in the mouth."

"Gee. We're gonna have so much fun," I uttered drily. Ah, well, as long as he doesn't get rabid and all…

"Please don't abuse me too much if you can help it." Isn't he cocky? He knows that I had a crush on him. Stupid jerk.

"I'll keep that in mind." Fingers crossed…

He shifted on his side and gave a loud sigh. Then he started trembling."Is Luna back yet? I think I'm gonna need that hug. It's getting cold again."

"Do me a favor and start foaming in the mouth." I am irritable but I went to light the fireplace all the same. It's gonna be a long- wait a minute- when will Luna relieve me?

…

It has been eight hours. Luna should be back by now. I don't wanna be here anymore. Especially in this position. The fireplace is crackling hot. I've got Cedric buried in all those blankets but it wasn't enough. I was frustrated because all the warming spells didn't work so I was forced to snuggle up to him. His teeth stopped chattering after that but he was still shaking a bit. Then came the mouth-foaming and good Lord! How did I ever admire a guy like this?

I sent a desperate plea to Luna, describing what I went through (Merlin, most of it was trying not to wretch from so much disgust… the phlegm, the sweat, the puke- ugh…) and what my current position is now to get her to come back and nurse her precious Diggory.

Ten minutes later and someone entered the room huffing, loudly banging the door closed. My first thought was, 'Wow, Luna must be angry about me snuggling up to him …' when I saw a pale blond hair bob across the field of my vision.

"Draco? What are you doing here?" I asked, really shocked. Not because I expected another person, but because I felt a tiny sheen of guilt lining my stomach.

"I recognized your patronus and intercepted it," he said quietly.

"What'd you do that for? It wasn't for you, you know," I spoke defensively.

He glared at me.

I don't really know what to do here. My hands are tied at the moment. Tied around a certain sick Hufflepuff.

"Are you gonna get your hands off him anytime soon?" he asked in a dangerous tone.

I was taken aback at the vehemence in his voice. "That's ridiculous. The boy is sick!"

"And I bet you're enjoying it," he sneered.

I don't like this version of Draco. It reminds me too much of the Voldemort-crazed era.

I looked him over thoughtfully and something ignited in my mind.

He is jealous! Oh, great merciful mother of cows, Draco is spitting jealous!

His sneering face regarded me and became one of puzzlement. Then he shifted from foot to foot as he grew uncomfortable.

"Hermione, why are you smiling?" he asked cautiously.

I don't know why, but I was so thrilled that I inadvertently embraced Cedric closer to me.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!" Draco bellowed at me.

He was red in the face, fists tightly balled, and he was shaking in anger. I swooned for the very first time in my precious life. I know he is angry and very serious about all this, but all I could think about is how my heart fluttered in excitement. I didn't know that he could be affected like this about me. I smiled even wider but loosened my grip on Cedric. He can die from being cold for all I care, I'm obeying Draco this one time. I slid from his bed and faced my adorable jealous ferret.

"Satisfied?"

He was taken off-guard. He could not believe I did as was told. "Okay, I'm really confused," he stuttered. "This is the part where you defiantly embrace him and insult my ancestors and spit curses at me… then I'd scream you down and pry your hands off him and, uh… and…"

"-And?" I waited patiently.

For a few seconds he considered answering me. Then, hesitatingly, he honestly replied: "A-and… uh, tell you not to touch any man other than me…"

"Uh-huh…?" I prodded for more.

"-then I'll embrace you and never let you go and… and kiss you, you know, so you'd forget about being mad at me…"

"Like this?" I kissed him lightly on his right cheek.

His face was burning. He looked very helpless and innocent and really, really shy. Then, abruptly regaining his composure, he cheekily said, "I was imagining it to be rather passionate."

It was my turn to blush and he smiled wickedly at me. He raised my chin with a finger, making me look at him. His eyes, which were teasing just a moment ago, had suddenly become so intense. His lips parted and I could see him savoring every second as he slowly brought his face closer to mine. I couldn't think. I couldn't move. I could feel my heart beating loudly, breathlessly waiting for his lips to touch mine.

"I really hope you're not gonna make-out while I'm here, feeling sick and all… I think I'm gonna die…"

We jumped at the sound of Cedric's voice. Then we panicked a bit when he suddenly rolled his eyes and started shaking from the cold again.

"It is already boiling hot, why's he chattering like that for?!" cried a frustrated Draco.

I rolled my eyes and went back to Cedric's bedside.

"Hey!" he protested when he figured out what I was gonna do.

"Do you think we have any other choice?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"We?"

"Yes. We. You're not getting out of this mister. I'll take his left, you take the other side."

It was weird to say the least. Here we are, snuggling up to Cedric's either side to keep him warm even though we're already sweating profusely from too much heat.

"I'm not comfortable about this, 'Mione. I want it perfectly clear that I'm doing this under protest."

"Oh, suck it up, Draco. It was your fault for snooping in on my patronus."

We were quiet for a while. I must've snoozed a bit when Draco asked me something.

"Huh? Wh-what did you say?" I asked sluggishly.

"I said, did you think about it?"

"Think about what?" All these heat's making me out of sorts. Luna owes me a big one.

"You know, us dating. I was gonna ask you during breakfast right before you kissed me silly. Do you have an answer?"

"Really?" I asked grumpily. "You're asking me right now?" This is so not romantic. Whatever happened to crystal skies and glorious sunsets?

"Forgive me for asking now," he said drily, "but we're always interrupted by something, usually by your friends, when I try to bring it up. Now's a good time as any. Less interference, you see."

"Okay."

"Okay- me asking now, or; okay, let's date?" he asked genuinely curious.

"I said, okay, let's try dating." I answered him. Ugh. This is so not what I had in mind when I pictured saying yes to him. Freakin' romance novels… getting my expectations too high…

"I knew you'd come to your senses," he murmured cockily.

"Should I take back my consent, or should I bash you in the head?" I growled testily.

He laughed.

"What's so funny?" I asked, grudgingly smiling at this odd light-heartedness.

"Can you imagine telling the kids that we officially started dating while embracing a guy with a pixie flu?"

I laughed with him. "We should probably fabricate a story or they'll give up on dating."

Some hours later, we got booted out of Cedric's room by Luna who was so startled to see me and Draco sleeping soundly while Cedric, who, by that time was feeling too hot, was struggling weakly to untangle himself from us.

Draco, becoming a gentleman once more, escorted me to the dorms and left whistling back to his own. I've never seen him this carefree. Before he turned a corner, he turned back to look at me. He smiled that heartbreakingly genuine smile, winked and went on his way.

I searched myself. I feel odd, too. I think I need to sleep and ponder this matter some other time. Right now, I'll enjoy whatever this is I'm feeling.

I woke up the next morning and immediately felt certain that I have been infected. My hands are already sporting signs of purple spots and my face is too flushed. I've a splitting headache and my throat is sore.

Lethargic, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I gasped in fright. My face is covered with huge, disgusting purple spots!

I fainted.


	17. Awww Shut up!

I woke up, sweating. It's too hot. Someone with an amazing amount of grudge settled for boiling me alive. Hot iron bands are wrapped around my torso, searing my skin. Bile is rising up my throat… I freed myself from whatever's gripping me and threw up on a pail, conveniently placed on the side of my bed.

Then something got me thinking. The iron bands were so easy to break… In fact, it's very soft. I whirl around as my mind finally cleared.

I'm at the infirmary. The 'iron bands' that is holding me prisoner in my bed were somebody's purple-spotted arms.

"Cedric?" I asked, perplexed. Don't tell me he felt bad about infecting me that he came in here to nurse me in return. Not when he's still sick. I might get double pixie flu. Ugh.

"Not on your life," said the arms as it reared the head attached to it and revealed a pixie-flu infested Malfoy.

Oh, my. We both have the pixie flu. I was about to laugh when another thought snaked it's way to my brain. No, no, no. We just agreed to start dating… I'm immediately transported to my memories of Cedric frothing in the mouth. Oh, no. I just retched in front of him! Wait- what disgusting things has he already seen?

"How long…?"

"Your friends found you lying on the floor of your bathroom yesterday. They carried you here immediately."

"I was unconscious for a day?!"

"Well, not really unconscious… Er- It was a busy morning for your friends…"

I gritted my teeth. "How busy?"

"Uh, I wasn't really there myself. I was sitting through Advanced Potions when I started sprouting purple spots and by the time someone yelled for help, I was too busy trying not to scream from an ear-splitting headache."

"I thought you already had the flu."

"Well, turns out I haven't ."

"If I knew that, I wouldn't have let you come near Cedric."

"And you wouldn't have succeeded."

"Aww."

"Don't mock me, Hermione. You should know by now that I like you too much to be beside another guy in a confined space."

"Aww."

"Shut up."

"Wait, how did you know my friends had trouble with me? Don't tell me you saw something?" What did I do? Oh, my gosh. Don't tell me he saw me frothing in the mouth, or worse…

"No, I didn't," he answered me. "My bed is beside yours but the curtains were drawn all around me. But I can tell, they were having really loud discussions about what to do with you."

"As long as you didn't see, I suppose it's alright."

"I still would've paid to see it. The way they were losing their minds…"

"Hey, I don't think it was that bad. A sick person can only do so much."

"From what I heard, you were a handful and a half. Then they traded care of you to Madam Pomfrey. She couldn't attend to us, you know, the first years were too sick. Good thing, half of her wards were healed the day before yesterday or we wouldn't have a spot here, just like Cedric."

"They traded care for me? What do you mean?" I asked.

"They told Madam Pomfrey to look after you and they volunteered to look after all the sick freshmen."

"That bad, huh?"

"That bad, yes."

"But why are you in my bed." Hugging me, no less. Teehee! I'm giggling inside like some over-infatuated teenager that I am.

"Past midnight, you were chattering with cold. Your friends retired for the night but Madam Pomfrey was occupied with another patient who started bleeding in the ears. So, I gave you an extra blanket and stoked the fire… but then I started feeling cold, too…" He said, not quite meeting my eyes, with embarrassment coloring his face.

"Hmmm," I thought slowly. "It wasn't an extra blanket, was it? It was your blanket."

Impossibly, he went even redder. "Stop thinking. It's bad for you," he mumbled gruffly.

"Aww."

"Shut up."

I took pity on him so I changed the subject. "Are you still cold?" I asked him.

"Actually, I'm feeling a bit too warm."

"Me, too." Oh, my, do I need a cold shower. Mmm, mmm, mmm!

"I'm taking my blanket back to my bed," he said, still not looking up.

"You do that."

"I'm taking you with me."

"You do that, too."

"Aww," he mimicked me.

"Shut up."

An hour or two later, I woke up with a grumbling belly. I didn't want to get up because it's so comfortable nestling inside Draco's arms. Though purple-spotted, he makes those steel buns still look amazing, especially wrapped around me. I resisted the urge to pinch them (or bite 'em delicious things) and sighed as my belly gave a thunderous complaint about being neglected. Carefully, I extracted myself from him and looked at his face and I sigh again. He makes pixie flu look cool even with a nose bleed. I wiped his nose clean and went to my sickbed and found a delicious porridge waiting for me. Of course my friends came with it.

Parvati grinned at me, "My, my. Caught in bed with another guy. I hope you don't make a habit of it."

I rolled my eyes. I'm famished enough to ignore it.

I wasn't finished eating three spoonfulls when Ron gave me a bunch of flowers.

I raised my eyebrow in confusion. I'm not yet dead, am I?

"Don't get sick again, Mione," he said in all sincerity. "If you do, please notify me so I could plan a vacation elsewhere- anywhere."

Harry came with a basket of sweets. "'Mione, don't leave your senses again. You're already a bad enough person without your questionable morals stopping you."

Well, I never!

Ginny nodded seriously. "You almost gave me a panic attack when I saw you on the floor with your mouth frothing like that!" And she gave me a repeat performance of what I supposedly looked, lying on our bathroom's floor. I definitely hoped I didn't look that bad- with the eye-rolling and spittle bubbling from my mouth… It is a ridiculous exaggeration, I assured myself.

When she started moving like a fish on land, with mouth going crazy wide, I felt like I had to defend myself. "Alright, alright. How bad could I have been? I'm sick, alright? Give me some slack."

"The thing is, you're not just sick. You have the pixie flu. And that's a world of difference," Parvati stated grimly.

"Uh, explain please?" So I have the pixie flu. Cedric wasn't all that hard to handle…

"Mione, when a person has pixie flu, magic doesn't work on them that's why we have to take care of you muggle-style. What we didn't know was, the person infected can still do magic," she explained condescendingly.

My spoon hovered in the air. That doesn't bode well.

"So, you finally understand the full extent of our misery."

"Lavender, shut up and tell me what the hell happened."

"Well, if you were just unconscious, we would be more than glad to keep you alive. But your body, without your bloody conscience interfering, suddenly formed different ideas on how to injure people who are just helping you drink your meds."

"You shouldn't have learned wandless magic. Before I gently pried your mouth open, your teeth suddenly elongated to sharp points and I was not prepared for that." Ginny held out her hand, it was bandaged.

"Hey, you could just have your hand fixed. Dittany alone could heal it faster than a bandage."

"Yeah, the thing is, magic can't work in it. Your bites don't allow magic to heal it."

"Then you had the bottle of Muggle medicine flying towards me," Harry excitedly butted in, reenacting the moment. "Good thing people can use magical shields. We learned that defensive magic works, but maybe that's because it is not used on you. Offensive magic is just absorbed by your skin. We tried stupefying you." He said all that so flippantly, like I was some sort of a video game monster they had to defeat! I am becoming indignant with all these fuss over my supposed behavior while practically unconscious…

"The others bounced of you. Just like the binding spell. Neville got the brunt of it. Then when your body felt that it was being 'assaulted' it fought like a savage, releasing spell after spell as well as alterations to your body. One of your hands transformed into a mace and nearly got me," he continued, waving his hand animatedly.

Oh, no… I nearly killed my bestfriend! "Merlin, I'm so sorry! I didn't know!" I gasped, appalled at my awesome defensive skills- and I wasn't even awake!

"That's the sad part. You don't know what your body is doing but you are just bloody good at fighting. The frightening thing is you're doing it while shaking and your eyes rolling over your head."

"Ew."

"Yes, ew," the girls echoed me.

"How did you get me to stop?"

"We had to do everything muggle style. We had to get honest-to-goodness ropes. The ropes conjured by magic just disappears when it makes contact on your skin. Then Ron put on the funny metal armor to restrain your foot. It was flailing like mad. We all had various armors as we restrained you long enough for Madam Pomfrey to inject a sedative."

"It was a good fight." Dean gave me a thumbs up. "The best thing was we all got to ditch classes!"

"What?! Then who's taking notes on our classes!?!"

"'Mione, you ungrateful hag. We risked limb and death for you! "

"And you have my thanks. Now go back to class and take notes! What if I fail this year? I don't wanna repeat 7th year again!"

"Hermione. Don't pretend that you haven't covered everything before the term started. We know you've already submitted a month's worth of homework in advance. Give us some slack."

I was about to protest when Ron said, " I will tie your mouth with my hanky if you mention one more word about classes."

I winced. His doesn't wash his handkerchief much. Who knows what he wipe on that thing?

"But Draco said you handed me to Madam Pomfrey."

"Yep. After she gave the sedative we begged for a tradeoff. I'm sorry to tell you this, but we just had to hand you over to the pros."

"It was a bit exhausting, though. The freshmen that remained after the massive goo-ingesting incident were too sick but it was too easy taking care of them after you," Lavender told me oh-so-helpfully.

"Then when I turn all crazy, shooting magic and all, who's helping her take care of me?" How could they just dump me on Madam Pomfrey! She must've been so tired!

"Er, three of the faculties were enlisted. Prof. Snape, Prof. McGonagall and the Headmaster.."

"Oh, no…" I covered my face with my hands. "How long do you think I need to apologize for this?"

"Don't apologize to them, Mione. I mean it. They were having fun," Harry told me, his face scrunching up with disgust. "You should've seen Snape and Dumbledore. The both of them actually volunteered to look after you after they overheard Madam Pomfrey's patronus shrieking for help inside Prof McGonagall's office."

"Hmmm. Isnt that nice of them…" I mumbled suspiciously.

"Yup, they were nice enough to hex you in every colorful way knowing that it wouldn't really harm you. I'm telling you, they got a kick out of it," Ron said, shaking his head, bewildered. "Dumbledore was cackling like the crazy old man that he is while dodging and rolling here and there like a wrinkled acrobat while shooting jinx after jinx your way. Snape just stood there all calm-like with insane eyes, hexing and defending himself with a stiff swish of his wand."

"They didn't even pretend to help hold you down for a shot of sedative till McGonagall got tired of their game and yelled their ears off," Giny added.

"Huh." It was all I could comment. I did give them trouble this year, it was only fair that they could get a shot at me while they could.

Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Spit it out Harry," I barked.

"Huh?! Huh!? What kind of response is that?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Don't worry. If you think I'm gonna do something to them because of a simple thing like that- well, I still couldn't. I am still sick, you know."

"Uh-huh…" he waited, his eyes are still critical.

"Relax. I couldn't very well get back at them while frothing in the mouth. By the time I get well, I'd forget about it most likely. Something will happen that will occupy my precious time. I know it because it always happens to me."

Harry, Ron and Ginny still looks like they don't trust me not to go after my dear, dear maniacal professors while still dripping with phlegm as Lav and Parvati proceeded to tell me another story about some freshmen who tested the limits of their medical knowledge. As they argued about the benefits of consuming roasted goat poo as cure for constipation, I felt myself drifting to sleep. The last thing I heard were my friends shouting for Madam Pomfrey and requests for less violent professors to take care of me.

It was a long week. Draco and I never got see each other as much even when we were just next to each other. The drapes were always around mine and when I'm awake, he's asleep. More than once, though, I felt someone caressing my face. I even felt kisses on my forehead, but I guess that's just part of the dreams I was having. My friends never let Professor Snape and Professor Dumbledore near me again, which is a relief.

When I'm finally free of purple spots and free to go back to my dorms, Draco is still sleeping but his spots are already fading. I lingered on his bedside and looked at his peaceful, handsome face. Gently, I held his hand, as if driven by a natural impulse to get closer. His hand is warm on mine and I lavished the feel of his skin on mine.

My once enemy, my future husband. How did the universe get so warped? I'm looking at the face I once hate. I'm looking at a man I can't help admiring. These past weeks, he has been so good to me. The looks he gave me- they were undoubtedly sincere. He's trying so damn hard- and me? I'm on a warpath. Fighting with everyone about everything, seeking for ways to think of other things to occupy me that doesn't involve thinking about what to do about him. And because, contrary to popular opinion, I'm really stupid- I will put it off again and just take what I can get out of dating Draco Malfoy...Starting with stealing a peck on his forehead. My, my. I really do like kissing the guy. I would've kissed his lips but it looks like he just used the sick pail before passing out. And he might feel taken advantaged of again.

I felt his hand tighten on mine and I froze like a naughty kid caught stealing candies. I peeked slowly to see if I woke him up. His eyes were still tightly shut but his lips were suppressing a smile. I am horrified beyond belief! I picked up my stuff and ran like hell.

The next day, I can't help but smile wickedly at my luck. I learned that Professor Dumbledore contracted the pixie flu and I was the first one to volunteer to look after my dear, dear Headmaster.


End file.
